I have everything, but I am not happy: why does it happen?

You have everything, but you still don’t feel satisfied and even less happy. For what is this? In reality, everything you have will not guarantee your satisfaction. Authentic happiness requires being good with yourself. We analyze it.

I have everything, but I’m not happy. I have all those things that should make me feel good and satisfied with myself: good job, family, a partner I love… My life, apparently, is complete, but even so I am overcome by the feeling of emptiness, dissatisfaction and even discomfort. . What is the cause? Why do I feel this way?

Erich Fromm once rightly pointed out that “If we are not happy with everything we have, we will not be happy with what we lack.”. However… What really is that specific thing that is absent in us? Is it self-esteem, is it perhaps self-actualization, that area that Abraham Maslow placed at the top of his pyramid of human needs?

In fact, this is a question that many people frequently ask themselves. The feeling that we have everything and yet we are missing something as profound as it is decisive. that we do not know how to define, is a recurring experience. In these types of circumstances, there is only one option: stop, make contact with ourselves and answer a series of questions.

We analyze them.

I have everything, but I am not happy: causes that we must consider

We have become accustomed to hearing that happiness is not outside, it is inside us. However… what do we really mean by this expression? The truth is that it is very difficult to search for something within ourselves when in the depths of our being, only dissatisfaction, frustration and the feeling of emptiness dwell.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry reminded us of “The essential is invisible to the eyes”. Our society also frequently tells us that less is more, that we must learn to be happy with the minimum. Now, many of these approaches often lead us astray, because they overlook a decisive fact: happiness is only possible if there is mental health.

Therefore, it takes a lot, a lot to be happy: We need healthy self-esteem, coping skills, skills to understand our own emotions and those of others… We also need a defined identity, to be assertive, to have good social skills and tools to face stress, failures, uncertainty, disappointments…

In this way, when we say to ourselves “I have everything, but I am not happy”, perhaps we should do an act of deep reflection. Let’s know, therefore, what areas can mediate this type of perceptions.

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Chronic dissatisfaction

There are those who rarely experience satisfaction, who never feel the tingle of happiness that embraces, that nourishes and liberates. This may be due to what we know as chronic dissatisfaction syndrome or bovarism (after Madame Bovary, Gustave Flauvert’s character). In this case, what defines these people is the following:

They present unrealistic expectations. They have a conception of how clearly impossible and unreal things should be. They set impossible goals.They have a distorted view of reality. They only see what fits their perspectives. Sometimes, even if things go well, they will focus on the most negative factors.Lack of self-knowledge. They are not clear about their identity, what they really want, what they expect from themselves, they do not know what their virtues and defects are…

Your life does not fit your authentic values or needs

You have a job, but it’s not the job you dreamed of. You have a partner, but even though you get along well and love that person, you perceive that the passion, the illusion… The lifestyle you lead may be satisfying, but it doesn’t really fit your true needs. It is possible that deep down, you long for other things.

When we tell ourselves “I have everything, but I’m not happy”, it is possible that in reality what we have we do not really like, nor does it fit our own values. We may have forcibly accommodated ourselves, adapted to what surrounds us without really asking ourselves if it was what we wanted.

Low self-esteem

On the other hand, dissatisfaction and unhappiness can be due to the way you perceive yourself. In this case, the negative evaluation of oneself (such as considering oneself unattractive, unintelligent or uncapable) significantly influences the appearance of emotional distress.

In fact, studies such as the one carried out by Florida State University prove that Strengthened self-esteem leads to greater happiness and satisfaction in life.

lack of meaning

The statement “I have everything, but I am not happy” can also be because there is a lack of meaning in our lives. That is to say, not having a goal or purpose by which to move forward It can cause people to become depressed.

The Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl very well stated that The most important motivation of human beings is to give meaning to their own lives.whatever your situation.

Read Also: Happiness is a personal decision

in his book Man’s Search for MeaningFrankl says that any person, in Any circumstance, even one of extreme suffering, can hold on to a reason to live. If not, we will be condemned to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, even though we have everything. Hence, the importance of identifying what our purpose is in this life.

Human beings require connection with other people to feel fulfilled.. However, with the growing proliferation of new technologies and social networks, the genuine connection with others has been replaced by a more superficial one.

In other words, true connection with others involves going beyond digital interactions; and If we stop connecting face to face with others, we may feel empty and unhappy.

Problems in your mental health

One can have a job, family, good friends, a house and financial stability. Apparently, “has it all“, but it still overwhelms discomfort, worry, anguish and unhappiness. The most complicated thing is that those who have everything do not dare to show their internal suffering. because he thinks that no one will be able to understand him. And something like this increases the anguish even more.

It is important to consider one aspect. Often, depression can hide behind these situations. Thus, studies such as those carried out at the Universities of Oslo by Dr. Teemu Risanen indicate that Life dissatisfaction is often related to major depression. It is decisive, therefore, to be aware of this and receive specialized help when we need it.

Do you take control of your life or do you let yourself go?

Do you act or do you let yourself go? Do you decide for yourself or do others decide for you?… Sometimes, almost without knowing how, We reach a point in our lives where we begin to act out of inertia.. We fall into the thickness of routines, into that everyday life in which our illusions are filed away to fit into what others expect of us.

Little by little, we are locked in a prison of invisible bars, in a space of which we no longer have control.. Work marks our days and family our obligations. In that small universe we find no corners for ourselves and then, dreams, hopes, secret illusions disappear…

So, when we tell ourselves that “I have everything, but I’m not happy”, maybe it’s time to make a change. There is no need to start a revolution or restart from scratch. Sometimes, It is enough to ask ourselves what we really want to give ourselves what we need. For that, you need determination and self-love.

Read Also: Psychology of connection: the art of connecting with certain people from the heart

“I have everything, but I am not happy”: what to do?

In some cases, it can be difficult to identify the reason for our dissatisfaction. That is why, below, We show a list of tips that can help you understand what is hidden behind that unhappiness.

Review your expectations: As we already said, high or unrealistic expectations can be the cause of our unhappiness. For example, believing that we will be people of value to the extent that we are more hard-working, therefore, we overload ourselves with tasks and responsibilities. In this case, it is important that we review our belief system and identify which assumptions may be harming us.Reflect on the meaning of happiness: Many times we let ourselves be carried away by what we believe will make us happy, adapting our own desires to what we have been taught. For example, it is likely that society has instilled in us that we must have a stable partner or pursue a career to be happy. But the truth is that happiness is quite personal, and what makes you happy doesn’t have to be the same as someone else’s. Therefore, start questioning what makes you feel fulfilled.Give yourself a break: Sometimes pauses and breaks are necessary to clarify our ideas. Therefore, disconnect from your routine for a few days and dedicate yourself to identifying why you are not happy.Make a list of the pros and cons: many times we are not fully aware of the good and not so good aspects of our lives. Therefore, a good way to keep them in mind is to make a list of the positive and the negative. This way, it will be easier to identify what we want to change and what we want to maintain.Go with a professional: Constant dissatisfaction and unhappiness can be indicators of delicate mental conditions, such as depression. Therefore, if you feel that this situation is beyond you, the ideal is to go to a mental health specialist, who will deal with the case according to your particular circumstances.

To conclude, we emphasize that happiness implies self-knowledge and self-care, so let’s do everything possible to work on these aspects.