Over-empathy syndrome or compassion burnout

The person with excess empathy is like a long-range antenna that absorbs and engulfs every emotion that vibrates in their environment.. Far from managing such an overload, it ends up diluting itself in the needs of others, poisoning itself with excess compassion to the point of feeling guilty for the pain that others experience. Few sufferings can be so exhausting.

It is possible that seeing this type of situation as a clinical problem may surprise more than one person. Are we perhaps going too far when it comes to labeling (apparently) “normal” behaviors as “pathological”? Obviously not and everything has an explanation. If he The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) itself labels it as a characteristic of personality disorders for an obvious reason.

Any behavior that hinders our way of relating, that gives us suffering and the inability to lead a normal life, needs a diagnosis and a type of therapeutic strategy that can resolve the situation. Therefore, people who suffer from excess empathy or “hyper-empathy” and who show a persistent pattern of discomfort and inability to function at a social, personal and work level, They would fall, in this case, into a personality disorder.

All of this undoubtedly leads us to conclude that “being very sensitive” is not the same as suffering from a “hyper-empathy” syndrome. For example, in the interesting book “Women Who Love Psychopaths”, by Sandra L. Brown, there is an aspect that cannot leave anyone indifferent. In the work of this psychiatrist it could be seen that There are women who can understand the psychopathic behavior of their partners and even justify it.
Their excess of empathy made them completely unable to see clearly the predator, murderer or abuser in front of them.. Furthermore, his ingenuity in justifying his spouse’s violent acts was incredibly sophisticated. A fact that clearly shows that “hyper-empathy” is a type of disorder that is not talked about much, but that we must consider.

Empathy and excess empathy, the border of balance and well-being

More than one person may think that if empathy is a positive, useful and desirable capacity… what would be wrong with having “a lot of empathy”? As always, in life excesses are not good and balance is ideal. The same thing happens with this dimension where we never forget to discriminate the “own self” from the “self” of others. That is, to the famous phrase of “Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of the person in front of you.” We should add that we will do it without ever ceasing to be ourselves.

Likewise, it is important to remember now what types of empathy we can experience, which are healthy and which can take us to that border where discomfort inevitably arises.

Affective empathy or “I feel what you feel”. In this case, affective empathy has to do with our ability to feel the emotions and feelings that another person is experiencing… and in turn have compassion for them.Cognitive empathy or “I understand what is happening to you”. Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, is more of a skill. It allows us to have more complete and accurate knowledge about the contents of the mind of the person in front of us. We know how you feel and we understand it.Excess empathy or “hyper-empathy” means being a mirror and at the same time a sponge. We not only feel what others feel, but we suffer it, and it is a physical pain that creates anguish and that, in turn, subjects us to the needs of others without being able to discriminate that border between oneself and others.

What is a person like who suffers from excess empathy or “hyper-empathy”?

Describing the person who suffers from hyper-empathy syndrome or excess empathy will help us with several things. Firstly, to discriminate between simple “emotional sensitivity” and pathological “hyper-sensitivity”. Likewise, we will also see how the DSM-V identifies this type of behavior.

Obvious deterioration of one’s own identity as well as social skills.It is common for other types of disorders to appear in which compulsion or psychoticism are present. It is common for the person to experience many mood changes, which can range from the deepest depression to histrionic or excessive happiness. They are very dependent patients. That is to saythey want to solve all the problems of others to reinforce the image of valuable and necessary people that they want to project, they need continuous interaction and validate themselves by doing favors or even promoting themselves. If someone tries to set limits, they feel hurt, rejected and very unhappy. Likewise, it is common for people with “hyper-empathy” to be very overprotective and undermine the autonomy of others. Excess empathy causes them to have serious difficulties in It’s time to be productive in your jobs. They feel discriminated against, no one understands their altruism, their need to support, to help… Last, but not least, We often see patients who go from excess of empathy to resentment. They have suffered so many disappointments that they end up isolating themselves, immersed in their feelings of rage and disappointment.

What can we do if we suffer from excess empathy?

At this point, many of us are probably wondering why. What makes a person experience so much suffering when infected with other people’s emotions? Well, in recent years we have been making great progress on the subject, and in fact, the genetic and neurochemical bases that can favor this situation are already becoming known.

The so-called “empathy spectrum disorders” are giving us a lot of information regarding realities such as Asperger Syndrome, “hyper-empathy” Syndrome or borderline personality disorder. It is undoubtedly an interesting topic that will give us great answers and better therapeutic approaches in the coming years.

On the other hand, To the question of what we should do if we suffer from excess empathy, the answer could not be simpler: ask for professional help. Whether we are at the most pathological extreme or if we simply suffer from “hyper-sensitivity”, it is always appropriate to learn a series of techniques with which to set limits, have greater self-control over our thoughts, nourish our own needs and define with greater vigor the own identity and self-esteem.

We cannot forget that excessive empathy not only generates discomfort, but also separates us from ourselves and the world itself. It is not worth anchoring ourselves in such a sphere of emptiness and persistent torment.. Let’s take the step…

To Caesar what is Caesar’s

A major problem that can lead to excess empathy is the lack of control over our own feelings and emotions. We not only help those who need it, but we make their problems our own.. We even free others from facing their own setbacks and we experience them ourselves. Every problem that comes our way is ours, and therefore, we must face it and learn from it. The same goes for the others. Your problems are yours. And here is a key point, this does not mean that we cannot help, but it will be the person who must face it.

If our best friend has an exam at school, we can provide him with the best notes, explaining the subject over and over again. We can help you prepare for the exam perfectly, but it is you who must take the exam, not us. This is an example of the limits on our responsibilities. When an adverse situation arises we must learn from it and let others learn too..

This is not encouraging you to stop helping. If we know that someone is going through extreme hardships such as eviction and we can provide them with financial means so that they do not become homeless, of course we can do that. The issue is about controlling the “hyper-empathy” that makes us suffer with the problems of others as if they were our own and that affect us in our daily lives.

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