Hybristophilia: feeling attracted to dangerous people

Perhaps at some point you have heard or seen on the news or in documentaries that Some serial killers and other criminals receive fan mail with sexual or romantic overtones. In some cases, these people even end up establishing relationships or marrying said criminals. This tendency to be attracted to dangerous people is known as hybristophilia, and we will describe it in more detail below.

From a logical perspective, choosing these types of individuals as potential partners or feeling the desire to relate to them on an intimate level is not easily understandable. After all, respect, trust, mutual care and other essential aspects of a loving bond do not seem to be available with these people. So what is the reason for this attraction? Let’s try to answer this question.

Serial killer Ted Bundy, sentenced to death for about 30 murders in the 1970s, received hundreds of love letters in prison.

What is hybristophilia?

Hybristophilia is a tendency to be attracted to people who are dangerous or who have been shown to be prone to harming others. The term was coined in the 1950s by New Zealand psychologist John Money, who indicated that this trend especially affected heterosexual women. However, its appearance in other types of relationships and sexual orientations is not ruled out.

Hybristophilia is not classified as a mental disorder in any of the current diagnostic manuals. However, can be considered a paraphilia in which sexual arousal and orgasm are achieved by having a partner who has committed crimes or crimes.

Without going that far, It is also possible to find milder manifestations of this tendency; For example, in people who experience romantic or sexual attraction towards those who lie, hit, cheat or have been unfaithful. In short, towards those who have proven to be potentially dangerous.

Why does hybristophilia occur?

It can be difficult to understand why someone wants to associate with someone who can harm them. However, There are several possible explanations that can come together and give rise to hybristophilia.:

First of all, At an evolutionary level there may be a preference for having strong partners due to their ability to protect to the woman and the children. Dangerous people show an image of power and the ability to dominate others, so genetics may play a role in this. On the other hand, Dangerous or criminal men usually possess what is called the dark triad of personality. It is characterized by traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy and has been found to be attractive to the female sex for various reasons.Childhood experiences and early attachment also have an influence in choosing sexual and romantic partners. It has been shown that women who suffer abuse during childhood are more likely to suffer abuse in the future at the hands of their partners. Finally, The society itself and the culture in which we are immersed can determine, in part, the attractiveness generated by dangerous men.. Thus, traditional gender roles indicate that the woman must be submissive and the man dominant, influencing the preferences, as a rule, of women.

According to forensic psychologist Katherine Ramsland, some women believe that with their love they can change these men.

Is there treatment?

It is necessary to emphasize that hybristophilia is not a mental disorder in itself, but a paraphilia; that is, a deviation from conventional sexual attraction. Thus, Treatment should be sought if this inclination has negative repercussions (for example: choosing dangerous people as a partner). Or in case sexual arousal is only achieved under these parameters.

In any case, there is no single, well-established treatment to treat hybristophilia. However, some techniques can be effective.

On the one hand, Cognitive techniques can help identify and modify thoughts related to the origin. For example, some people believe that they will be able to change and transform that criminal, or they feel affection, tenderness, or a need for protection for him. There are also those who feel safer with a strong and powerful person. Detecting these beliefs and working on them can be useful.

Likewise, some masturbation programming techniques can help weaken the association created between dangerous people and sexual pleasure. In any case, an individualized intervention will be necessary based on the specific circumstances of each specific person.

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