Farewell rites: beyond funeral rites

The grieving process begins when a loved one dies. After death, a series of procedures begin, both legal and personal, with the aim of saying goodbye to the deceased and accepting the loss. Among them are what we know as farewell rites, which are usually funeral rites: the wake, burial or cremation, and the funeral.

However, There are situations in which mourners cannot perform conventional farewell rites. This makes it difficult to say goodbye and grieve, which makes accepting the loss very difficult and can lead to complicated grief.

In this situations, Resorting to symbolic rites can be a very beneficial option for mourners. It is a set of actions aimed at honoring, remembering or saying goodbye to a deceased loved one and can facilitate the process of mourning.

As an alternative to conventional rites, they can be carried out more intimately or even in solitude. They can help not only in the aforementioned process of mourning, but also in settling pending accounts with the deceased.

They are useful and common in situations where a loved one dies suddenly. and the mourner suffers from unexpected grief syndrome, for example. In these cases, conversations, goodbyes, thanks, etc. are usually pending.

In situations where the deceased and the mourner are in different countries and cannot attend funeral rites, symbolic rites are a good tool to facilitate the grieving process. Likewise, they are useful in situations in which the sufferer cannot go to them due to some circumstance such as, for example, being hospitalized. However, there are other less accepted cases in which the only option for mourners may be to resort to these rites.

Symbolic farewell rites in unauthorized duels

There are, unfortunately, other situations in which funeral rites are not permitted, cannot be carried out, or are not accepted, such as unauthorized mourning. These occur in the following situations:

Situations in which a member of an unauthorized or not socially accepted couple dies, of a divorced couple or a non-formalized couple. In these situations, the mourner is denied the right to grieve and say goodbye to their loved one. Therefore, perhaps the only way or way to say goodbye and pay tribute is through performing rituals with symbolic value.Perinatal grief situations, especially if the baby’s death occurs before birth. These are situations in which the mother does not have access to the body of her deceased baby, which makes it difficult to grieve. Unfortunately, this remains a taboo topic and the loss is not validated or socially accepted.Situations in which it is not accepted that a duel occurs. For example, grief over the loss of a pet is not as socially accepted as grief over the loss of a human life. For people who have not lived with a pet, understanding this pain can be difficult.Situations in which a person dies in conditions that are frowned upon. They can be situations in which a person dies from a drug overdose, from suicide (let’s not forget that suicide has come to be considered a sin) or people who die from contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV.

How to perform symbolic farewell rites?

There are different ways to perform these rites. As many as we can think of. The important thing, as its name indicates, is that they have symbolic value for us and for the deceased.

The key is to choose something that, in some way, helps connect with the deceased person. The important is that Let us ask ourselves what we want to honor, thank and remember and how we can do it. Let’s keep in mind that it is going to be a difficult and sad moment, so it is important to prepare for it and not force it.

There is no correct way to grieve, there are as many griefs as there are people and everyone experiences it in their own way. Also, let’s remember that grief hurts. Everything we feel both during the farewell and in the days surrounding it is normal., even feeling angry or angry with the deceased person. Let’s validate what we are feeling.

Write what you need to say

An idea to carry out a symbolic farewell rite is to write down what we need to say. In a moment of extreme sadness, such as that experienced when losing a loved one, you may not feel like thinking about how to do it or, you may not think of any good way to do it.

You can write the classic letter, a monologue, a poem or you can even compose a song. There is no pre-established format to do it, you can talk about everything you need, but we leave some ideas in case you find it difficult to get started. Of course, they are not mandatory, they are not a script. They are simply options that can help you get started.

Tell him/her how much you miss him/her.Write something about your first memory together.Be grateful for what you have learned from him/her and the happy times together.Tell him/her what you liked most about him/her, but also remember what you liked most about him/her. He made you angry and how much you miss him now. Tell him what reminds you of him today: a song, a book, a place, a time of day… Let him know what small gesture you are going to carry out to keep his memory alive. Apologize if you feel the need to do it for something and close any pending accounts you may have. Remind him how much you love him and that you will continue doing it.

Create a “space for memory”

You have many options to do it. You can make an album of photos of yourself, friends or family and write a good memory of that moment behind each photo. You can also do it in digital format and even make a video with old videos that you find. And you can turn to see it whenever you need it.

Another option is make a “treasure box” and put in it all those objects that were characteristic of you, such as your watch or your perfume. You can also include anything that reminds you of him or her, such as a gift he or she gave you at some point. Or put in the drawings or letters that you find that you gave him a long time ago.

You can use a small corner of the house to make an altar, if you like it more. You can put a photo of them, a message and a candle, for example. It can also be a photo wall, with typical phrases and drawings. Another less known, but no less good, option is to plant a tree in her honor and use it as a place to remember her and keep her in mind..

If you get together with family or friends, you can make a “moment of remembrance” that allows you to remember together good moments, anecdotes, lessons learned, hobbies of the deceased, singing their favorite song together or simply sitting down to watch videos and photos of your best moments.

The symbolic farewells

Funeral rites help us accept the reality of loss and they allow us to be wrapped up and comforted in a sad moment. Unfortunately, it may be one of the few times when we can openly express our pain without being judged for it.

Of course, They are also a way to honor the life of the deceased and say goodbye. Therefore, they are of great importance in the grieving process. However, as we have seen, there are situations in which we cannot say goodbye as we would like. Therefore, it is good for us to know that other actions, with symbolic value, can help us accept and say goodbye.

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