Counterfactual thinking: what if it had been different?

Fact Checked

Under review

With every decision we make, we close some doors and open others. If we want to move forward, we must learn and move forward. Otherwise, we are likely to remain stagnant.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

What if I had decided to go study abroad? What if I hadn’t broken up with my partner? What would have happened if you had accepted that job offer? One of the mental tasks that human beings spend the most time on is imagining alternative scenarios. Through counterfactual thinking we try to imagine what reality would be like if we had made different decisions..

Embarking on this exercise can be beneficial at times. Nevertheless, Obsessing over mentally exploring different options can have negative consequences.. Frustration, regret or anxiety can become part of our lives if we do not learn to accept and live in the present.

What is counterfactual thinking?

Throughout our lives, we make choices, some more everyday and others more decisive. With each one of them we close some doors and open others. However, It is almost inevitable to wonder – at some point – how everything would have happened if we had chosen a different path.. This is precisely what counterfactual thinking is based on, projecting alternative realities that would have arisen from different decisions.

We can delve into the past and formulate various scenarios, comparing them with the current situation (if he had been kinder we wouldn’t be angry now). We can also apply this type of reasoning to future situations (If I leave this job, I probably won’t find anything better and will end up unemployed).

Benefits of counterfactual thinking

This cognitive process has some benefits as long as it is used in moderation. First, it helps us learn from past mistakes and better plan our decisions.. When we face a dilemma that we have already experienced before, we have a basis to predict certain events. Thus, experience can be the starting point for making better decisions.

Let’s take an example. In the past we failed an exam because we did not start studying early enough. Surely in those moments we had thoughts like: “If I had organized myself better, I would have passed the evaluation”. In this way, in similar situations, we will decide to keep the agenda up to date.

On the other hand, It also helps us feel satisfied with our achievements. (if I hadn’t moved cities, I would never have met my best friend) and helps us find relief in negative situations (if I had been in this car accident without wearing a seat belt, it would have been much more serious).

Focus on the present

However, if we lose sight of the usefulness that this thought can have and begin to use it constantly, we will have problems. We may begin to experience negative emotions from decisions we made in the past. We may feel guilt, remorse, and frustration: “if I had been more attentive, our friendship would not have ended,” “if I had not gotten married so young, I would have been able to enjoy more experiences in life.”

Read Also: The 4 types of internal dialogue that you should avoid

We must remember that counterfactual thinking can serve as a guide for the future, but it should never be an anchor to the past.. If you feel that you did not act correctly, try to correct the mistake and learn the lesson for future situations. In one way or another, take reflection as a starting point to build the future you want, not as an emotional burden.

In the same way, Engaging in a loop of thinking about the future can lead to anxiety, stress, and paralyzing indecision.. “And if I go to the interview and get nervous, I will make a fool of myself.” The reality is that we cannot predict the future, maybe we will get nervous or maybe we will get the job we want.

The past no longer exists and the future is a mystery. Let’s focus on accepting our present, learning the lessons and doing our best to forge the future we want to live. Let us remember that mistakes are part of life, that the path is made by walking and there will always be new opportunities..