Teenagers without friends: why and how to help them?

Adolescents without friends are a population at risk for certain mental disorders, since feeling alone can be the root of many problems and little or no adaptive reactions.

It is very hard for a mother or father to hear that their child has no friends. Observe how in the afternoons you have few opportunities to enjoy company. Seeing him in social solitude on her birthday or at school or high school celebrations.

Why are there teenagers without friends? What can happen so that at this critical stage they do not find the company of their peers?

The value of friendship in adolescence

Friendships are considered developmental needs. In adolescence, Friends provide companionship and a critical context for learning social skills, such as cooperation and conflict resolution. They also determine a person’s social identity to a large extent.

Furthermore, close friends are hypothesized to fulfill additional social needs, such as validation, support, and intimacy in early adolescence. Which results in a feeling of security and tranquility, serving as a reference in many cases.

However, Not all young people are capable of creating friendships.. For this reason, they sometimes feel that “they are alone”, a fairly common feeling in adolescence, but which in these cases intensifies even more. And that results in social isolation, problems trusting or difficulties getting intimate.

Teenagers who don’t have friends tend to withdraw into themselves.

What is the cause?

Frequently, This situation is the result of a chain of aspects that sometimes begins in childhood. These include low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, experiencing a traumatic situation that has to do with other people, such as a situation of harassment or bullyingor the lack of social skills among others.

To this, we must add that they are found in a phase of physical, cognitive, physiological and developmental changes typical of adolescence and the possible new situations and challenges that may have to be faced.

Furthermore, regardless of the factors that come into play in each case, there are similar patterns that can be observed in many adolescents without friends:

Problems usually appear in high schooleven after successfully navigating friendships in elementary school.Breakdown tends to start with a friendship conflict. Sometimes it is a situation of jealousy. In others, there is peer pressure or fear. Sometimes, a race for popularity is seen in which the adolescent loses naturalness and support.Many teenagers feel rejected by former friends and they can’t seem to get the relationship back on track.Teens have a hard time making new friends because They are not sure who is trustworthy after a betrayal.They feel that social networks are a blessing and a curse at the same time for relating. They feel isolated, vulnerable, not understood and alone in this stage in which everything changes.

As adults, we often quickly tell them, “go make a friend.” However, any perceived challenge can make a teen more likely to not communicate. For example, it is a common perception among teenagers to see themselves as unpleasant.

How to help them

It is a good sign for a teenager to share with his parents the sadness that can come from feeling like he has no friends. If there is communication, we can know first-hand how he feels and it is easier for us to help you. Now, for that there has to be good communication. A track record in which we have honestly responded to your trust.

In case that the teenager has not commented anything, the first thing is to try to establish a conversation with him. This step can be a challenge, especially if they demand privacy or we don’t know how they will react. Therefore, the approach must be based on flexibility and understanding, that is, with openness to what they can tell.

On the other hand, if you show interest in expanding your circle of friends, it is good news; since it is very likely that you can find your place. In fact, many of these difficulties are usually due to a difference in maturity with their normative group.

It is important to talk to the teenager to find out how he or she experiences not having friends.

In this sense, while that moment arrives, as parents or guardians we may have to make an extra effort to protect their self-esteem. Just because he feels that others do not want to establish a friendship with him does not mean that he does not have qualities..

Thus, some of the ways in which we can help teenagers find friends are the following:

Help him identify which traits and characteristics he values ​​in friends. Talk to him about the different levels at which friendship is combined. For example, explain that he may have a friend or group of friends in class, another in the area where he lives, another related to an activity or hobby.Invite him to be receptive when meeting other people. After all, a friend can do it in class, through an acquaintance, a family member, or in some activity they practice.Teach and advise you on social skills. How you can start a conversation, ask questions, listen or be nice.Talk about trust and how it works with reciprocity. For someone to trust us, or continue to do so, it is often necessary for us to do so too.Strengthen your self-esteem. In this case, it can be of great help to help you identify what your strengths are, to do this you can investigate yourself and try new things.

The teenage years are already difficult enough in company, without facing them without friends. Understanding the impact of social networks, the lack of complicit connections and the absence of safe spaces with peers can help us guide adolescents.

However, if this situation becomes complicated, it is always advisable to ask for help from a professional who can assist and plan a personalized intervention.

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