Learn the 7 ways to spot a master manipulator

Manipulation is the order of the day in today’s world. It is manipulated by power, the media and, of course, also in interpersonal relationships.. In fact, with some frequency we encounter some master of manipulation in our daily lives.

Manipulation is a form of emotional blackmail. A behavior is put in place to induce the other to think, feel or act without realizing it, the way the manipulator wants them to do.

And that is precisely the big problem with manipulation: It is a covert behavior, which is not always detectable for the person who is the victim of it.. Hence, many take the bait and end up allowing the manipulators to get away with it.

That is why it is very important to learn to identify the tactics that manipulators use.. Below we present 7 ways to identify a master of manipulation.

1. It makes you feel guilty and you don’t know why

A master manipulator resorts to victimization constantly

“Difficult childhood”, “ungrateful children”, “bad luck” and other similar formulas are his favorites. What discovers them is that they display those emotional scars with a certain pride. and they even end up boasting about them.

If, for example, you complain about their lack of consideration, they respond by saying something like “you get angry because I’m not a detail oriented person, but I had to put up with a father who abandoned me when I was three years old.” So, they disarm you with their traumas. Who is going to be so insensitive as to make complaints to someone who carries such a past? That’s his game.

2. He threatens you with subtlety

Indirect threats are one of the most common tactics among manipulators. They have used it and continue to use it from great leaders to small domestic tyrants, including seasoned publicists. This tactic consists of foreseeing the worst possible outcome as a consequence of some of your behaviors.

“If you keep eating that way, in 6 months you will be like a whale.” They don’t want you to eat and they probably have no arguments to justify what they say, they simply want you not to act like that. Maybe they’re annoyed by how happy you are to eat ice cream, or they think you spend too much money on food. They do not tell you openly what they think, but simply announce a catastrophe.

3. Disqualify what you do through sarcasm

If there is one thing a master manipulator hates, it is direct communication. “They don’t call you a dog, they offer you a bone,” says the popular saying. They usually use sarcasm to ridicule you or minimize the value of your thoughts, feelings, or actions. The manipulator wants others to feel insecure and inferior..

An example of this is when They send you an apparently friendly message, but it contains quite aggressive content: “Maybe if you read a little more you could have more select friends.” Translated it means: “You are an uneducated person and that is why your friends are poor devils.”

The manipulator’s victim sometimes comes to believe that these types of appraisals are ways to help him or her be better. Nothing more false. When someone wants to help another, they use direct and sincere communication.. Furthermore, he does not disqualify him, but rather makes a concrete contribution to him.

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4. He is almost always charming

Typical handlers know that “you caress the horse to ride it.” They usually start their work by being pleasant and wonderful.. They fill you with compliments and show signs of having exquisite tastes, super entertaining conversation and great “sensitivity” to your expectations.

That’s the first act. In the second act, things begin to change. When they have you convinced of how good people they are, they start to act, to charge you with manipulations for all that display of charm.

They have cast a kind of seduction net over you and you are prevented from evaluating them objectively. You will see with good eyes what they do and although from time to time doubts assail you, that person will always find a way to remind you that “you cannot think badly of someone who is truly fantastic.”

5. He proclaims himself the judge of your life

Without knowing how, suddenly the master of manipulation becomes a kind of “spiritual guide” for your life. They are extremely skilled at telling others how they should live, even if they themselves do not put into practice everything they preach.

They give you advice or explain great philosophical maxims. They tell you what you should do, step by step. If it doesn’t work, they blame you. He told you what you should do, if you did not follow to the letter the instructions that he so generously offered you.

A good friend, a good advisor, doesn’t tell you what you should do. Rather, it helps you discover it, because everyone is different and the answer that is valid for “A” may not be valid for “B”. Whoever loves you well, wants you free, not dependent.

6. He is skilled at speaking and also at changing the subject

Masters of manipulation are usually also masters in the art of words. They use flowery and fluid speeches. They always have some surprising or ingenious argument on hand, even if it is based on lies.

If they ridicule you, saying for example “You look like a penguin in that dress” and you get upset, they will immediately add “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you were so sensitive to jokes.” Yes or yes, they always win. They are magicians at playing dumb.

If you confront them, they probably won’t respond. They divert the conversation to other topics and when you least realize it, they are talking about issues that have nothing to do with what you initially complained about.

7. “Flip the cake” with ease

“Turn the cake” means that They break the glass, but you’re the one who ends up paying for it. and offering all kinds of excuses.

A very classic example of a master manipulator is the husband whose wife has caught him being unfaithful.. When the woman takes out the motel bill she found in a pocket, he becomes enraged and calls her out for snooping through her personal belongings. She gives him a long tirade about the importance of trust in a relationship and respecting spaces.

In the end, The woman feels so wrong that she ends up asking him for forgiveness for being so “controlling.” and the topic of infidelity ends up seeming like a misunderstanding that should never have occurred.

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Images courtesy of Art PK, Holly Clifton-Brown