Does the end of a friendship hurt as much as losing a love?

The end of a friendship hurts, sometimes, infinitely. Thus, and although we are clear that a partner is not the same as a friend, in reality, losing this daily support, this alliance of confidences, laughter and shared experiences generates a pain very comparable to that of losing a love. Because if the bond was significant, it is almost like letting go of a part of ourselves.

People, whether we want it or not, are forced to go through various griefs throughout our lives.. And we are not just referring to a physical loss, because in reality those absences that occur most frequently are those related to couple breakups and, especially, to estrangements from those important beings such as one’s own friends.

On the other hand, something we all know is that The human being is programmed to socialize and empathize, hence we need to build other bases of attachment different from romantic bonds.. A friend is invaluable support. It is that relationship that enriches us and that in turn gives us notable psychological health by being able to create an alliance to vent concerns, relieve stress and generate situations of positivity and reciprocity.

However, relationships like bones also break. What’s more, sometimes nothing in particular needs to happen; distancing and coldness in relationships arise almost without us realizing it. In a special way, this happens when we reach maturity, at which time we begin to be more selective in our relationships and interactions.

What’s more, studies, such as the one carried out at the University of Oxford in England, tell us that it is from the age of 30 that we begin to prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendship. Nevertheless, Seeing how, from one day to the next, that figure that was so dear to us moves away from us, it hurts. And it does so as much (or more) than when the breakup occurs in the context of the couple.

The end of friendship, an often unforeseen breakup

There is an interesting piece of information provided to us by Tel Aviv University that is worth reflecting on. A study carried out by Dr. Laura Radaelli tells us that People will never have enough data to determine who will be a true friend and who will not.

That is to say, in many cases we have to do work to assume the uncertainty generated by the fact that friends are fallible. Even more, Sometimes our “perceived” friendship does not correspond to the “real” friendship that the other person feels.; an idea that can cause suffering.

Why does the end of a friendship hurt so much?

The pain at the end of a friendship is proportional to how important the lost relationship was.. It does not matter whether that person was by our side since childhood or whether it was a recent discovery, that human treasure that suddenly gave a new light to our lives and that now marks distances. Losing or letting go of these figures is painful for the following reasons:

We lose emotional support. We separated ourselves from someone who offered us a type of reinforcement that other close people did not give us or did not do in the same way. From one day to the next, a space of complicity is gone, as well as that refuge where we can relativize sorrows and share joys. On the other hand, there is another notable source of pain. We talk about the shattering of expectations. Somehow, we tend to take certain relationships for granted. Sometimes even we take the ties of friendship more for granted than those of a couplewe do not question them and we believe that they are and will always be that lighthouse on the horizon.

Last but not least, the end of a friendship can be traumatic for many people because there can also be a break in loyalty. An attack on trust is undoubtedly the wound that hurts the most. Seeing or discovering that we are betrayed, deceived, or that private information is shared with third parties, causes a very deep disappointment.

How to deal with the breakup of a friendship?

Accepting the end of a friendship, if it was very significant to us, means grieving. Thus, and although we often hear that friends come and go, in reality, there are relationships that leave a greater mark than others. The idea, therefore, is to keep everything experienced and learned, giving memory priority to the good moments shared.

If we focus our gaze on disappointment, the effort we will have to make to turn the page will be greater. Resentments are bad traveling companions; They set limits, sow distrust and raise walls against the opportunity to continue socializing.

Robert Louis Stevenson said that a friend is a gift that one gives oneself.. He had it in the writer Henry James, also a writer. They hardly saw each other more than two or three times during their lives, but they kept a postal friendship which served as great support to both of them in the most difficult moments.

It is not easy to find those people halfway between a treasure and a beacon of light.. However, there are, they are there, all around us, we just have to allow ourselves to trust again.

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