How to be an assertive person: 10 practical tips

There are few behaviors more admirable than showing yourself skillful, decisive and honest when expressing yourself. Being an assertive person allows you to conquer social terrain, gain the trust of others and reinforce your self-esteem.. Now, it should be noted that such competence is a very sophisticated social craft that requires practice and dedication.

We point out the latter as an undoubted fact. There are those who think that assertiveness consists only of knowing how to communicate skillfully what one wants. A decisive component is missing in this variable: respect. Asking for what you need, defending yourself or giving voice to your feelings always requires doing it with elegance and consideration. In the following text you find the keys to achieve this.

Strategies to be an assertive person

The people who tend to have the greatest problems developing this skill are those who repress what they feel and do not dare to give voice to their thoughts. Suffering from childhood neglect, for example, sometimes makes it difficult to use this psychological exercise. However, with appropriate strategies it is always possible to ignite the engine of change and effective communication.

Assertiveness defines your social ability to express feelings, opinions and needs in a clear, direct and respectful way.. When you are able to regulate your emotions well, overcome your defenses and open yourself to others with aplomb, you defend your rights better and are even more convincing in demanding what you want. Do you want to enhance this skill? Take note of how to achieve it.

1. Validate what you feel and think

There is a very interesting fact that they specify in the magazine Social and Personality Psychology Compass. During disagreements, disputes or negotiations, people usually react in many ways. There are those who avoid them and there are those who respond with an aggressive style. Well, the best way to handle difficult situations is through assertive behavior.

Nevertheless, To be able to say out loud what you feel, want and think, you must, first of all, give yourself value and appreciate yourself as a person.. It is necessary, therefore, that you validate all your emotions and opinions, because those internal realities deserve to be defended. Do not repress them or downplay your psychological universe.

Practical example

Assertiveness is an exercise that oxygenates and strengthens emotional relationships. For example, if your partner engages in behavior that you don’t like, such as making decisions without consulting you, don’t suppress your anger or annoyance for fear of hurting him or her. Your frustration is legitimate; It is essential that you communicate in a respectful way to express what you feel.

2. Regulate your emotions

If you want to be an assertive person, it is advisable to manage your emotions effectively, so that they do not hinder your communication.. Surely you have ever felt blocked by fear, anger or anxiety when talking to someone. That knot in your stomach prevents you from expressing yourself calmly and this is disabling.

Frontiers in Education points out in an article that good emotional regulation and assertiveness are two fundamental pillars throughout our adult development and, therefore, it is important to work on these skills.

Practical example

Imagine that you have to present a personal project in your company. You need to express your ideas and needs with adequate solvency to convince your clients. In this situations, It will be of great help to manage stress through relaxation and deep breathing techniques.. That way, your emotions will always be under control.

3. Learn to say “no”

Do you find it difficult to set limits? Do you always end up saying “yes” to proposals that you don’t really want to carry out? Take a deep breath because you are not alone. One of the most difficult steps in assertive behavior is learning to say “I don’t want this” or “I don’t feel like doing that.”. To execute it, you have to learn to claim your rights and know how to say “yes” without fear and “no” without guilt.

Practical example

Imagine that your family asks you and your partner to visit them every weekend. It is true that they do not mind spending the day with them from time to time, but not so continuously. In this context, it is necessary to be assertive for the good of all. Next, we explain how:

Plan and practice what you are going to say.Be kind, respectful and positive in your message.Understand that your needs are also important.Use empathy during your assertive communication.Express yourself calmly, decisively and with conviction in what you say. .Understand that you must express what you want without hurting, but in a clear way.Propose alternatives (I won’t come every weekend, but twice a month).Be aware of what they may respond to you, because then you will know how to act accordingly.

4. Get used to using the personal pronoun “I”

How good are you at solving problems? Do you apply assertiveness when handling misunderstandings or small relational differences? In research published in BMC Psychology, they found that by training adolescent girls in these skills their mental health improved. To achieve this you need to apply a small relevant technique.

