Relationship crisis or final breakup?

A relationship crisis usually represents a hard moment. However, not all of them lead to a breakup. Furthermore, if it is a couple that has gone through several crises, it may be difficult to know if it is due to a new moment of uncertainty/confrontation; or the relationship has already broken permanently and only the ashes remain.

In addition, There are different types of relationship crises and also different types of breakups. The main difference between the two is that the breakup constitutes a full stop. But, before continuing, let’s finish rounding off the definition.

When we talk about a relationship crisis we are referring to a situation of high tension, in which there is usually a temporary distancing. On the other hand, a breakup would imply a definitive separation, where the parties involved break the ties that unite them.

Thus, there are differences between the two situations. The complicated thing is that, sometimes, these disparities begin to become clearer as time passes, when changes are directed in one direction or another.

On the other hand, Not knowing whether or not a crisis will end in a breakup usually generates a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.. That is why in this article we will teach you how to differentiate a relationship crisis from a definitive breakup.

Different types of relationship crisis

Problems are usually the most common precipitants of relationship crises. Although they can also occur after an infidelity, the birth of a child or a significant loss. Therefore, the various reasons give rise to different couple crises.

Within The most complicated couple crises to overcome are those that have started/materialized with infidelity.; since with it trust in the other and complicity between both is lost. Furthermore, the victim feels betrayed and deceived, which in turn weakens their self-esteem.

On the other hand, Couple crises that are due to the evolution of the relationship are the ones that are best handled and the least difficult to overcome. For example, we refer to crises that are simply due to the passage of time and natural changes in the relationship, such as the beginning of cohabitation or the birth of a child. In these cases, the bond, the union, has not been attacked.

Couple crisis facing final breakup

The background and history of the couple say a lot about whether we are in a crisis or breakup situation. If it is a couple that has gone through many crises, there may be such significant wear and tear on the relationship that it leads to a definitive breakup.

Contrary to what is usually believed and thought, that “this is just another crisis”, the fact of that there is a history of separations or breakups temporary causes exhaustion and the feeling in the couple of living in a kind of eternal suffering.

In other words, repeated crises generate learned helplessnesswhere one or both of them begin to think that “nothing can be fixed anymore”and it is thought that a definitive breakup is the best option.

For its part, the reason for the separation is also a key aspect. For example, crises that are a consequence of infidelity usually end in breakups; Because deception is devastating for the couple’s trust and their future plan together.

That is to say, Infidelity gives rise to a couple crisis, which if not managed correctly and in an adequate time, can end in a permanent breakup. Since it is likely that the ability to forgive and build again has been exhausted.

Instead, If the reason for the crisis is problems in living together, or household chores, it is more likely that it will not lead to separation. However, if we are faced with repeated couple crises due to coexistence problems, it is possible that there will be great emotional wear on those involved and a definitive breakup may be considered.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships

However, When there are important signs of incompatibility in the couple, we can think that we are facing a definitive breakup. In this case, we are referring to the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” that Dr. John Gottman described after years of research on relationships.

According to Gottman, the four most important signs that point to a definitive breakup are:

Destructive criticism. Which refer to a direct attack on the person’s personality and self-esteem. Therefore, the victim feels rejected, violated and hurt. An example of this would be: “dirty dishes again, you are inconsiderate and messy, you never help me with anything and you leave everything halfway, when will you do things right?”.The defensive attitude: It occurs primarily as a response to destructive criticism. Faced with a feeling of accusation or unfair claim, the person with a defensive attitude will act in the form of a victim, will constantly excuse themselves and try to blame the other.Contempt for the other: It involves maintaining a sarcastic and disrespectful attitude towards one’s partner, assuming a position of moral superiority over the other. Some of the most characteristic behaviors are: calling people names, rolling their eyes, ignoring others, imitating and repeating what they say in a mocking tone, etc.The evasive attitude: It usually occurs in response to contempt. It consists of distancing oneself from others and isolating oneself in discussions instead of facing them. Some of the avoidant behaviors are mentally disengaging from the discussion; Acting as if you are busy to avoid interaction, engaging in distracting activities, etc.

Thus, If these attitudes or communication patterns occur in couple crises, it tells us that we are going through a delicate moment.so a breakup is very likely.

To conclude, we highlight the difficulty in determining precisely whether the relationship is going through a temporary crisis or a permanent breakup. Well, within these situations a series of variables come together that make each couple a whole world.

However, we can take into account some signs that direct the relationship towards breaking up: the frequency of crises (if there are too many the situation worsens), if the reasons for the crisis do not respond to a natural change in the couple (as they are the arrival of children, cohabitation, old age, etc.) and the incompatibility of the couple.

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