6 keys to avoid falling in love so quickly

Avoiding falling in love so quickly will save you disappointments, truncated stories and more than one tear of disappointment. Now, it is true that it is not easy to stop the impulse of that heart, somewhat blind, that is instantly dazzled by someone it has just met. However, it helps to control the idealization mechanism and strengthen the self-esteem muscle.

Likewise, you will be interested to know that this emotional and behavioral pattern is reflected in the term “emoophilia.” This is a profile that science has known for a long time. It integrates a series of very specific attitudes and mental approaches that can be addressed and worked on. We suggest, therefore, that you take into account some strategies to improve the quality of your relationships.

Keys to avoid falling in love so quickly

As we pointed out, The tendency to fall in love quickly is called “emoophilia.” It is more common than you think and also has a peculiarity that they describe in Personality and individual differences. Many times, this behavior shows characteristics typical of anxious attachment, which makes it difficult to differentiate one dynamic from the other.

However, knowing that behind the person who falls in love hides a form of attachment that tends towards dependency is very useful. Reveals the anatomy of this profile to offer appropriate help guidelines. Thus, If you identify with the present dimension, the starting line will always be to investigate the origin. Below, we offer you a series of keys.

1. Understand the causes

When it comes to avoiding falling in love so quickly, it is crucial to know the causes behind this behavior. Anxious attachment almost always builds the foundations of the urgent need to bond with someone. The fear of loneliness, the tendency to idealize and low self-esteem are generally the triggers that ignite this emotional vulnerability in you.

There is another recurring element. It’s common to barely leave much time between a breakup and a new relationship. Not carrying out a deep and restorative mourning prevents you from analyzing what happened. The pain of emptiness weighs you down excessively and makes you prefer to put a patch on it and fall in love again, rather than stopping to learn from that experience.

2. Develop your emotional independence

Often, behind blind and impulsive love, there live fears and emotional immaturity. There is an innate need to idealize, to see positive traits in others that you don’t see in yourself. You also long to fill voids, to have someone to protect and validate you. Although all this is enriching, in the long term it may lead to disappointments and dependent relationships.

If you want to moderate your tendency to fall in love, enhance your emotional independence. Work on yourself, become the person you are looking for in a potential partner. In this way, you will gain self-esteem and be more cautious when offering your heart to whoever appears first. We explain how:

Work on your difficult emotions: Go deeper into your negatively valenced emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and fear of loneliness. Accept these internal realities and understand their origin to better manage them.Personal responsibility: Recognize that you are responsible for your own emotions, your behavior and of course, yourself. Don’t depend on others to be happy, fill your shortcomings or silence your insecurities. Empower yourself.Self-knowledge: understand your emotions. Reflect on what you feel and why you feel it. This will help you reduce your emotional “myopia” and identify patterns in order to know what you look for in others when you fall in love.Develop your emotional resilience: A publication in Frontiers in Psychology highlights the usefulness of resilience to improve emotional intelligence. In this sense, it is essential that you develop your capacity in order to recover from adversities and emotional challenges. This way you will gain independence.

3. Stop idealizing

When it comes to avoiding falling in love so quickly, it is essential to learn to deactivate the idealization mechanism. Being able to see people as they are, without creating fanciful expectations, prevents disappointment and suffering. We say this because of a very specific detail that they expose in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences.

Emophilia, or the tendency to fall in love quickly, increases the risk of feeling attracted to someone with dark personality traits (Machiavellianism, narcissism, psychopathy). To avoid this type of relationship, it is advisable to work in the following areas:

Recognize that in your sexual relationships you tend to idealize. Observe and listen to the person in front of you without exaggerating their virtues. Reduce expectations and try to get to know that figure little by little, without rushing. Review your beliefs about romantic love and deactivate the influence of these biases. Remember that no one is perfect: all people have defects that must be detected. When you meet someone you like, introduce them to your friends. They will help you gain perspective.

4. Strengthen your self-esteem

Self-esteem is that psychological muscle that will allow you to set limits on what is not good for you. Thanks to it you will stop looking for those prosthetic loves with which to fill your voids and alleviate loneliness. Furthermore, a low level of this dimension, according to research published in Current Psychology, mediates relational dissatisfaction. See how to improve this construct:

Challenge negative thoughts: Pay attention to your negative and self-critical thought patterns and work on transforming them. To do this, question them and replace them with more realistic and positive approaches.Practice self-care: Take time to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. This includes healthy eating, regular exercise, adequate rest and stress management.Cultivate self-acceptance: Learn to accept yourself as you are, with all your virtues and defects. Recognize your values, your potentials and remember daily that you don’t need someone by your side to remind you of your worth.Awaken your strengths and talents: There are great skills in you that you have not yet discovered. To do this, it is good that you enter new situations to discover what you are capable of. Also, don’t hesitate to identify talents and spend time developing them. Doing what you are passionate about can increase your self-esteem and self-confidence.Reformulate your emotional goals: To avoid falling in love so quickly, it will help to set other emotional goals for yourself. Keep in mind that you can also be happy without having a partner. Analyze your beliefs about relationships and establish healthier ideas, such as: “Before I love someone, I must first love myself as I deserve.”

Falling in love quickly and frequently can put you at risk and lead to unhealthy and dependent relationships. What’s more, there is a greater risk that you will feel more attracted to narcissistic personalities.

5. Enjoy other priorities

Love is magical and overwhelming; no one can deny it. But To avoid falling in love so quickly, it is worth looking at other vital spheres. Don’t get obsessed with looking for the perfect person, just find yourself first. Enjoy your company, focus on new goals, learning to be alone from time to time, delighting in your friendships…

Spending your time in other interesting areas will allow you to keep your romantic tendencies under control. Sign up for courses, travel, learn new skills, set motivating goals. As you strengthen your emotional independence and self-esteem, you will feel more fulfilled. Before falling in love again, fall in love with yourself and with life.

6. Be clear about the person who suits you

You have been through many experiences. Your emotional backpack accumulates disappointments, disappointments, mistakes and loves that left more than one wound. It is time to pay attention to that internal space and learn. Every relationship experience should help you clarify what type of person you want in your life.

Become aware of the dynamics and attitudes that are not permissible. Notice those red flags that alert you to something that is not going well. And finally, Be clear about what values ​​and personality style are the ones that can make you the most happy. This information will act as guides so that your heart opens the doors to the most suitable man or woman. Without rushing.

Love, better over low heat

It is evident that when you have been in love for half your life, it will not be easy to regulate that emotional impulse. But always remember that this tendency responds to a pattern and a need. Idealization, low self-esteem and the inability to be alone frequently articulate this behavior.

Consider that slow-burn love, which is built more slowly and maturely, is usually more enriching. Work on your insecurities and self-concept, be clear about what you want and avoid being a kamikaze in this matter. It is better to be prudent and enjoy your singleness than to crash after being a victim of emophilia. Don’t hesitate to ask for professional help if you need it.

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