Being a lover is a matter of choice |

When we study history, we realize how common it was for men and women to keep mistresses in past centuries. Of course there was discretion, however, it was often not even a secret to society. Within the context of the time, extramarital affairs even made sense and could be tolerated, as people did not marry for love, but to keep their possessions, to get rich, for security or for political relations. Thus, it is understandable that having a lover was one of the ways for someone to be happy, since marriages happened out of obligation, not affinity.

Nowadays, however, the need to have an extramarital relationship does not exist for some people, since they normally marry by choice. And even if a person feels coerced by family or circumstances to do so, legally no one can keep them married if they don’t want to. Much less will be frowned upon or really condemned. After all, nowadays people separate and divorce when they want and many times this is not even a surprise to anyone.

What drives a modern person to have a lover?

I believe that the romanticized idea that is still made of “affairs”. In the past, the lover was “the love of life”, the person you had to fight to stay together, your “better half” that society did not allow to enter your life, because of class and possessions. So, you stayed together in secret, because the love was too strong and you even ended up hoping that your respective spouses would die soon to be free from the prison of marriage.

However, what in the past was inevitable, in the 21st century becomes obsolete and sometimes only evidence of low self-esteem, fear of being alone, self-indulgence or lack of respect. In other words, if the person is married and has realized that they no longer love their husband or wife, it is essential that they separate. You don’t even have to have your lover as an excuse. It’s just a matter of moral integrity.

I know that many will have a series of reasons for not separating, such as:

My spouse threatened to kill himself My spouse is sick I depend on my spouse’s money I don’t want my children to suffer I don’t want to be talked about in the family

In response to these situations, if the partner has suicidal thoughts, they will have the urge to kill themselves for any reason. Therefore, she needs expert help, not control over her freedom to come and go. Now, if the spouse is sick, there is his family for that. And even if you want to take care of yourself, you don’t have to be married to do so. On the other hand, if you depend on money, create an escape plan. Start working, go back to school, become independent, and then separate. As for the children, make no mistake. They feel the unhappiness of the parents. It will be healthier for them to see both happy and apart than together, fighting or suffering in silence. Finally, being talked about in the family is something that cannot be avoided. Some family members will always criticize us, judge us, analyze us for anything and everything. So do what’s right for you and don’t care so much about what others think. They have no real power over your life.

Anyway, if you have a lover, ask yourself why you fell into this situation. If the answer is something in the romantic style of yesteryear, beware. No one lives impossible loves anymore nowadays. Not in our democratic society. If this person is the love of your life, be with them truly and exclusively. However, if it’s just a hobby, let her go. Nobody deserves to stay in this mainstay position.