A few years ago, a dating site for betrayal achieved record registrations in just one week after launch. The theme of infidelity – consequently, of pain of betrayal – quickly gained prominence in the media and conversations across the country.
A British survey found that the higher the man’s IQ, the less he cheats, while the woman, due to her more faithful nature, does not present this difference.
This information made me reflect on the relationship between intelligence and the occurrence of betrayals.
As we get to know and realize our limits, the more we are able to express ourselves, dialogue and reach compromises. We deal better with ourselves and with each other.
Thus, we are capable of strengthening bonds and solving energy gaps in the relationshipbefore they lead to situations like betrayal.
People are often taken by surprise by betrayal. But it is constructed, the result of a process.
We literally create and feed betrayal with small everyday attitudes and choices. Without realizing it, we ignore the reality and truth of ourselves and others continuously.
Therefore, the pain of betrayal represents an important lesson, calling our attention to what we are creating without awareness.
Those who have a limited view of themselves also have a view of others. If two people can’t see themselves, how will they reach each other?
They end up living different realities that do not meet, each one lives in their own distorted reality.
Illusion x Truth
It’s common to build our relationships on false foundations that one day fall apart.
Living with illusions is exhausting, as we need to continually police ourselves, holding ourselves back and acting in roles that do not correspond to who we really are. We do not meet our true needs and desires.
Feeding illusions can work for a while, for years, or even for a lifetime. But the risk of them falling apart at any time is enormous. This risk can also put into play one of the basic pillars of a relationship: the trust.
Betrayal always brings out a lot of pain, which is accumulated throughout the relationship.
Every time we stop putting ourselves, that we give in to the other disrespecting our truth, that we try to manipulate, that we only look at the other without looking inside ourselves and vice versa.
Thus, the greatest betrayal happens first within ourselves when we betray our truth.
The bruised and distorted me
When we omit ourselves or place ourselves aggressively, we are not in the true self, but in our “i hurt“, which distorts the facts and weight of events. Imagine that someone lightly bumps into you.
Now imagine that someone bumps in the same way, but right on top of your wound. The external stimulus is the same, but the feeling of receiving it is completely different. Therefore, the “hurt me” response is driven by pain of betrayal and takes a defensive tone.
The other, in turn, can also receive and interpret this response from his “injured self”. Realize how much pain is put into the relationship, while the truth is getting lost in this dynamic.
What usually happens is the lack of will and self-commitment in perceiving and continuously seeking the real quality of energy that we create in ourselves and in our relationships.
It is necessary to face negative feelings and beliefs, realizing this “wounded self” and distorted, which makes us have attitudes based on fear, anger, manipulation.
Are you aware of the choices you’ve been making?
There is no right or wrong, but choices and consequences. Do you see the energy behind your choices in your relationships?
Is it love or fear? Is it love or the laziness of having to see and work on differences? Is it love or self-affirmation?
You have to let go of the external, making choices based on your truth. Of course, we must consider the partner, but we cannot decide for him to the detriment of ourselves.
If you betrayed or were betrayed, it is worth reflecting and searching within yourself, in the most sincere and honest way possible, how the path that led you to betrayal was formed.
What attitudes of yours, whether active or passive, contributed to the betrayal? What issues and feelings of yours are disharmonious?
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