The scapegoat theory in family relationships

The scapegoat theory appears with high frequency in the scenario of many families. This phenomenon, understood as the projection onto a specific person of responsibility and blame for any problem, misery or adversity, is something that narcissistic personalities carry out to a greater degree on their own children.

There is an unwritten and commonly assumed rule that the role of every father and mother is to attend to the comprehensive well-being of their children. Caring for them, loving them and projecting noble values ​​onto them so that they become good people are aspects that without a doubt should be normative. However, as we well know, In the privacy of a home, what is expected or desirable does not always happen.

There are people who have spent their childhood on mined territory. Children and adolescents who suddenly become the focus of their parents’ frustrations. Also in those indirectly responsible for their unhappiness and in the reason for each problem that happens at home.

Scapegoat theory in family relationships: what does it consist of?

The scapegoat theory has its origins in ancient tribal societies. A goat used to be chosen as a symbol of all the collective sins of the group. Their sacrifice was a way to appease the deity of that social group and thus be able to atone for any stain, vice, weakness or perversity committed and guarantee a symbolic “cleansing” of each individual.

In this way, and over time, the expression “scapegoat” was also added to this figure with the arrival of the Crusades, which undoubtedly means the same thing.

Be that as it may, there is something evident and that is that In times of confusion and complexity the figure of the scapegoat always appears. It was used by political leaders, such as Hitler himself, focusing on the Jews as the origin and reason for the situation of the Germans after the First World War.

However, we are not wrong if we say that This theory manifests itself with high frequency in the area of ​​family relationships.. In fact, in therapy it is very common to see how many parents take their children to consultation blaming the children that their problematic behaviors are the cause of all the problems at home.

When in reality, in many cases, the origin is found in the relational and educational dynamics of these parents regarding their children. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Narcissistic fathers and mothers and the search for culprits for their own frustrations

The scapegoat theory It is a figure that is institutionalized in homes with a controlling mother or a narcissistic father.. They are people who leave nothing to chance, who have their own conviction about how things should be. When something doesn’t happen the way they want, we have to find someone to blame.

That way, if the dog pees at home, if the washing machine breaks or the food burns, you always have to find a culprit. It does not matter that in many cases the fault lies with the person who accuses others. On the other hand, it is also common for a very common phenomenon to appear. Narcissistic fathers and mothers project their frustrations onto their own children.

With expressions like “Everything that happens is your fault because you always get on my nerves.” What is done, in reality, is to dump one’s own discomfort on the child. Furthermore, studies such as those carried out at the University of Syracuse (Italy) affirm that When a person suffers from intrapsychic conflict (frustration, anxiety and unhappiness) it is very common to transfer that negative burden on others..

Adult children who continue to bear the blame of their parents

When a person grows up in an environment where parents have narcissistic traits, It is common to spend a good part of childhood thinking “that there is something wrong with oneself.” Thus, if there is one aspect that we aspire to during those early ages, it is to have the affection of our parents, their acceptance, their admiration or the need to show them that they can do things very well.

However, little by little, the child becomes exhausted by this effort and at some point becomes aware that the problem is not in the person themselves, but in that family environment. The scapegoat theory continues into adulthood and it is at that stage that problems can intensify even more.

The father or mother may reproach the child for not doing enough for them., also that if they are sick or if things go badly for them it is their fault. In this way, if during childhood and adolescence these dynamics and behaviors were accepted to avoid emotional abandonment by the parent, in adulthood this can change.

In the end, exhaustion and even boredom arise. Because Being the object of all the blame annihilates the spirit and even the affection. They are people who are very hurt by being, in a way, the container and also the metaphor of that toxicity and chronic discomfort hidden in the psychological subsoil of said family.

What can we do?

In these situations it is vital to react. The first and most important thing is to repair the damage caused, heal self-esteem, identity and free oneself from guilt. that are not one’s own.

Later, a decision will be made about the type of relationship you want to continue having with the narcissistic family. Both limiting treatment and establishing distance are two acceptable options if one so decides.

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