When someone judges your path, lend them your shoes

“When someone judges your path, lend them your shoes.” This very common phrase contains within itself more than one reality and more than one concept that is worth taking into account. We could say that all of us have been at some point subject of trials, focus of some more or less correct opinion that has hurt or bothered us.

How do we deal with these types of situations?

First of all, taking a breath and marking a necessary distance. The most important thing is to understand the need that people usually have to make judgments. It is something that has always been done and always will be done. The second phase will be simple, accept that what they have said does not apply to you, “depersonalize it”. Those words are not you, they do not define you… Then, lend them your shoes so they can see the real reality.

Why do we judge others?

No one likes to be judged, because what is actually done is to introduce us into a label with which to define and even sentence us. However, there is something that we must also make clear, “If you don’t want to be judged, avoid doing the same to others.”

Now, as psychologists explain to us, all of us have a small tendency to pigeonhole or to put many of the people around us into categories. Some are immature, others are lazy, others are fickle or irresponsible or a person as negative as they are insecure…

And although it is very possible that we are correct in many of these judgments given that we live or interact with them daily, we must be aware that it is something that It should not be done lightly.. We could say that before passing sentence, it is worth letting yourself go in your daily life to “put ourselves in their shoes”to see how they feel, how they react, how they suffer, or how they relate to the world and to us.

Let’s now see what usually lies behind a person accustomed to judging.

1. Low self-esteem

When a person has low self-esteem, It is common for him to use judgments to place himself in a position of control from which to defend himself and protect himself from others. He or she will label you as “insecure” or “failed,” because in reality, that is how he or she feels. However, by labeling you that way, that person exercises control over you, establishing themselves as the complete opposite.

That is, people with low self-esteem project their own feelings onto others. emptiness and insecurities. Far from seeing these dimensions in themselves, it is easier to project them onto others and judge them for them. It is cathartic and empowering.

2. Lack of empathy

It is obvious. Whoever judges without knowing and lightly just with the idea of ​​doing harm, lacks empathy. And even more, those who do not see certain dimensions in others do not know how to read in themselves their own needs, their own gaps, defects or virtues.

It is easier to judge others than to make a internal reading to know ourselves with humility and in turn, offer respect to others.

3. Emotional wounds

Who has been injured can react in two ways. The first way is to obtain a emotional knowledge of what happened to act with resilience and move forward, and in turn, be wiser when managing certain situations. In this case, we would undoubtedly have more empathetic people who, far from passing judgment lightly, know how to better serve and understand without “pigeonholing.”

On the other hand, we would have those other personalities who, after having experienced a more or less painful situation, do not has not processed or managed it well. Resentment and resentment remain, one so serious and harmful that it leads them to have to judge others by projecting their bitterness, their pain, their “shadows” onto others.

Instead of facing problematic situations in a more open, creative and respectful way, they do so from a defeatist point, being, without a doubt, very toxic and harmful behaviors.

Image courtesy: Catrin Welz Stein