Assertiveness requires that you lose the fear of using constructions such as “I want”, “I need”, “I think”. Far from seeming selfish, with these expressions you give voice to your person. Doing it with respect and effectiveness leads you to reach agreements and improve your well-being.

One of the scenarios where assertiveness will help you the most is in managing conflicts. Far from being blocked by anger, frustration or the desire to avoid that situation, you are encouraged to face it. You do this through good emotional regulation and relaxed, direct and clear communication that does not hesitate to empathize with whoever is in front of you.

5. Be clear and direct

Sometimes, less is more. Flourishes, detours and communicative ambiguities are not useful when it comes to demonstrating your assertiveness.. This excess of words prevents the message from arriving adequately and, therefore, it is necessary that you try to be clear and direct. Expressing what you feel and think does not require long speeches, it is always better to be concise.

6. Yes to active listening and empathy

A publication in International Letters of Social and Humanistic Sciences highlights that assertiveness acts as that core skill in work environments. This psychological value prevents the rights of others from being violated and prevents, for example, harassment situations at work.

You must keep in mind that this competition does not only seek to convince others of what you want or need. Being assertive is an exercise that successfully combines empathy and active listening..

Practical example

Visualize yourself at work trying to solve a problem with a colleague. It’s okay to tell him what you think about the situation, but you must leave room for understanding; It is necessary to listen to it with respect and interest. Connecting with your personal reality also helps resolve those differences sooner.

7. Emotional communication

Do you want to be someone assertive who knows how to reach others and who manages to have a positive impact? Then, improve your emotional intelligence much more. If you use skillful dialogue, your words will resonate significantly with your interlocutor. This is something that takes practice, but it is not impossible.

For this purpose, do not hesitate to describe what you feel, to use a clear and confident tone of voice, as well as direct. Conciseness in your sentences and empathy in your attitude contribute to better defending your rights and relating in an optimal way.

8. Master your non-verbal communication

To be someone who is assertive, it is pertinent to learn to also regulate your impulsive reactions and body anxiety. Because in these situations it is not just what you say that matters, beyond the verbal message, there is what you express with your body, that is, with your non-verbal communication. This plan is important.

Be relaxed, with your back straight, and avoid crossing your arms or legs so as not to show defensive attitudes.. Likewise, assertiveness does not require a constant smile, but it does require good eye contact, a warm and serene expression, of someone who trusts themselves and what they express.

Practical example

Let’s say you want to ask your boss for a salary increase. To this end, you show up at the office with a very clear idea of ​​what you will say. However, you are not only trying to express yourself safely and without fear. Furthermore, you sit before your superior calmly and with a relaxed position, always looking him in the eyes. Success is assured.

9. Train yourself in conflict resolution

As reported in research in Frontiers in Psychology, it is increasingly necessary to teach assertiveness techniques in conflict resolution in schools. These tools not only make it easier to adequately handle challenges with your peers in the institutes. They are, above all, skills for the journey of life.

Problems and misunderstandings are dynamics that will always appear in your relationships or in your work. Negotiating conflicts requires that you master assertiveness, This is how fair and satisfactory solutions are reached for all parties.

Practical example

Suppose a problem arises in your neighborhood community. While some lead to conflict and aggressive words, your attitude is what makes the difference. And it does so because you become the only person who handles the situation assertively, so that you can agree on a solution that benefits everyone equally.

10. Rehearse and dare

I’m sure you’ve already noticed. Assertiveness is a complicated skill that is developed with practice and daring to use it every day.. Do not hesitate to look for opportunities to express yourself with this same communication style in different situations and with different people (partner, family, friends, co-workers, etc.).

Assertiveness and communication, a well-being exercise

The best feature of assertiveness is that it can be trained and developed. It doesn’t matter that throughout your life it was a little difficult for you to leave out what is inside you: opinions, needs, emotions, values… It is always a good time to cultivate this psychological muscle of well-being a little more.

When you achieve this, you will discover that being assertive allows you to be more authentic and consistent with yourself. Suddenly, you can live according to your beliefs and principles. All of this strengthens your mental health and contributes to a greater sense of self-realization and personal satisfaction. Why not try it today?

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