Platonic love linked to low self-esteem |

When we think of platonic love, we usually go back to our adolescence, that passion for the teacher or teacher, for the most popular boy or girl in school or for TV and movie idols. An idealized love, with a glamorous tone, illustrated by imaginary scenes and kisses.

We grow up, and those dreams are in the past. However, how many times do we end up reproducing the old platonic loves in a new way? They start to be directed to closer people, they are apparently more “possible” loves.

However, even so, they maintain the unfeasibility of the realization of the love bond. A distance from the loved one that manifests itself in differences that can occur in the social, age, hierarchical scope, through a forbidden relationship, or simply by a block in showing the feeling, which ends up making the loved one unreachable.

Thus, we realize that all manifestations of platonic love have the same characteristic: impossibility.

The desired person symbolizes something we lack

These impossible loves often reflect something we admire: the beauty, intelligence, charm or some special ability of a certain person that makes us want them.

When we look at this profound admiration, which can reach idolatry, it is interesting to realize that what we appreciate so much in the other is actually what, somehow, we cannot see in ourselves.

If we think about it, adolescence is a phase in which self-esteem and individuality become more decisive in our lives.

Adolescent platonic love represents this reference of what we want to be and have, and it can be positive by stimulating the search for what one wants – at first seen as something external, in another person.

The platonic factor of love makes externally unattainable what we are actually looking for within ourselves.

We project externally the possibilities to conquer what will only be achieved within us, but which we put out of our reach, somehow distancing ourselves from our own realization.

The question to ask yourself is: why do we continue to make precisely what we most desire unattainable, projecting it onto others?

The comfortable side of illusions

Living the illusions of a platonic love is part of our affective maturation. However, the repetition of this situation requires understanding what is behind this unconscious search for the impossible. It is easy to see that this type of love implies fear, an escape.

Feeding on the illusion, even if it doesn’t bring the long-awaited realization of love, is safer and more comfortable than facing reality and all the inevitable confrontations in the experience of relationships.

Real life is much duller, less glamorous and much more work than idealized love. The happy ending of movies and fairy tales is not the general rule for most romantic relationships.

Why are we afraid to face fears?

Often in trapped feelings, prisoners of our difficulty to show ourselves, to expose ourselves and to place ourselves for the other. Afraid of feeling exposed, submissive, and even humiliated by possible rejection, we close ourselves in on ourselves. Our greatest desire is to live love, however, our greatest fear is to show it to those we love. So what we want most becomes our greatest fear.

The reasons that create the fear of experiencing real love can have the most varied roots: experiencing harmful parental relationships as a child, personally experiencing and/or seeing traumatic affective experiences around you, traumatic situations of rejection and abandonment that are recorded in the emotional field (although today they may not seem like a problem).

Rejection always brings a very intense pain. However, this pain usually has deeper roots, and it is on them that we must focus to find ways to live love in a truer and healthier way.

Rejection always brings a very intense pain. However, this pain usually has deeper roots, and it is on them that we must focus to find ways to live love in a truer and healthier way.

The pain of rejection represents a fragility, creating a wound that makes us stop believing in ourselves, weakening self-esteem and personal power.

Platonic love as an opportunity

Through platonic loves, life challenges us to overcome our fears, and thereby strengthen our self-esteem and personal power. Such experiences invite us to overcome ourselves, so that we are able to experience true love!

Reflections:

Do you tend to fall in love with unreachable people? Are you too lazy to interact socially? Do you have difficulties dealing with personal differences? Does intense admiration for someone make you ignore other not-so-positive characteristics of the person?

The greater the number of positive responses, the more likely you are to be attracted to platonic loves. Try to reflect and understand, according to the aspects addressed in the article, which fears may be keeping you away from the real experience of affective relationships. If you experience difficulty, therapeutic guidance can be of great help.