What causes the relationship to cool down over time?

Calls every hour of the day, dates every night, kisses over there, hugs over here. As they say, the beginning of a relationship is really a bed of roses. But years of relationship, building a routine and increasing intimacy in a couple can be decisive factors for the fire of passion to give way to a worn-out relationship.

The psychologist at the CEAAP clinic, Tiago Lupoli, explains why dating, marriages and engagements “cool down” over time. “Most relationships tend to wear out due to the fact that lovers do not realize the peculiarities of intense coexistence – intimacy, loss of freedom, sharing emotions and difficulties, different desires and goals, among other factors.”

If you’re still at the beginning of a relationship, don’t be alarmed. There is no rule, that is, not all relationships wear out. According to Lupoli, the “happily ever after” dream is perfectly achievable. “The love that moves the relationship should not be considered as an objective achieved, but the path. When the objective is achieved, the couple understands that there is no longer any reason to persevere on this path. This discourages lovers from exploring and potentiating their feelings for each other,” she says.

There are those who judge routine as the great villain of relationships, especially marriages. But, it is important to know that it is not the only preponderant factor for the erosion of affective relationships. “Routine, together with the lack of communication, excessive dedication to work, coexistence, intimacy and uncontrolled jealousy makes room for the lovers to wear out in the relationship”, says the psychologist.

2 tips to know if your relationship is frayed

You hardly ever kiss anymore? The lack of kissing is a great thermometer for the relationship. “It is natural that at the beginning of the relationship the kisses are longer and more frequent, since the lovers are under the strong influence of passion. The wear and tear in the relationship distances the lovers and it is easier to lose interest and care for the partner. Low mutual admiration discourages lovers from kissing, hugging and sharing unique moments”, explains Lupoli.

The frequency with which you have sex can also define whether the relationship is worn out or not. To maintain a satisfying sex life, the couple needs to be in tune or else sex will be seen as an obligation. “Some sexual dysfunctions, such as erectile difficulty, anorgasmia and hypoactive sexual desire, can be the result of a worn out relationship”, explains the psychologist.

How to avoid the distance between the couple

Communication is always essential: don’t avoid “DR” (Relationship Discussion). “Discussing the relationship in an open way favors interaction between lovers, facilitates dealing with intimacy, gives confidence to the couple, allows spaces of freedom and enhances mutual respect”, concludes a psychologist at the CEAAP clinic.

In addition to maintaining a good conversation, some small actions are essential. Check out tips for maintaining a good relationship:

• Make time for dating. The idea is for the couple to spend time together in a romantic program, dinner, cinema, travel;
• Seek to maintain the relationship. Always seek to live as in the beginning of courtship;
• Be creative in all aspects of everyday life. Spontaneity is the number one enemy of routine.

Estrangement between the couple happens often, but it doesn’t have to happen to you. Fights, disagreements and even routine are natural, but it is up to the couple to try to keep the quality of the relationship high.