How to teach your children the importance of sharing

Sharing is something difficult even for adults, let alone for those who are still forming their personality. Remember your childhood: if you have several siblings, how many times did you fork the steak before the other? Or did you hide in your room with that special toy so you don’t have to borrow it? It’s part of the preservation instinct to want to keep what’s yours. “But it is also part of the normal process of child development to learn to share. This implies empathy, the ability to put yourself in the other’s shoes”, says family and couple psychotherapist Bruscagin. The awareness of the need to share begins to emerge in the child only after the age of 6. “But before that, she can be conditioned to share, without understanding the real importance of this act”, says . She understands how the little one deals with sharing at each age and how parents can help him:

From 0 to 1 year

The baby explores the objects and tries to understand that they are different, but he still doesn’t know if that is his. “The concept of dividing can already be introduced gradually. It’s good to show that the other also exists and has needs. He notices this when his mother is absent to eat or take a shower, and it is important to preserve these moments of separation”, says psychologist Ana Lúcia da Costa Rafael.

From 2 to 4 years

It’s the mine phase. The child becomes aware that he is a different being from others and from his own mother. She thinks that everything around her is hers. He soon discovers the “I”, that is why, during this period, it is common to say “Take me, this is mine”. For neuropsychologist Ana Paula Cuoccolo Macchia, from ABC Aprendizagem Centro Interdisciplinar, it is at this stage that parents make the main mistakes. “That’s because they think it’s funny when the child turns on the DVD, the sound, the TV, that is, objects that are not theirs, preventing the child from knowing how to differentiate what belongs to him or not. It is necessary to show that it is not hers so that she learns to respect others”, she says.

From 5 to 6 years

The need to have companions to play arises and the interest in being part of a group begins. This is when children really tend to grasp the concept of sharing. At this time, the importance of the example of parents grows. “And this can come from very simple things, like the mother saying: ‘Look, dad is sharing the pillow with me’, or ‘I’m going to share this ice cream with dad’”, exemplifies family psychotherapist Bruscagin. “Another good idea is to send an extra snack in the school backpack so that the child can offer it to their classmates”, adds the expert.

7 years or more

Sharing should no longer be a problem for the child. Unless you didn’t learn it right. “For concern about not frustrating the child, or because they think he is too young, parents leave the issue for later. In this case, they can encourage the child to participate in collective activities, such as scout groups and non-competitive sports, or to adopt an animal”, says Ana Paula. And always remember that it’s not just about sharing objects, but also tasks, cooperating, lending, taking your own time to take care of the other. It is important that the child realizes the good consequences of the act. “For example, when sharing a toy, she gets company to play together”, recalls psychiatrist Gabriel Lopes.

With whom to share?

For an only child, developing the ability to share can be more difficult, as he has no one to train this skill at home. “Adults can even try to play this role, but they tend to be more indulgent and give in easily”, says Bruscagin. The way out, then, is to ensure contact with other children and, in everyday situations, encourage selflessness. “A good attitude is to separate a shirt that is still new and say ‘you’ve grown, how about we give it to your cousin?’”, says Ana Paula Cuocollo Machia. It is often precisely the fact of having many siblings that encourages possession. In general, this happens when the rivalry between them is stimulated by the parents, favoring one of the children.

no exaggeration

Not so much to the sky, not so much to the sea. Some kids feel the need to share everything all the time. “Often, with this behavior, they are just trying to be accepted or liked by their peers. It’s as if sharing bought your ticket to the other’s world, a typical attitude of low child self-esteem”, says Bruscagin. “It is common, even, for this to happen with only children, who try, thus, to open their space in the group, since they have not developed enough skill to do otherwise”, she completes. Such a situation can also be a sign that the little one is not attached to material issues. “And that doesn’t constitute any problem, as long as it doesn’t constitute abuse by other children, or lack of care with their own things”, says Gabriel Lopes.