Why don’t we like being told what to do?

Why don’t we like being told what to do? Often, we act like rebels without a cause, like discreet reactionaries to other people’s advice, to the guidelines that others give us with good will, and also like proud figures who hate taking on the orders that come to us from positions of greater authority.

It is true that in our daily lives we receive more than one recommendation, advice that we did not ask for and even specific guidelines.. However, there are many times that we process them with annoyance and even anger. We even feel the need to avoid those who try to tell us what we should do.

It is as if there was a kind of detector inside us that begins to ring when someone comes to us with phrases that begin with “you have to or should…” . Why then is it that a large part of the population has an aversion to orders, advice or suggestions?

Brain science gives us the answer. We analyze it.

Reasons why we don’t like being told what to do

It may be curious, but one of the first words that children learn to say is “no.” As soon as they start communicating, this word appears almost instantly to make it clear that they do not want that food, that they do not want that toy or that they are not going to stop doing what they are doing. Setting limits and reacting to parental authority is an early behavior that appears in all children..

As human beings, there is something that clearly defines us and that is the desire for independence and autonomy.. On average, we want to have as much freedom as possible when making decisions, to be independent when making our way through life without the burden of rules or other people’s impositions. In this way, when we suddenly feel that others are imposing their guidelines on us, that neurological “rebel” in us is activated.

Now, but Why don’t we like being told what to do? What mechanism regulates that sensation?

Psychological reactance: don’t violate my freedom!

Since the psychologist J. W Brehm introduced this term in 1966, we know much more about this dimension. Psychological reactance defines that behavioral resistance to the social influence of others.. It is also a response that the brain orchestrates when it feels personal freedom is threatened. Dr. Brehmem pointed out the following:

On the other hand, research work, such as those carried out at the University of Salzburg (Austria), tells us that we do not like being told what to do because two dimensions are activated in the brain. On the one hand, there is the emotional mechanism. The body experiences anger, rage, hostility and discomfort when someone gives us an order.

In addition, Very specific thoughts emerge in our minds and are orchestrated by psychological reactance.. They are ideas of self-protection and self-defense: “They are limiting my decision-making capacity, they are challenging my identity, my freedom, my ability to act for myself, etc.”

There are individual differences: some are more reactive and others less

There is something we must take into account. Not everyone feels comfortable without receiving guidelines, advice or even orders.. There is a proliferation of people who prefer to have a well-planned life, a job in which the responsibilities are held by others and one is limited only to following what has been established.

There are therefore people with a greater tolerance for the psychological reactance of the brain and others with a clear aversion to receiving orders and even the slightest suggestion. This is the extreme case and often the most problematic. We’ve all met someone to whom you can’t say anything. There are many who react with anger and those who end up doing just the opposite of what is suggested to them. (although with that behavior they lead to a bad result).

This information is important. Studies such as those carried out at the University of Oklahoma indicate that this last reality, that of extreme psychological reactance, can be a danger to public health. We are seeing it in the current pandemic with those who refuse to follow health regulations.

Likewise, something interesting was also demonstrated with this work. Sometimes, telling or suggesting to a person to do what they believe is best for their health causes them to act appropriately (Bessarabova, Fink, & Turner, 2013; Miller et al., 2007).

People don’t like being told what to do (the sensitive ego)

Most of us believe we have a rebellious ego. It is true that people do not like to be told what to do. However, More than a rebellious self, what we have is a sensitive ego.. When someone gives us an order, what we don’t like is showing that others can dominate us. It is perceiving ourselves as inferior and even vulnerable.

Sometimes that innate pride that activates psychological reactance may be useful to us. However, There are situations in which it is good and even necessary to accept advice and follow recommendations.. What’s more, in our daily lives we receive everyday requests that should not be interpreted in a challenging way.

If our partner asks us to put on a washing machine or if our father asks us to buy him something certain, we don’t have to react with anger or discomfort. A request is not a threat, it is part of the normal flow of coexistence. Let’s reflect on it.

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