The important difference between feeling sorry and feeling compassion

The world we live in inevitably means that all people suffer at some point in their existence. Whether it is due to a physical illness, emotional pain, a loss or a lack, we all face adverse situations that harm us. If we are sensitive beings, contemplating the suffering of others will awaken some kind of emotion in usbut this is where the difference between feeling sorry and feeling compassion becomes so important.

We can think that these are similar emotions, since they both arise from empathy, from the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another and understand their pain. However, The eyes with which we look at those who suffer are not the same from sorrow and compassion.; Just as the actions we undertake as a result of that feeling are not the same.

Do you want to discover these differences in more depth? We show them to you below.

The origin of grief and compassion

To understand the difference between feeling sorry and feeling compassion, we can start from the definition of both emotions:

Grief is a feeling of sadness produced by someone’s suffering. It is a synonym for pity, a word from Latin that means something similar to ‘observing someone who suffers’. Compassion, for its part, is also a feeling of sadness, but it leads us to identify with the evils of the other. and to try to remedy them, avoid them or alleviate their suffering.

From these two definitions we can draw important conclusions. On the one hand, Grief places us in a position of mere observers, distanced from the suffering of others. and liabilities to it. It is a short-lived emotion and from which we perceive ourselves as superior to the affected person at some point.

Thus, we feel sorry for those who have a bad economic, family, physical or emotional situation; but knowing that those are not our conditions and that we are not urged to intervene.

On the contrary, Compassion connects us, allows us to identify with the other and remember the humanity shared between us. We do not watch from afar, but rather engage, knowing that no one is superior and that we could all experience a similar situation. It is also a lasting feeling that leads us to act.

Grief stagnates us, compassion mobilizes us

The main difference between feeling sorry and feeling compassion is that in the first case we consider that the other’s situation is immutable, while in the second we have the conviction that we can contribute to modifying it. This is of much greater importance than we think, since By feeling sorry we are placing the other in a position of helpless victim and condemning them to continue suffering.; while, by feeling compassion, we help empower him so that he can change his circumstances.

This has repercussions in terms of prosocial behaviors and solidarity actions. And it is that those who feel compassion are more likely to get involved in social movements, help the disadvantaged and contribute to community causes. But it also has an important effect on the way we relate to others.

When a father or mother feels sorry for their child (for whatever reason), they reinforce in them the idea that they are incapable, that they are disadvantaged and helpless. On the contrary, By feeling compassion, they understand his difficulties, but encourage him to improve.

Similarly, if some schoolmates feel sorry for a classmate, they will simply look at him sadly. However, if they feel compassion they will actively get involved to integrate and help that student and to improve their daily conditions.

The difference between feeling sorry and feeling sorry for yourself

Despite all of the above, the most harmful effect of feeling sorry occurs when that emotion is directed towards oneself. It is negative that others look at us with pity, but If we see ourselves as victims, the suffering will be much greater.

The person who feels sorry for himself perceives himself as a failure, as an unfortunate and condemned being. So, you are less likely to seek means to change your situation.

On the contrary, those who feel compassion understand and forgive their own mistakes, treat themselves with indulgence and take responsibility for their own life. So, Compassion helps us reduce self-criticism, devaluation and rumination and regulate our emotions effectively.

For this reason, before feeling sorry for yourself or someone around you, remember everything this implies; Because by doing so, you will be (or you will be) taking away its strength. It is compassion that unites us, that moves us to help and to do so with the humility of knowing that no one is free from error or suffering.

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