My daughter kissed a girl. What to do?

If one day your daughter tells you that kissed another girl, do not despair and try to understand her. According to psychologist Ricardo Portolando, from São Paulo, the fact that his daughter has kissed another girl does not necessarily mean that she is lesbian🇧🇷 Affective experiences with people of the same sex are relatively common in adolescence, motivated both by curiosity and by skin-deep sexuality, typical of this phase. Sometimes they even serve to call the attention of parents or the group. But they can also indicate an already established preference for the opposite sex.

“THE sexual orientation it takes time to define and there are countless factors that determine it. For some, it only consolidates between 18 and 20 years old, although there are also those who, at 15, have already discovered whether they are heterosexual or not. No one knows for sure what influences this orientation,” he explains. The most accepted theory says that it is a combination of genetic predisposition with psychological and social factors – remembering that the intensity with which we are affected by facts, feelings and impressions varies from one individual to another.

Before deciding whether to bring up the subject with your girl, it is essential dispel prejudices and discarding outdated ideas, such as thinking that he can “help” his daughter not to be homosexual. Scientifically, there is no procedure that changes anyone’s sexual orientation. And it’s good to remember: homosexuality cannot be treated as a mental illness or psychological deviation. Nor is it a matter of choice or the result of heightened sensitivity (in the case of boys) or frustration with the opposite sex (in the case of girls). Organize your own thoughts and emotions, considering your daughter may be just as confused as you are. For the conversation to make sense, be ready to listen and welcome your questions and concerns.

The best approach depends on how the subject reached your ears. If she was the one who said it, great. Although he used a challenging tone, having opened up shows willingness to talk and reveals that, deep down, he wants to share this moment and know his opinion. If the news came through colleagues, teachers or other parents, be prepared. Your daughter may feel watched and accuse you of invading her privacy. Calmly explain how you found out and say you are available if you want to talk about what happened. If she resists, respect her. When you’re ready to talk, your teen will come to you of her own free will. The important thing is that you show willingness to listen and respect for your privacy. After all, the young person is not obliged to share his intimacy with his parents.