How to face breakup during pregnancy

Ending a relationship is never easy. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, the duration of the relationship or who decided to end it, this is a delicate moment that can provoke a series of different feelings and reactions in people – sadness, longing, disappointment, relief, regret, the need to adapt to a new reality.

If this adaptation and acceptance of the end of the relationship is already complicated at any stage of life, during pregnancy the situation can be even more complex. After all, in pregnancy, the mix of feelings also includes concern for the baby and the health of the pregnant woman.

“Due to hormonal changes, women become more sensitive during pregnancy and, in addition to physical care, it is necessary to balance their emotional state”, comments psychologist Lizandra Arita.

It is also a phase in which external opinions arrive all the time and can greatly impact the decisions of those involved – which is not always positive. Ideas that the couple should remain together for the sake of the baby and that the woman is solely responsible for the pregnancy are frequent in a society that is still very sexist. This type of thinking creates pressure on the pregnant woman and generates feelings of guilt and dependence that are not good for either the woman or the child.

“It takes a lot of courage to face the situation. At the end of a relationship without a child, only the couple suffers, in this case the mother needs to worry about her baby”, evaluates maternity coach and human development specialist Manu Maia.

There is no formula or a single way to face the situation. The context of each person and relationship is different and this greatly influences the way of thinking and acting. In this text, you will find some tips that can help at this time.

1. Not feeling guilty

Manu Maia remembers that the woman should not feel guilty about the end of the relationship. In addition to the confusion of their own feelings, external judgments can make the pregnant woman feel that she is the only one to blame for the end of the relationship – and things are not like that. You have to fight the feeling of guilt to move forward.

2. Don’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t feel good

The idea that the couple becomes closer and more in love during pregnancy is not always consistent with reality. If the couple’s coexistence is not going well and the relationship is not healthy, ending may be the best option. The decision, which is already difficult under any circumstances, becomes even more difficult when the woman considers the child that is about to be born. However, pregnancy should not be seen as an obligation to continue in an unhealthy relationship.

“Both the woman and the baby deserve much more than a home in which the couple has a troubled relationship and where there is no more respect or affinity between them. If the pregnant woman thinks that her home is not healthy and that she does not have a proper relationship, she should end the relationship for her sake and that of her baby”, advises Manu.

3. Think about the baby, but also think about yourself

Of course, thinking about the child’s needs is of great importance in a termination during pregnancy – after all, it can impact the baby’s immediate health and future life. However, it is imperative that women also think about themselves and take their own needs into consideration.

“The fact of being pregnant and very soon to be a mother does not mean that the woman has to put herself in the background. Work, study, have time for yourself, take care of yourself, feel beautiful, love your baby, plan his arrival and enjoy your pregnancy!”, points out Manu.

4. Seek support

“It is important to keep in mind that throughout pregnancy, physical health and emotional health must be in balance and both must be taken care of. One is as important as the other. Balance is essential”, reinforces Lizandra.

That’s why looking for support makes all the difference at that moment – ​​having someone to vent to, sharing your worries. Counting on the help of family and friends or opting for professional psychological support can be great steps to face the situation. If necessary, the pregnant woman can still seek support from her doctor to ensure her health and that of the baby.

“The truth is that the pregnant woman is not alone, this is the reality of many other women, so it is important to count on the support of people who go through the same situation”, suggests Manu. The coach indicates the search for single mothers or with absent partners to talk.

5. Adapt to the new reality

In addition to thinking about the arrival of the baby, which already promises to change a woman’s routine a lot, it is necessary to adapt to the fact that she is no longer in a relationship. “Dealing with change is not an easy task, especially when you are pregnant. Motherhood is a unique moment where there is a lot to understand, plan and do”, says Manu.

Here, it’s up to each one to decide what they want. The fact that it ended during a pregnancy does not mean that a woman will remain single: finding a new person and starting new relationships is something completely possible and normal. Preferring to remain single and raise the baby alone is equally possible and normal. The woman should not feel constrained or obliged to follow one of the paths for reasons of others. Being a single mother or embarking on a new relationship is a decision that is up to her alone.

If the desire is to keep the father present in the child’s life, even after the couple’s separation, it is important to reach an agreement that makes all parties involved comfortable – mother, father and baby.

It must be noted that each person is unique. This means that the situations will not be the same, as well as the feelings involved and the way the person chooses to deal with events – what works for one, will not always work for the other.

If you are in this situation, look for your best ways to face it, always thinking about what will do you good and make the most sense in your life. It’s not easy to let go of outside pressures or deal with judgments, but it’s critical to remember that your opinion matters most.