Mothers and lesbians: discover the story of these three families

“Mother is mother”. This simple saying is still repeated frequently, as it carries with it great meaning: the feeling that unites mother and child is something universal. It’s love, delivery and deep dedication. It is a feeling that is independent of race, social class or creed. And also regardless of sexual orientation! Loving another woman doesn’t make a mother less of a mother, but prejudice is still huge. Lesbian mothers are as real as all the others and are part of this new scenario of family relationships. Discover here the stories of three women who make us review the real sense of family: it’s about following the heart, even without following imposed rules.

Mirella Ferraz is 29 years old and is expecting her first baby. Brazilian from Campinas/SP, she moved to England in 2010 and today lives with British Fiona Tilley, her wife since 2013. “The desire to be a mother has always existed for both of us, and when we got married we knew it was another step in that direction”, he says. To make their dream come true, they opted for artificial fertilization. The boy arrives in December and, like all pregnant women, Mirella and Tilley are anxious and enjoying this phase a lot. “I feel so privileged to be living this pregnancy, to feel all these crazy (and sometimes chaotic) changes that are happening internally and externally. Sometimes I get fed up with not sleeping well, not fitting into my clothes, not having the same energy as before, etc. But the real thing is that being able to generate a being within us is madness – and magic – unique! Nothing compares to this.”

Mirella also says that the families fully supported the couple’s decision. “It took my parents a while to get used to the idea of ​​having a daughter married to another woman. But when they felt the love between us, they forgot the small detail that is our sex. In the end, what matters is that we are super happy, that’s why our families give us the greatest strength!” The little one still doesn’t have a name, but he already has something much more important: a family full of love that can’t wait to receive him.

Moms Mirella and Tilley: looking forward to the arrival of their first baby

Katia Auvray, 61, is also a mother and a lesbian, but her trajectory is completely different. “I divide my life into two equal parts: until I was 30, I dated many men, got married and had two children. From then on, I fell in love with the first woman, which was decisive for my filing for divorce. Things from the heart!”, she says. The process of acceptance with the family was long, as Katia wanted to preserve her young children in the beginning. “Twenty years ago things were very different! When they were both teenagers, we talked about it and they told me that they already knew and that it was okay.”

Katia met her current wife, Rose Ferrari, 20 years ago, but the difficulty in dealing with the homosexual relationship meant that they were apart for four years. Before the separation, they spent 16 years living together in separate rooms, to avoid embarrassment. “For more than a decade we tried so hard to hide our love that we almost forgot about it. We suffocated, it was mutilating. When we meet again, we make the big decision. I let my children know about the return – which made them very happy, as they liked her so much – and I made it very clear: we would assume our relationship for everyone”.

Last August, the two signed a stable union at the registry office, accompanied by family members. Katia has four grandchildren (aged between 6 and 10 years old), and says that explaining the situation to the little ones was not a seven-headed thing. “My youngest son enlightened the children with everything they were entitled to (laughs). The eldest was reticent and I answered the simple questions my 10-year-old granddaughter asked me myself, such as:

– Grandma, why did you go back to live with Aunt Rô?
– Because we got married.
– Like… girlfriends?
– No. People date and then get married.
– After you split up with Grandpa, you didn’t meet anyone?
– Nobody who? A man?
– IT IS.
“I fell in love with a woman, and that was it.
– But you can’t marry…
– You can, dear.

She remembers that the dialogue was a little scary at first, but that everything went well. “It was undeniably liberating. People have the right to be who they are, whole.” If a woman doesn’t become less of a mother (nor less of a grandmother) when she gets divorced and builds a new story with another man, why should it be any different when she decides to move on with her life next to another woman?

Katia and Rose making their 20-year union official. “Everyone has the right to live life to the fullest”

For Marisol Pacheco, 48 years old, the story happened the other way around: she first found her great love and then decided it was time to be a mother. Together with his wife Amanaide Xavier, she is the mother of Laura and Francisco, who are 11 and 5 years old. The story of this family began at Casa de Passagem Anjo da Guarda, a home in Novo Hamburgo/RS that shelters children from 0 to 12 years old. Both worked at the institution (Marisol as a social educator and Amanaide as a volunteer) and there they met their children. “Contact with the babies and children at Casa de Passagem awakened our maternal side”, recalls Marisol.

Laura was adopted at the age of four, after waiting a year through the legal process. “At first, the adoption was rejected by the prosecutor of the childhood court, on the understanding that a homoaffective couple is not in a position to adopt. The judge, in turn, hit the gavel and authorized it. Marisol says that the definitive criterion for the favorable decision was the fact that Laura has a chronic illness that requires care. After that, Francisco’s process was much faster and he was able to be adopted at just five months old. She says that explaining the family configuration to the children was something very natural and 100% clear. “Laura accompanied the entire process of her adoption. We always took her with us and she chose her last name herself. She and her brother have our two surnames: Xavier and Pacheco”.

At the age of three Francisco was diagnosed with autism and, because of this, he is confused and always asks about his birth. Even so, he never lacked patience and dedication to explain how it all happened. “Our history would make a beautiful book”, marvels Marisol.

Marisol (center) with his wife and children. “Love is in the spirit and not in the body.”