How can I help my partner overcome grief? 5 keys

Helping someone overcome grief is not a simple goal, but it is worth trying, because even if we sometimes don’t believe it, we can do a lot. If your partner is going through one of these moments, you probably want to help them. In this article, you will learn how to do it, but first we want to explain to you very briefly what grief is and how it can manifest itself.

The duel It is the emotional and natural reaction to the loss of a person, animal or significant object. It is a behavior in the form of suffering and affliction resulting from the breaking of an emotional bond. This reaction includes psychological, physical and social components with an intensity and duration proportional to the meaning of the loss (Dávalos et al., 2008).

This reaction can manifest itself through physical sensations, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that allow the person to process or express the pain and distress they are experiencing.

In physical sensations you can find symptoms such as emptiness in the stomach, pressure in the chest and throat, hypersensitivity to noise, depersonalization, shortness of breath, muscle weakness, lack of energy, dry mouth (Worden, 2004).Emotions are the protagonists of all grief, as you may have noticed in your partner. Among them you can find depression, anger, anguish, loneliness, relief, nostalgia, jealousy and helplessness (Muñiz, 2010). You can also experience guilt or helplessness in the face of loss.Thoughts also play a central role during grief, as they can increase the intensity of emotions. Here you can find obsessive thoughts about the event, nightmares and active search for strategies to avoid thinking about what happened (Casado et al., 2001). Finally, at a behavioral level you can find the following manifestations: sighing, crying, sleep disturbances or eating, hyper or hypoactivity, social isolation and distracted behavior (Worden, 2004).

Keys to help your partner overcome grief

To help your partner overcome grief, you must first try to understand them and learn about their experience by putting yourself in their place. That is to say, empathize with your partner. Empathy will help you connect with what they are feeling and genuinely approach their pain.

1. Help him accept the loss

The feeling of unreality in the face of death or loss is very common. In many of these cases, the person chooses denial. Operate as if the loss had not actually occurred. This is just a mental strategy to assimilate it gradually, trying to cushion the emotional impact that total and instant recognition would entail.

It is not recommended that you also align yourself with that fiction, but neither do you confront the person who has suffered the loss with reality. Give him space.

In any case, if the denial persists over time, consult a professional. Do not try to confront reality on your own initiative, as not only can you cause enormous pain, but you can also make that person distance themselves from them and you can no longer help them.

2. Stay present

Being present in your partner’s pain will also help them overcome grief. That he or she feels that he or she is not going through that desert of pain alone will comfort him or her a little.

Try to be available at any time in case you need to talk. A hug, a “I’m here for you” can make a huge difference in those moments.

3. Help him live his emotions

To help your partner overcome grief, it is important that Don’t be tempted to invalidate their emotions. A piece of paper may not mean anything to you, but it does to someone else. A comment may seem very stupid to you, but it can hurt a lot to the other. It is important that we recognize your right to feel this way.

On the other hand, Expressing emotions doesn’t mean you should let her break objects or hurt herself or others.. One thing is feeling and another is behavior. Accepting their emotions and pain does not mean that you should accept or allow them to act in destructive ways.

4. Take care of your partner

In the midst of the pain of grief, it is normal for people to become a little careless. Therefore, it is essential that you are able to provide support to your partner, so that the process advances, while you allow it to fully recover its autonomy.

When our soul hurts, we tend to abandon certain self-care habits. We stop going to the hairdresser, we shave more frequently, we say no to many plans, the kind that at first we don’t feel like doing at all, but that end up giving rise to unforgettable moments. Those that take us out of our comfort zone and that somehow remind us that we are still alive. In this sense, we can play a very important facilitating role.

5. Allow him to live his grief

To overcome grief it is necessary to live it. You cannot overcome what you have not experienced. That’s why, allow your partner to feel their pain and go through the different stages of grief. Try not to push, try not to pressure, just try to accompany and be an emotional support.

Grief is a normal process, although sometimes it can become pathological. When this becomes complicated, it is pertinent for the person to go to a health professional to provide the necessary help.

Overcoming grief requires time and willingness to move on.. In this process, the support you can give your partner to continue with their life is important. Social support is always a good support during these moments. Fighting against afflictions and sadness is a difficult battle that is always more bearable in the company of loved ones.

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