Respect is demanded, trust is earned

I’ve always thought that trust is maybe the most fragile delivery that people make. As the title says, it is something that we win with teaspoons and when we lose it we do it in barrels. It is also curious, because as people gain in years this becomes even more polarized.

Experience usually dictates prudence when giving our trust: we have seen it betrayed on so many occasions that we tend to keep an increasingly larger part to ourselves. Thus, life usually makes us more cordial, but also more distrustful.

Respect is demanded, trust is earned

Just because we trust someone doesn’t mean we think they are less than us. and it is not a lack of I respect. Think that trust has to do with dedication, with the support of a part of us that we can lose if it fails. Respect has to do with recognizing and enabling the other person to relate to us.

Therefore, We are talking about two different values, although it is true that in some cases the line that separates them is very fine.. There are people who take the fact of not receiving the trust of others as an insult, as a sign of missing them. Especially when they are people who give their trust very quickly and expect reciprocity.

The importance of trust

Think that our ancestors lived in tribes and hunted in groups. They lived a life in society in which The relationships were much closer than the ones we usually have now. and above all much more interdependent. Thus, trust was a fundamental value. If it was about cornering prey to hunt it, no one could open the fence because otherwise everyone would run out of food that day.

More than once I have met someone who has been upset because I have not shared part of my thoughts with them. or some fact that he knew. I have also felt on the other side, I have asked questions and have not gotten an answer; I have never asked it, but I think it was also for this reason. The fact is that I haven’t felt well either.

Think that you may be a person in whom you have great confidence. You have been with you all your life and you know yourself. What’s more, you have great power over what you do or say. However, The other person has not been with you all your life nor does he have the control over you that you have.. This difference, so big, but at the same time so subtle, often falls into the bag of oblivion.

Trust takes time

For some more and for others less, but it takes time. Furthermore, it is a very intuitive process.. Consider that we don’t usually do much reasoning to decide to what extent we are going to trust someone; We simply open ourselves to the point where we feel comfortable.

Studies have identified influencing variables. The more similar the person is to us, the faster we give them our trust. We also tend to deliver it quickly to people who go with children, elderly people or animals. We understand that if someone has trusted them to take care of something so valuable, it means they must be trustworthy.

We also give trust more quickly to those who share our hobbies, since we can have long conversations with them without getting into personal topics.

On the other hand, The most beautiful reflection we can make regarding trust is the precious feeling of being worthy of it. for the people who love us. Not only that they know that we are not going to betray them, but that they intuit that we are going to be the first to be there when they need us.

The porcelain trust

Trust, sometimes, is so delicate that when it is broken it is immensely difficult to break. However, Is there a way not to feel betrayed? From the Buddhist Psychology they encourage us to trusting others but knowing that they can fail us at some point. Being human we can make mistakes. This way, when someone fails us or betrays us, we will already be prepared, so it won’t cause us as much pain.

We can also fail a friend, a family member, a partner… And we know what it costs to regain that lost trust. So, Because we fail, do we believe that we are less valid? No. We know we have undermined a trust. We recognize the mistake and learn from it. If we understand ourselves better, we understand others better.

Trust is not stable. Sometimes it can be affected, which does not mean that it is lost forever. Our mind tends to be dichotomousThat is, if they never fail us we think they are worthy of our trust. But if they fail us, we think it is no longer so. We move between “yes” and absolute “no”. It is difficult for our mind to trust again. In this way, if we know that we can all fail, when we feel that someone has betrayed our trust, we can say: “Well, I could spend a day.”. And this way it won’t affect us as much and we will know how to forgive.

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