Sex without commitment: stories of those who surrendered to the moment without long preparation

No pyrotechnics, expensive lingerie, gels, candles, romance. Not even “trying to brave the long, incognito and tortuous path to reach orgasm” – as they said in the 1960s, when women began to understand eroticism and discover that they could experience the universe of pleasure, a privilege until then exclusively male. Returning to the principle of everything, sex is vital, simple and healthy. Pleasure springs when female instinct speaks to man’s instinct. Then, the conversation between the bodies becomes fun, it doesn’t require a translator. Each sniffs out the other’s desire, like hunger looking for satisfaction. “It doesn’t have to be the sex of the stars”, says Glaury Coelho, sexologist, couple psychotherapist and founder of the Brazilian Society of Studies in Human Sexuality. “The relationship has to be delicious. We are the ones who complicate things a lot.” What should not be missing, she reminds her, is a condom! In the stories told here by married and single women, it took very little for them to experience great encounters.

no waxing

Roberta dos Santos, 24 years old, designer, from Recife

On vacation in Berlin, I was studying German with no plans about sex. I went with friends to a nightclub. A Dane was looking at me. We talked, kissed and went to his house. My desire was huge. It was very cold, for months I did not shave. I thought, ‘If I back out of shame about the hair in my groin, armpits and legs, I might miss out on something that has everything to be great. And if he doesn’t like the fur, okay, I won’t see him anymore’. It was the best sex of my life. I don’t know if we’re dating, but he already came to see me in Brazil.”

Expert word: “In attraction, logical reasoning, which notices aesthetics, is turned off”, says Marcia Kedouk, author of O Livro Proibido do Sexo (Superinteressante/April). More: “Pelos propagate pheromones, which are like a 4G sending a sexy email to the recipient”.

Here and now

Luciana Rodrigues, 42 years old, secretary, from São Paulo

I have been married twice and am selecting a man to love. I met two on Tinder (application to find partners). One is an athlete, the other a businessman. I had coffee with each one. When he was in a hotel near São Paulo, in business training, the athlete called and went there. She wasn’t prepared, she hadn’t worn sexier panties, nothing. The here and now prevailed. He has infinite breath. We fucked all night. I returned to training finished but happy. He’s not what I want; so I will test the entrepreneur. It is important to know if the candidate corresponds to my pace, if I like it as a whole. Sexual intercourse without a loving bond had already become possible when I left my first marriage. I bumped into a teenage friend at the mall. We had a snack, he kissed me and said: ‘I want to take you somewhere else’. I drove to the motel, thinking, ‘I’m crazy, he knows my ex-husband.’ My friend was kissing me so passionately that I forgot I was menstruating. He whispered, ‘No problem.’ Did a massage, I loosened up. I had no idea he was so hot. In the episode, I saw that I can have sex without a husband. A liberating discovery.”

See also 5 foods to spice up your relationship.

Expert word: “From 40% to 50% of Brazilian women have already learned to separate love from sex, as men do”, says sexologist Carmita Abdo, professor at the Faculty of Medicine of the University of São Paulo. “They understood that a good night of pleasure does not mean the beginning of a romance, a commitment. Even if the man was affectionate, that doesn’t mean love.”

all fantasies

Renata Reis, 38 years old, cultural producer, from São Paulo

She was separated, took care of a young son, worked a lot. On a website, I met a successful man who wanted a risk-free adventure. He liked art and literature, like me. In messages, I wrote an erotic story until the middle, he finished. The scenes he created excited me. We exchanged porn movies, had sex on the internet, before meeting in a museum. In the embrace, his sex touched my body, his tongue drove me crazy. The other week, in a hotel elevator, he dominated me. Then he knelt at my feet. He enjoyed what he was doing so much… I was hooked. In the bedroom, he removed my clothes with such care that I felt like a goddess cared for by her priest. He asked to list my fantasies. All were performed. We had sex when I was blindfolded, then in the car. In a swing house, we didn’t do anything – he excited me to be on his lap, in that strange situation. Already in the meeting room of his office, I arrested him with handcuffs. With a little whip, I hit it lightly. I’m not a sadist and I discovered that my lust lies in seeing the other’s dedication. Realizing I was getting involved, moving from adventure to romance, I backed off. The experience freed me from prejudice, fear and jealousy. Sex without commitment made me mature and seductive. The relationship turned into friendship and respect for those who shared secrets and a complicity that did not even exist in marriage.”

Liked? See also 5 tips for not letting the routine cool down sex.

pure chance

Ana Luz e Silva, 43 years old, architect, from Santos (SP)

Leaving a fruit market, I opened the car door with my elbow because I had a lot of packages in my hands. The door slammed into the car next to it. I apologized, the driver smiled. He was the teacher at my son’s swimming school, who now, ten years older, was even more handsome. He helped me with the shopping, and I agreed to have a coffee next door. Two hours later, I was in his bed. It was a delight: from the music to the caresses, passing through the dinner, which we prepared naked. My husband was working part-time in Asia, I hadn’t had sex in a long time. And how to count? If the thing evolved, there would be no other way. But he didn’t call. Me neither. So I moved on.”

Expert word: “Not every day is for sex full of refinement, like the woman who lived all the fantasies. Well-prepared rice and beans are tasty and just right. But there are special situations: the big dinner with different dishes”, says Glaury. Caution: do not bond emotionally when the proposal is just sex. “As for the woman who had doubts about revealing it, it was best not to say anything so as not to end the marriage”, he says. “Telling is an attempt to alleviate guilt and not to be nice. This would cause pain for the husband, who did not even know what happened.”