How to stop being intense in your relationships – follow this guide step by step –

Typically, every now and then your friends, your partner, or even your family, ask you to tone down your personality and stop being so intense.

But what do people mean when they tell you that you are too intense?

Defining an intense person is not so simple because not everyone is intense in the same way.

But there are some general traits that most people classified as intense share:

1.- They experience their emotions very strongly. It doesn’t matter if it is joyful emotion, anger, or sadness. They experience them with greater intensity than most people would experience when faced with the same event or situation.

2.- They exaggerate the meaning of their emotional relationships with others. For example, they idealize the importance and depth of friendships and relationships, even if they have just begun.

3.- They sympathize or antagonize other people too quickly. They may feel like they found a lifelong friend within two hours of meeting them, or that a stranger who happened to do something they disliked will be their archenemy for life.

4.- They tend to have too many expectations regarding budding romantic relationships.

This often leads them to scare the other party with attitudes typical of much longer and more stable relationships, such as talking about children, moving in together, or marriage.

5.- When their expectations are not met, they may lose their sense of objectivity, and not realize that it was their intense personality that did not help create a stable relationship in the first place.

6.- It is easy to take advantage of them when they are experiencing intense positive emotionality towards another person, as they will act with a blind trust that does not respond to reality or experience.

Do you identify with one or more of the previous points?

Well, in that case, you are most likely an intense person.

Being intense doesn’t make you a bad person, but you can scare others a little when you act out facts or emotions.

Additionally, the intensity of your affiliation with others can make you come off as an emotionally needy person, and even if it’s not true deep down, that will end up making potential partners and friends alike uncomfortable.

There is nothing wrong with living our emotions fully, but you must remember that balance is important in all areas of our life, including our sentimental life.

To stop being so intense, you need to do a little introspection regarding how you live and experience your emotions, but, above all, how you express them.

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1.- Give other people a break

Sometimes, when you feel very excited about a new friend or the possibility of starting an emotional relationship with someone, you make the mistake of starting to go too fast.

What you experience as an intuitive assurance that the other party is “the right person,” perhaps – or rather, surely – is something that the other party is just beginning to explore.

It is very likely that the other person will also like you in the first instance, but if right off the bat you bond too intensely and begin to demand time and attention, the other person will feel saturated very quickly.

Sometimes our emotional intensity responds to our desire to make others feel as special as we see them.

But in reality you are achieving the opposite effect, because others will think that you are not selective at all with your ties since you become attached too easily.

When two people really like each other or have many things in common, there is no reason why one of them should pressure or try to accelerate the process by which a relationship or friendship is consolidated.

This will happen naturally, over time, and as you get to know each other better.

2.- Stop falling in love with your expectations

If you are an intense person, you are probably familiar with your ability to fall in love in literally twenty minutes.

Maybe it’s something that the people around you are constantly pointing out to you: that you get too easily hooked on any show of sympathy or affection.

We do not doubt that you are one of those people who walks through life with honesty and good intentions ahead, but please remember that not everyone is like that.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are much more reserved when it comes to generating romantic expectations with others, or who simply enjoy manipulating people they like, before taking the time to get to know them.

Falling in love is a feeling that by definition has to do with the intense and the novel, but that does not mean that a night at the bar, or sharing a few drinks with you or their phone is all you need to fall in love with someone.

Give yourself time to really get to know the person, investigate their tastes and interests, check if there are affinities and if a relationship of any kind is viable, before declaring that you have gone crazy in love.

3.- Make sure it’s worth it before making it official

If your friends and family tend to roll their eyes and make a “again” face every time you announce that you have found the love of your life – again – they may be a little right that you continue to take things for granted. that do not exist.

In reality, the world doesn’t end because you think someone is the love of your life one day and the next day you realize that’s not the case.

What can happen is that you will be extremely disappointed and you will experience one disappointment after another.

Very intense people tend to think that their luck in love is terrible, instead of realizing that finding a stable partner is something that takes a lot of time and effort.

It’s okay that you’re excited about a new relationship, or that you really want to become friends with a particular person, but give the right value to terms like “love of my life” and “best friend in the whole world.” world”.

These titles are only genuinely earned through time and trust.

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4.- Find your emotional triggers

Finding the particular situations that cause your emotions to overflow in a very intense way is the first step so that you can learn to control them.

Some of the situations that are particularly difficult for intense people are:

to. Feeling displaced

If you feel bad every time your partner or friends spend time with other people, you need to recognize that the problem is not that your loved ones socialize, but that perhaps deep down you feel alone.

That feeling of loneliness must necessarily have a cause or reason, so set yourself the task of finding out and finding a solution, instead of constantly complaining to others that they are not paying you due attention.

b. Get excited on a romantic level

If it’s enough for them to wink at you or buy you a drink to make you feel like you’re incredibly lucky to have someone else like you and you should grab that person no matter what, chances are your self-esteem is a little rusty.

When we know how to value ourselves, we do not overestimate the meaning of the kind or flirtatious actions of others, and we give them their proper place until we truly verify that their intentions go further.

c. Be offended

There are many situations in which feeling offended is quite valid, but there are also many others in which others had no bad intention and the offense is only in our head.

Reacting with a Shakespearean drama because a friend arrived ten minutes late or because your boyfriend forgot to text you good night is not healthy.

It doesn’t mean that the world is against you and others are looking for opportunities to hurt you.

Only we are human beings and we are not perfect.

5.- Observe objectively what your intensity is doing to your relationships

Although the ultimate goal of all intense people is to generate and maintain relationships that are as close and close as possible, the reality is that their attitudes tend to cause just the opposite.

At the end of the day, if you take stock, you will realize that continuing on the same line can be dangerous.

If you want to start building more stable and genuine relationships, it is important that you learn to control your initial impulses and be more analytical with the expectations you have towards others and the way you show them your feelings.

6.- Trust your loved ones

Just because you are an intense person does not mean that you are not surrounded by people who truly love and value you.

To stop being so intense, it is a good idea to identify the relationships that are truly meaningful in your life and learn to trust them when they tell you that you are getting a little out of hand.

If your best friend tells you that you are being too intense with someone with whom you are only on a date, give yourself the opportunity to interpret what they are telling you as advice whose sole purpose is to avoid disappointment.

If your parents constantly tell you that you overreact when your friends don’t do what you want, maybe they are right and paying a little attention to them will help you a lot to improve your friendship dynamic.

It’s not about believing everything other people tell you, but if you identify a pattern in which a loved one tells you that you are too intense, use that as a starting point to build a more measured and healthier emotionality.

Leaving the intensity is not easy, but you will see that by following these tips you will achieve it, a willingness to improve will mark your destiny.

We know that it will go well for you because by simply reading this complete article you have already started on the path of change.

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