Liana relationships, what do they consist of?

We call liana relationships couples that we chain together without leaving room for grief after breakups. We jump from one person to another almost desperately, making love a recycling circuit, giving shape to throwaway relationships that, whether we want it or not, leave a dent in our interior. Preventing ourselves from processing each experience means entrenching continued failures.

This behavior is something that is frequently seen. Bonding quickly with new emotional partners is a habit typical of people who sooner or later are aware of the emotional trap that they have created for themselves. Feelings of loss, emptiness and the conviction that they are no good for love are ideas that, in certain cases, can end up creating the substrate for depression.

While is true that There is no stipulated time that one must let pass to start a new emotional relationship., there is a fact that we must consider. A nail will never pull out another nail. Nor does anyone deserve to be that “balm that heals sorrows” or that lifesaver that should help us from the oceans of disappointments in which we drown as a result of past relationships.

What are liana relationships and why do we fall into them?

Liana relationships are often formed with the idea of ​​erasing the memory of a single person.. We chain one bond after another out of the need to dissolve the pain that someone left us in the past and that, obviously, we have not yet overcome. This type of “fauna” in the scenario of emotional relationships is, as we have already pointed out, something common and figures that are frequently seen in psychological therapy.

They are people who seek help for a very specific fact: unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Because beyond what we may believe, chaining multiple relationships is not always satisfactory. In many cases, behavior similar to that of an addict is seen.. They are men and women who only seek the rush of endorphins and the initial dopamine that attraction and falling in love offer.

However, when all that foam of neurochemicals goes down, the emptiness, the feeling of loneliness and the desperate need to look for something new that gives them a new “shot” of festivity, emotion and passion emerges again. And so As we can well imagine, liana relationships rarely shape a happy life.

Causes that motivate chaining one relationship after another

None of us have been educated or guided in the complex art of love and emotional relationships. In fact, already in adolescence it is seen how, when faced with the failure of the first relationships, the young person sets their sights on new people either to forget or to generate jealousy of the person who left them.

Let’s now find out what else motivates or explains this behavior.

Anxious attachment. Studies, such as those carried out at the University of Toronto in Canada, show us something interesting. There are people defined by an anxious attachment who desperately need someone by their side, but at the same time they experience fear of being abandoned. That fear and persistent anguish is what causes breakups. Afterwards, they search almost desperately for a new relationship with which to alleviate that emptiness.The fear of loneliness. Indeed, there are people incapable of seeing themselves alone. Works such as those published in the The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, For example, They tell us that the fear of being alone pushes many people to settle for the first person who comes to them, even if they don’t give them anything, even if they mean little.Romantic love. Much of Liana relationships are based on the classic idealism of romantic love. According to this model, nothing is as cathartic as having another partner to forget the previous one. Because passion makes you forget everything, because new loves are like balms for yesterday’s sorrows. Now, let’s be clear, these ideas are just “romantic-myths” without meaning or significance that lead us to entrenched suffering.

Skipping grief in an emotional breakup has a cost

When we talk about liana relationships we usually visualize only one person jumping from one emotional bond to another. However, one figure escapes us. We must also keep in mind that man or woman who begins a relationship without knowing that the other is only looking for a way to alleviate the pain from a previous breakup.

Being someone’s band-aid is neither fair nor permissible., nor is it, wanting to place the new partner in the emotional space of the one who is no longer there. The costs of liana relationships are high, both for those who practice it and for those who are unlucky enough to come across someone who seeks love as a patch for suffering.

What should be done in these circumstances? We analyze it.

The end of a relationship requires a healthy closure

Many of those who begin liana relationships do so dragging emotions such as anger or resentment with them. because of what he experienced with his previous partner. All of this encapsulates and entrenches very complex emotional realities. It is not good to open the horizon to other links when those presences pulse and grow within us.

When we end a relationship, let’s give ourselves time to work on those psychological realities that hurt and bother us. Let’s vent those feelings, let’s talk to our friends or family about our thoughts and feelings.Do not follow your ex-partners on social networks. Cut contact with them and unlink them on all accounts (Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp).Start new activities, put new purposes on your horizon that keep your mind busy.After a breakup it is normal to have catastrophic thoughts (this suffering will never end, I can’t be alone, this pain is going to kill me, etc.). However, having these ideas does not mean they are true. You can deal with that pain and week by week you will be able to take control of your life again.

Last but not least. When we feel the need to start a new relationship, let’s think about what drives us. Is it the fear of emptiness, of loneliness, do we do it to forget someone? Let’s be aware, cautious and mature. A nail will never pull out another nail, it will make the pain deeper. Let’s keep it in mind.

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