The importance of exercising courage, even failure

She was named one of the world’s greatest leaders by Fortune and her name appears on Forbes’ list of the most powerful women changing the world. Reshma Saujani would it be too perfect to be true?

According to her, what took her far was just the opposite: the courage to take risks and make mistakes. “The pursuit of perfection limited me for a long time. At 33, I finally learned to be brave in my professional life, which also taught me to be brave in my personal life”, says the American.

The turning point was when, having never held public office, the Yale-trained lawyer at the time decided to run for a seat in the US Congress – becoming the first Indian-American woman to enter that race. This episode begins her book “Brave Yes, Perfect No” (Sextante), released in Brazil in August.

Here’s just a spoiler: Reshma lost badly to her opponent, taking just 19% of the votes, but she felt that, for the first time in her career, she was doing something truly brave. She liked that feeling. She realized that she needed to get rid of the fear of making mistakes once and for all, that she could no longer give up before trying and that, by doing so, she became stronger and more willing to chase her dreams. Since then, she has been collecting courageous attitudes.

Founded and is CEO of Girls Who Code, a non-profit organization dedicated to increasing the number of women working in technology. Also works in She Should Runwhose mission is to have more women in public leadership positions.

It was her talk at TED (a series of conferences to spread ideas), whose YouTube video had more than 4 million views, that inspired her to write the book. This month, Reshma is coming to Brazil to participate in the Rio Book Biennial, which runs until the 8th, as one of the international highlights.

In this chat, she tells how we, women, can have a life with more personal accomplishments and happiness “exercising the muscle of courage”.

CLAUDIA: In your book, you say that the fear of failure can limit happiness and personal fulfillment. How do you connect happiness and courage?

Since they were little, women live a social demand to be perfect, get the perfect grades, maintain a perfect appearance, be grateful for everything and put others before themselves. As we get older, we become addicted to perfection. It takes over every part of our life at school, at home, at work. The end of this demand for perfection is to have courage. When you learn to be brave, you have a happier life. I see so many women who stick to jobs that they just think are ok but don’t love. They also remain in relationships without feeling happy, they have hobbies or activities that they would like to do, but they don’t play because they think they are not good enough. When you let go of perfection, you reconnect your mind to courage, and that leads to happiness.

CLAUDIA: In Corajosa Sim, Perfeita Não, you present examples of yourself and other women…

Yup. It doesn’t matter if I’m talking to women from Brazil, England, India, the United States; whether they are older women, younger women, rich or poor… This is an experience that many of us have and that is leading us to anxiety and sadness. And it’s also contributing to a gap in female leadership. It is something that we see happen a lot in our daily lives. Most women I know are afraid to ask a question in a meeting unless the question is perfect. They won’t raise their hand for that promotion because they think they should know how to perform the duties of the new role perfectly. We also have the fault of the mother, who judges herself because her son is not wearing the perfect outfit or because she did not prepare the cookies for his birthday party with her own hands. Women find that they are constantly being judged in all sorts of ways, they feel that they have to execute everything to the fullest.

CLAUDIA: Is a woman who is not concerned with perfection happier?

She is happier and is making choices about her own life. It doesn’t mean that she will always achieve everything she wants. I believe there is a difference between that and having no regrets. There are a lot of things that we would like to do, conquer for ourselves, but that we cannot solve. I’ve run for public office twice and I feel no regrets because at least I tried.

CLAUDIA: What did you take away from the experience of speaking at TED that gave rise to the book? Did you use it as a career turning point? Did that give you more courage?

I live in this movement of exercising my courage. I always say that courage is like a muscle that needs to be constantly in motion. It’s not like, “Oh, okay, now I’m brave, I’m ready.” No! I often find myself reverting to old behaviors, especially as a parent, feeling like I’m going to be judged for this or that reason. The same thing as a CEO, as a leader, with friends. This is a constant noise, and not just in my mind. I keep talking to women who also have this behavior and keep asking themselves: “Why do I do this?”.

CLAUDIA: How can we start being brave now?

My idea is that you can’t be brave if you’re tired, and every woman I know is exhausted. We have to rest and not feel guilty about it. It’s worth simply sleeping, taking a walk, turning off your cell phone, whatever is good to feel energized. It is very important to find space for yourself without feeling selfish. And the second thing is to really practice that imperfection. For example, you don’t have to go to the bakery all dressed up and made up. It’s these small actions that prepare the muscle of courage, which help to be ready when it’s time to go on stage.

CLAUDIA: Do you have a mantra?

Yup. Courageous, yes; perfect, no.

CLAUDIA: What should we say to ourselves when we feel that we are moving towards perfection?

First, cheer up, recognize that it’s a journey, that courage is a muscle, that it’s okay if you relax. Once, I was on a plane with my family. I decided to give my husband my first class ticket because I knew he had been exhausted for months. I sat in the back with my son and at one point the little one started throwing M&M’s at me. I looked for my husband and saw him having a glass of wine, relaxed. I looked at my situation and said to myself, “A-ha! So this is me being a mother!” After that I had no doubts and I told him: “Let’s change seats now”. So it’s okay to correct yourself when you realize your behavior. You have to keep trying always.

CLAUDIA: How can we change the way we educate our daughters so that they grow up brave?

First, we have to recognize that they watch us, follow our behavior, copy us. We need an internal change in addition to working with our girls. An example? Let them play, get dirty, follow their passions. Show that you don’t have to be number 1 in swimming, soccer, gym class, but rather enjoy yourself and do what you love.

CLAUDIA: What to say and what not to say to the girls?

This reminds me of a friend who has a baby. She was always behind the girl, who was just starting to walk, saying: “Careful, dear; Careful, dear.” I listened and thought that she should say: “Go, girl; go, girl”. Stop protecting your daughter, let her challenge herself physically and emotionally.

CLAUDIA: Is the example of the father also important?

I think, in this case, it’s the mother’s, because the girls replicate what we are and how we treat each other. We mothers are more protective of daughters than fathers are.

CLAUDIA: How do you see the transformation of the girls in Girls Who Code, which you created?

We are on the way to closing the gender gap. We increase the number of girls interested in computer science. There are already 185,000 girls in the United States. We’ve just launched the project in the UK, India and Canada. I went to Jordan recently and met with female refugees to think about how we can teach programming there. We built a global movement to have girls learn to code a computer program. But the biggest issue behind this is that we have to teach them about courage, about how they use their voice, how they feel self-confident, believe in their abilities, find their passion. There are so many things that hold girls back… Understanding computer science is a superpower girls can have and a skill everyone should learn. And being brave instead of perfect is another kind of tool, competence, for them to reach their full potential.

CLAUDIA: Do you have plans to bring this project to Brazil?

Certainly. I’m excited to go to Brazil not only for the book launch but to learn more about the girls’ interests and what the barriers to opportunity are. When I go somewhere, I like to talk to people, find out what they think. Every country needs to prioritize girls’ education, because we know that when we educate females, we improve the economy and everyone benefits from it.