The art of falling in love

Surely you have asked yourself on some occasion: perhaps there is such a thing as the so-called art of seduction, of falling in love? Well, first of all we must be clear that In love, not everything goes and we are not all the same. Each of us has needs and aspirations that will or will not fit those people to whom we feel attracted.

By this we mean that It is difficult to write a kind of user manual for good love or the art of falling in love. We arrive in this world without an instruction book, we know it, and it is there, in this long process of learning, experiences, mistakes and successes, where lies the best way to write our own dissertation on human relationships.

Now, when talking about seduction strategies we can determine some basic dimensions that can guide us. We must indicate that seduction is not limited only to the romantic and sentimental level. To seduce is to enhance the best of ourselves outwards. Therefore, we can also apply these simple strategies to our work and other areas of life.

How to seduce and fall in love

A seductive person is one who knows their strengths, one who uses her virtues to show the best of herself, to captivate and achieve closeness with those around her. Let’s see it.

1. Be your own brand

No, we are not talking about marketing… but almost. Being your own brand means assuming at all times that we are unique. Have your own self-concept that differentiates us from others. The essential thing is not to be determined by others, to have a unique and authentic personality, free of conventions and determinisms.

Think for yourself, act according to your projects and needs, choose what you want to influence you and what not. Unique personalities are always seductive.

2. Roles have changed

There may be people who still believe that it is usual for men to always be the ones to initiate the art of seduction, of conquest, while women assume a more passive role. In recent decades, habits and customs have changed a lot.without counting on communication channels: social networks, new technologies…

So where is the key? Simply in making the person we are interested in and in front of us feel good, as equals. Being genuine and avoiding any type of manipulation. Never show what you are notsomething essential given the channels that, for example, today’s social networks allow us, where many people pretend to be what they are not.

The roles have changed and seduction can occur through new channels. But to make a person fall in love you must be yourself at all times. Generate positive feelings whenever you cantransmits openness, sincerity, sense of humor…

Treat the other person as equal. No matter who starts the process of conquest, the art of seduction, the important thing is to always trust yourself, maintaining good self-esteem and a good self-concept. You are your own brand, you are unique and special, and we are all capable of captivating.

3. Psychology of attraction

The psychology of attraction tells us that When it comes to making a person fall in love, we can do it through three dimensions: get an emotional connection, show the other person that we are what they need, and develop a physical attraction.

It is true that at first the physical appearance is important. But we must be clear, Without an emotional connection, falling in love will not be real..

Show that person that you are what they need, investigate their needs, their fears, their aspirations… make yourself necessary for them, offer them support, practice active listening, develop empathy, establish good communication… all of this will forge strong bonds. Make yourself indispensable, and you will have found out what the art of seduction consists of.

The enemies of seduction

According to Antoni Bolinches, author of the book The new art of falling in love, there are 4 enemies of seduction: pessimism, emotional deficit, insecurity and urgency. Let’s see them in detail:

The pessimism

The pessimist sees everything dark, opaque, sad and has a special ability to detect the negative side of things. When he is ill he laments his misfortunes and when he is well he suffers for fear of losing his well-being.

Likewise, they tend to underestimate themselves and frequently fall into behaviors of isolation, servility or both at the same time; That is why in matters of love they usually have bad luck. Well, instead of passion, they awaken compassion.

Affective deficit

It is a reality that we all need affection. Humans, as social beings, find fulfillment in interacting with others. Nevertheless, In some people that demand is excessive.

People seduce by what they offer, not by what they demand, and Those who suffer from a disproportionate emotional need are in a position to give little because they need a lot.

That said, anyone who, in order to gain security and improve their self-esteem, expects from others what should be given to them, condemns themselves to a permanent search for supposedly ideal partners who will never live up to their expectations.

The insecurity

Bolinches classifies it as the worst and most powerful enemy of seduction. Because in it the sum of the deficit of the four security factors is specified: self-esteem, self-image, self-concept and sexual competence. That is why it is a powerful inhibitor of success in any human activity.

Pressure

The pressure is tiring, well whoever receives it feels limited in their decision-making capacity. Provoking a self-defense mechanism that induces rejection of the request, even when there is a prior good disposition.

A person must accept another from freedom and, everyone who overwhelms, eliminates that possibility through haste. Every process requires a natural time to develop and when we try to accelerate it we achieve the opposite effect to the desired one.

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