How to respond to “I love you” when you don’t feel the same? – Methods to flirt

Declaring your love to someone who doesn’t love you is very hard, but responding to someone who declares their love for you when you don’t feel the same can also be very complicated.

Of course you can always respond with the typical and trite “me too, as a friend”, but those types of responses are sometimes the ones that cause the most damage, they make the other person feel like you are not interested in being a couple, even though that has nothing to do with it. what to see Everyone falls in love at different rates, and just because you haven’t gotten to that point doesn’t mean you’ll never get there.

The solution is not to answer yes even if you don’t feel it. It’s hard to hurt another person, especially when it’s someone you care about, but lying is a lack of respect and honesty that neither of you deserves. So the best way is to respond honestly, but thoughtfully. With much appreciation.

Why is it so difficult to answer that you don’t feel the same?

There will be no shortage of naive people who will give you advice like “just tell him that you don’t want him and that’s it,” or some similar reductionism.

And, being practical, that seems the most logical solution. But what happens when the person who proposes to you is one you truly appreciate? It could be a very close friend, a work colleague that you really like, or even a person with whom for one reason or another it is not in your best interest to antagonize.

A situation like this can very easily get out of our control, and we end up doing or saying things that were not really the most appropriate or sincere.

Among the most common mistakes we make when someone declares to us that we are not interested romantically – or at least we are not yet ready to say the same – are:

Giving ambiguous hopes so as not to have to reject the other person directly. Giving in to pressure for commitment, fear of hurt or some type of retaliation. Implying that the other person cannot be worthy of our affection. Being rude, abrupt or aggressive. Humiliate the other. List the defects that we see in them and that make it impossible for us to reciprocate. Lie saying that we already have a relationship when it is not true.

In short, any action that causes unnecessary harm to either of us or that does not make it perfectly clear that we are not interested is a mistake. The balance of your words and your attitude to be able to reject with kindness is complex to achieve, but it is the key to this situation.

You can’t, and shouldn’t, risk ending up in a relationship you don’t really want or giving someone unrealistic hopes just for fear of breaking their heart. If you do that, his heart will break even more, because his disappointment will be very great when he finds out the truth. Love can’t be faked.

Part of the respect we owe to those who risk making a confession of love to us is to make it clear from the beginning what we feel and whether or not they can have hope in a relationship in the future, thus saving them a considerable loss of time and energy. emotional.

Don’t drag your feet, don’t evade and don’t give in to a feeling that you don’t reciprocate. Here we bring you a series of tips to follow so that you can respond to that dreaded “I love you” in a delicate, thoughtful, but honest way.

How to reject someone with kindness?

Before acting impulsively and saying the first thing that comes to mind, it is very important that you take a few seconds to breathe deeply and think about the least cruel response.

You don’t necessarily have to wait for him to tell you that he loves you, sometimes his attitudes towards you will make his loving feelings evident, in these cases it is better that you act before, make clear the nature of his relationship and prevent him from continuing to harbor more feelings. deep for you.

If you couldn’t stop it, or didn’t see it coming, these are some of the ways you can respond kindly to a declaration of love that you don’t reciprocate.

1. Buy some time

A declaration of affection can catch you by surprise or simply be the verbalization of something you already knew beforehand. Either way, use honest phrases like “I really didn’t expect you to tell me that” or “Yes, I already suspected that and I just wanted to talk about it.”

These are phrases to respond to in the first instance, but they also allow you to gain some time to analyze the situation while your interlocutor responds. Both are honest and demonstrate maturity, interest and appreciation. If you need to take a few seconds to reflect on your words, do so. An awkward silence is preferable to regretting what you said afterward.

2. Ask him his reasons

When there is chemistry between two people, there are plenty of reasons. But when one falls in love with another without it being mutual, it may be because he idealizes her. It is evident that if only one of the two feels love, that relationship is unequal and both see it in different ways.

