Do you know how to deal with the shortage? Here’s How to Stop Fearing Loneliness

Feeling needy is something that happens to all human beings. The affective lack can be more or less intense, it can last for a short or long period and some people live in a state of need for a lifetime.

What happens most of the time is that we were not trained to meet our needs, at least temporarily.

We imagine that this affective supply can only occur if we are with a partner. No wonder there are many people who “can’t be alone”.

We have several sources of affection that we don’t recognize as such because our culture practically demands that we are dating or married, as if this were a guarantee of affective fullness. It is not!

And because of this belief we become less selective, we end up going blindly into relationships that turn into suffering and problem as soon as the phase of enchantment, of seduction, ends.

We find ourselves involved with difficult, overly jealous, exploitative, insensitive, disrespectful people, with a personality far removed from what we intended to have by our side.

and by fear of lonelinessin the illusion that being with someone will be safe from need, we do not realize that we continue to be emptied of affection, begging for love and attention.

Look around when you feel needy

When you feel lacking, turn your gaze to the other sectors of your life and realize how much you are losing in terms of affective quality of life when you believe that it can only be supplied by being immersed in a relationship for two. Pay attention to:

Your family – your parents, no matter how much you have problems living together, show love in the most varied ways: making delicious food, taking care of the organization and maintenance of the house, taking an interest in your well-being.

Open your heart to this silent affection, know how to receive and reciprocate. Recognize the affection contained in small attitudes.

Your children – still small, or teenagers and even adults, show their affection with a game, sharing a secret, sharing a joy, demonstrating confidence.
Your friends – the invitation to a party, the declaration of friendship, the shoulder offered with no other interest than to support you or the search for your shoulder confiding in problems.
Your co-workers or high school/college colleagues – help provided in a matter or guidance on the company’s guidelines is a generous attitude, an invitation to lunch or a night out demonstrating that your presence is appreciated…

Learn to nurture yourself

If you learn to recognize an affective attitude in small gestures, you will feel much more satisfied and happy. But just as important as feeling nurtured by colleagues, friends, family, and children is learning to nurture yourself.

Value your qualities and learn to recognize the cool things you do, the cool person you are!

Learn to give yourself small gifts, from a nice cup of coffee to a well-deserved vacation. But do it consciously, without turning on the “autopilot”.

While preparing your coffee, enjoy this moment, realize that you can cuddle when you enjoy the pleasure of lying on scented sheets or when you prepare popcorn to watch that movie you wanted so much to see.

The couples we choose to share life together will be much closer to emotionally satisfying us when we are moved by the desire to be together, instead of being moved by need to meet our needs.

When we are at peace because we know that we are able to provide for ourselves in different ways, we are also more alert, we can better detect whether the person we are getting involved with has the qualities we desire and deserve.

It is very important to be “attuned” to yourself and recognize the amount of affection that surrounds you. And before you go wildly looking outside to fill the voids in your heart, do for yourself what you would like someone to do. In other words, take care of yourself. Love yourself!