Power relationships in the couple

Power is an area of ​​contention for many couples. They both want a position of dominance over the other., whether in one or several fields. A desire that is often not conscious and that gives rise to a dispute that is not conscious either. On the other hand, the power relationship in the couple influences many aspects, such as the distribution of responsibilities, intimacy or sexual relations.

The tension that the power relationship can generate in the couple is not necessarily negative.. The problem appears when the strategies to conquer this power are harmful or when the person who has achieved this power does not use it for the benefit of the other or the relationship itself.

The dispute for power in the couple

Couples are dynamic entities and are therefore in a constant process of mutual exchange. In every love context in particular, and social context in general, we find elements such as persuasion or domination, which can be indicators of the struggle for this power.

The distribution of power in the couple can be complex. It is sensitive to changes, expectations, along with the desires and needs of each person. On the other hand, after a while, it usually reaches a stability that places each member of the couple in a place where they feel comfortable. One ends up taking the lead at some moments and another at others.

For example, in a couple, the man may be the one who chooses where they are going on vacation, while the woman will be the one who chooses the type of accommodation or the views they will see. In more established couples, we constantly see this exchange. It combines preferences, but also knowledge. For example, the woman may have friends who have already visited the area and have references to places of interest.

All this would make distinguishing who is the dominant one of the two in the couple can become very complicated. Furthermore, it is important to understand that the fact that there is someone who dominates and someone who allows themselves to be dominated does not have to be bad; The problem would arise when this power dynamic becomes dysfunctional or when the means of obtaining or maintaining this power harms the other..

Problems related to power in the couple

In general, The power relationship in the couple tends, within the change, to maintain a certain balance. Thus, its members tend to regulate themselves spontaneously, and people who feel more comfortable leading in a certain field will do so naturally. Thus, the conflict will only appear when that domain preference matches.

So, sometimes This balance is not achieved spontaneously. Below we will see some cases in which the power relationship in the couple It can be a great source of conflict.

Case 1. Couple formed by two dominant people

On some occasions, both members of a couple are used to adopting a commanding role. When this happens, the most normal thing is that a large number of arguments occur: as both people need to be right and the other is willing to listen and pay attention, It would be very difficult for both of them to give up part of their power at the same time..

If you think you are experiencing a dynamic similar to this, one way to approach the situation is actively work to understand the other. To do this, developing skills, such as empathy, can be very useful.

Case 2. Couple made up of two people who tend to follow orders

When both members of the couple do not want to have power in the relationship, One can feel discomfort and maladjustment, since no one is capable of taking the initiative. In this way, there will be many situations in which insecurity reigns, an aspect that can become debilitating if it remains constant over time.

In many cases, The solution comes when both share their opinions and try to reach an agreement, how to take the initiative alternately.

As a reflection on power relations in the couple

The power relationship in the couple is normally configured unconsciously and naturally – each person acquires more weight in those decisions that have greater interest or knowledge.

The tension it generates is usually more important in the post-falling-in-love period.: that place where each person begins to balance the investment they make in the couple, giving up less and showing interest in maintaining more preferences than they had tried to defend up to that moment.

In case it is an inexhaustible source of conflict, It will be necessary for the couple to sit down and consciously and thoughtfully agree on the weight that each one will have in certain decisions., in addition to what arguments or strategies are or are not valid to achieve a purpose. For example, a partner may say that emotional blackmail is not valid to get the other to clean the house or “want” to have sexual relations.

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