Therefore, even if you tell him that you don’t reciprocate, investigate the reasons why he feels he loves you and make him see that perhaps some of them are not so realistic or objective. We will give you some examples:

I love you because you are very beautiful/attractive: To this you can answer that being attracted to someone’s physique is not the same as being in love. And that he is probably idealizing you, and if he knew you he would realize that you are not compatible. At least not as a couple.I’ve been in love with you for a long time and I hadn’t dared to tell you: You can respond that when two beings are destined to be together, usually both find a way for the relationship to happen, and if in your case it never happened, it is probably because it was not written and something much better awaits both of you.I think we could go very well together: He argues that he surely lacks information to determine that, because there are many aspects of your life that he does not know and cannot take into account. In the end, that statement is hypothetical and is based only on what one of the two thinks, for a relationship to really work, both must be on the same page.

In short, this step is about you cushioning the disappointment a little by letting him know that what he feels is probably more idealization than genuine love.

But be careful, if it is someone with whom you have a close friendship and who knows you well, it is better that you skip this part because it could actually be genuine love and minimizing his feelings is not going to make him feel better.

3. The harsh and unambiguous reality

This point is the most difficult. Once you’ve probed into his motives and pointed out that he may be idealizing you, recognize that his feelings flatter you because they come from a great human being, but that you simply don’t feel the same way.

Don’t give false hope or imply that your feelings may change in the future if you know this is not the case. At this point you need to be firm and take control of the conversation, because it is very likely that the other person will begin to insist or look for hope for a future together.

And if you have doubts because you think you might feel the same way, you just haven’t gotten to that point yet, then it’s best to keep that feeling to yourself until you’ve cleared it up. If you jump in and tell them that you like them too, but you’re really not sure, what you’ll be doing is hurting that person unnecessarily.

4. Give credible and irrefutable reasons

Look for the reasons why you don’t love him back and explain that you simply can’t have a relationship because of them. We are not telling you to raise questions about image or taste – which are valid reasons, but which can hurt the other person – but rather to point out those reasons or arguments on which you yourself base yourself for not attempting a relationship.

Focus on issues that are out of both of your control. For example:

The age difference. The difference in interests. That you already have a partner. That for some reason it does not seem ethical or morally appropriate. That we cannot control who we feel and do not feel physical attraction for.

Or any other reason that does not imply a defect on the part of the person who is proposing to you, but that is not in the hands of either of them to change. Simply put an impossible – but honest – scenario on the table that does not allow any reply.

5. List all the virtues you see in him/her

Once the bitter pill is over, it’s time to sweeten it a little by listing all the good things you know will help you find true love with someone compatible very soon.

For example:

You are a person who has a lot to offer and who will surely find another equally incredible person to have a relationship more in line with the interests and tastes of both of you. You have many virtues and there is surely someone out there who is looking for someone else just like you. . Don’t allow yourself to waste any more time on this and go out and look for that special being. The fact that I don’t correspond to you has nothing to do with there being anything wrong with you, maybe you just made an error in judgment. I think you are very worth it, I just don’t feel compatible with you. I love that you are so artistic and bohemian, but I am looking for different qualities in a partner. You don’t have to change for me, since you would be happier looking for someone more compatible with your tastes.

6. Ask how you can help

Finally, be sure to mention that luckily falling in love is a temporary matter and that he will surely gradually stop feeling that way towards you.

It may not be in your power to do much, but it doesn’t hurt to ask him how you can help him go through the disappointment in a less painful way.

He will probably ask you not to pursue him again for a while, and if you are close friends you may not like that, but you should respect him and give him the space he needs to be able to move on.

The ideal is that between the two of you, you define the strategy that generates the least discomfort for both of you. In any case, try to be considerate, no matter how complex it is, you are on the more advantageous side of the coin and you should not take advantage of that.

Needless to say, this method works between two mature and sensible people. If, despite the fact that you have tried in the best way, the other person does not stop insisting, you should give a first warning: “I already explained it to you in the most kind way, but my kindness does not mean that I am going to change my mind, I sincerely ask you not to insist because that would make us both have a bad time.”

Rejecting someone is not easy, but with these instructions you should be able to do it graciously and honestly, while avoiding unnecessary drama.

We are very interested in knowing if you have gone through a similar situation, tell us in the comments how you acted and what happened. You can also leave your doubts and advice. And if you found this article useful, you can always share it on your social networks so that more people know how to act in these cases.

See also: