What to do when the relationship cools down? |

When we fall in love, we feel like entering a new world, full of news. We want to experience everything, enjoying every novelty, every moment next to that other human being.

For, mysterious and unpredictable, these new partners are being discovered, analyzed, cataloged in our mind and our life begins to adjust so that our individualities coexist harmoniously.

In this way, concessions are made, as well as agreements, discussions and plans. This is how that tide of emotion and passion passes away, leaving the softness of mutual love, trust and respect.

This is very good up to a point, because, curiously, a strange thing happens to most couples: they start to lose energy, become monotonous, predictable and dull. It seems that there comes a time when there is nothing left to talk about.

It seems that there comes a time when there is nothing left to talk about.

This situation happens when we start to get used to the other person so much that we fall into the usual mistake of believing that we understand them completely, that we know exactly how they are, what they think, what they feel.

Thus, armed with this sensation, we no longer observe it carefully, we do not perceive its nuances, its changes and what it is actually telling us. We simply stopped communicating with her.

This happens because, due to the force of coexistence and, as a consequence of our initial surrender, we end up losing much of our individuality, in order to adjust ourselves to the relationship.

We stopped doing certain things that were our custom when we were alone, we stopped seeing some dear people.

Our free time ends up being directed towards the couple’s activities, which are our priority at the moment. Anyway, we stop thinking in terms of “I” to think in terms of “us”.

And this “we” can become extremely harmful, as we lose the notion of how good it is to be alone, that in our silence and in our individual activities, we grow as people.

Without this, we die inside until we reach the moment when we have nothing more to add to the other. After all, he sees everything, knows everything. The mystery is gone. Even if you change, the tendency is for your partner to project onto you judgments that might have been true before, but that no longer make sense today.

In this way, the feeling of hurt and misunderstanding begins to undermine the relationship, which was so happy before, often leading them to separation.

There is no love without sharing

The Indian thinker Osho says that “the joy of love is only possible if you have known the joy of being alone, because only then will you have something to share”.

This is true, because if you are in a relationship hoping that the other will bring you happiness, that the other will make you feel special, in short, that the other will complete you, then it is very likely that you will never be happy and that your partner will never make you happy. happy. Well, obviously, if you expect that from him, it’s because he has nothing to offer.

Sadly he is also expecting something from you that never comes. They are, therefore, two sad people, with nothing, lost, waiting to be saved. But how can two empty people complete each other?

The joy of love is only possible if you have known the joy of being alone, because only then will you have something to share.

Lifeboat: What to do to avoid this outcome

Allow your partner to have individual activities, such as hobbies, walks, trips and going out with friends without you; Don’t keep monitoring the other as if you were a desperate mother or father looking for their child. Remember that your partner is an adult and, until proven otherwise, is faithful and loves you; Have you also activities outside the relationship, so you won’t be so focused on the other; Take care of yourself more to strengthen self-esteem and confidence in yourself, in addition, handsome companion becomes difficult to let go; Don’t tell everything about yourself, wait for the other to ask; Try to renew your daily life by wearing different clothes, doing unusual programs together, trying out alternative places and foods; Go back to school, resume or create a hobby for yourself.