The importance of knowing how to differentiate between pain and suffering

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“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. Have you ever heard this statement? Do you want to know how much is true? Next, we analyze it.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

You’ve probably heard that pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. But it is possible that this statement has awakened some confusion and rejection in you. And it is that It is not always easy for us to differentiate between pain and suffering.

These two concepts, although they often appear united, are diametrically opposed.. Furthermore, each person’s tendency to react towards one of them has a lot to do with their early experiences. That is, with the way we learned to manage frustration and changes.

However, we always have the ability to acquire new skills and resources. We can always change our way of perceiving and reacting to reality. But, for this, Learning to distinguish these two terms is a fundamental step.

Pain is natural, suffering is created

The first difference between pain and suffering is its origin. Pain is a natural reaction to an unexpected and unpleasant event.. If a loved one dies, if we lose an important relationship or if we become unemployed, it is normal for pain to appear. In general, any significant loss, any situation in which our expectations are broken, will generate this feeling. However, It will be an emotion that we can deal with without major difficulties.

On the other hand, suffering is a state that we we create by resisting pain. We are uncomfortable dealing with negative emotions and that is why we resist them. We try to eliminate them as quickly as possible and, when we fail, suffering arises.

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One is temporary, the other can last forever.

Since pain is a natural reaction, it lasts for a limited time. It arises in response to a specific circumstance and is mitigated little by little. Stating that time heals everything is true if we refer to pain, but not when we talk about suffering.

Suffering is based on resistance, and it is precisely this attitude that prevents us from leaving the darkness.. To eliminate a negative emotion it is essential to accept it, feel it and go through it. The more effort we put into denying or repressing our emotions, the stronger the discomfort becomes.

On the other hand, Suffering is fueled by a series of beliefs that only perpetuate our miserable state.. If we face a breakup, the pain says “the relationship has ended and that makes me sad but I will get through it.” On the other hand, suffering becomes entangled in endless dysfunctional thoughts: “there is something wrong with me”, “I was not enough”, “I will never be happy again”. Thus, living day to day with these beliefs, it is truly difficult to begin to feel better.

Pain and suffering: one strengthens us, the other destroys us

The phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is only partially true. In order to emerge stronger from adversity, it is necessary to carry out a reflection that gives it meaning.. It is essential to analyze what happened, understand what our role was in it and extract learning.

Pain strengthens us as it allows us to look back on our actions and redirect our course. It also shows us that we are capable of facing change and setbacks, thus increasing our self-efficacy.

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When we sink into suffering we feel like unjustly treated victims. through life and unable to control what happens. This only leads us to feel weak, helpless and beaten. Suffering destroys you: you stop being a driver and become a passenger, a mere spectator of what is happening around you.

You can choose

Fortunately, it is always in our hands to decide between pain and suffering. It doesn’t matter if all your life you have been immersed in enormous agony In the face of every setback that has arisen, today you can choose to change that reality.

Simply deliberately decide to accept pain when it comes and learn from it. Don’t run away, don’t resist its presence, allow yourself to go through it.

Remember that it’s okay to not feel good sometimes and that there are no shortcuts. In the same way, begin to delineate what types of thoughts you allow in your mind. Discard those that make you feel like a victim of circumstances and replace them with others that allow you to grow. Every adversity contains a lesson.