Lessons from those who learned to overcome marriage crises

Long lasting relationship without wear does not exist. Life as a couple requires imagination and daily renewal. Here, three couples share how they rebuilt their relationship after a crisis. See in the testimonials how to maintain romance, passion and enthusiasm with your husband.

separate houses

Patricia Norbin Pereira, 46 years old, educator and businesswoman, married for 16 years to Gilberto Pereira Filho, 54 years old, civil engineer. The couple is from São Paulo

After so long of marriage, I still shudder when he asks me: “Are you going to sleep here today?” I know that that night we’re going to have a little wine and take care of seduction. We still have our sacred day, Wednesday, when we go out to explore the city and new places. I’ve been looking forward to it since the beginning. It wasn’t always like this. THE decision to live in separate houses brought us more lightness, but it was the way I found to get around a crisis. I have two children from my first marriage, and Gilberto’s relationship with my oldest was bad. Despite knowing that my husband was always well-meaning, I didn’t agree with the harsh way he educated. This provoked many discussions.

We lived in the same house for ten years, and our relationship was strained because of these conflicts. After a more serious fight, for the usual reason, we almost broke up. I saw myself with no way out, as if I had to choose between my son and my husband. That’s when we thought about separate houses. We both suffered, full of doubts about whether it would work. He felt like he was losing a little bit of me. So I tried to show how cool it would be to have a life of lovers again. I used the sweetness tactic, as Gilberto hates being intimidated. I went with my children to a flat until the idea matured. Soon after, we bought another apartment. Six years ago, we lived nearby. I have lunch with my kids and dinner with my husband. To sleep, we take turns. It has its tiring side, as there are two employees, two supermarkets… But, for us, the novelty spiced up the sex. By the way, I don’t relax in that regard. I do gymnastics and invest in provocative lingerie. Our relationship gained in quality. Gilberto continues to help me take care of the boys. The difference is that now he is not on the front line as before. The fights are over. We got the best. Our marriage is a daily exercise in love.

winning the heartache

Leda Helena Moreira Alves, 42 years old, businesswoman, married for 19 years to Fernando Ribeiro da Luz Cruz, 45 years old, businessman. Live in Rio de Janeiro

Forgiving a husband’s betrayal is not easy, but the worst was live with the heartache🇧🇷 I had already been with Fernando for many years when, in 2000, he told me about his mistress, a few days after finding out about my second pregnancy. I tried to be rational and wait for the excitement to wear off. After two months, I realized that Fernando was still lost and I said enough is enough. I left Uberlândia, in the interior of Minas Gerais, where we lived, and returned to Rio, the city of my family. He cried at parting. Our separation was short lived. Two days later he traveled to see us. He had finished the case and asked me to come back. I agreed, as I really wanted my daughters to be able to live with him. However, I still hadn’t forgiven him at that time. When the youngest turned 1 year old, I thought about separating. Only, by then, Fernando was a big daddy and a loving husband. He had changed, I was the one who still threw the betrayal in his face.

In 2006, I had breast cancer. After a radical mastectomy, I gained weight and lost all my hair and body hair because of the chemotherapy. Fernando was wonderful. We seemed to be lovers, always together, in the greatest affection. I realized there the size of our love. Last year, I discovered a lung metastasis. More than ever, I felt like I had to leave the blues behind and move on. I needed to look bad to give importance to my relationship and myself. Today, I’m cured and fine, according to the doctors. I lost weight and started taking care of myself. I did individual and couples therapy for two years. I learned to listen to my husband and express what I dislike.

I know I can live well without Fernando, but I live much better with him. I would rather have done my learnings without having to experience the pain of betrayal, but today I only think about the present. We both took care of the wedding. We like to take vacations alone, and I’ve gotten better at the sex part, too. I get more involved, I walk more naughty. Even when I don’t feel like it, I go because I know I’ll like it later, the frequency has increased. On a daily basis, I take care of the little things. I get ready, I make a nice table for dinner at home. No special reason is needed, what matters is bringing joy to the relationship.

ties redone

Divanir Marquezi, speech therapist, 51 years old, married for 27 years to Claudio Odri, businessman and journalist, 52 years old. Live in São Paulo

We got married in 1983, completely in love. In 1988, our children were born, a pair of twins. I stopped working for a while to take care of the children. In 1990, my father died and I became very attached to my mother. With all this, my role as a woman was in the background. Claudio worked a lot at that time, and I was busy with the family. Sometimes he would arrive late and I was already asleep. Result: we stopped dating🇧🇷 He complained, but I didn’t realize how serious the situation was. So when Claudio said he didn’t give it anymore, it was a shock. We separated in 1993, and for three long months I lived with my mother. We even consulted a lawyer. The difficult period forced me to reflect.

Since we had to meet to make decisions about the divorce, we got back together. Then it became clear that our story was not over: we loved each other too much. Sometimes preparations for separation ended in bed. After much deliberation, we decided to go back, but the restart was strange. I was walking on eggshells, not really knowing what to do. We wanted to regain our intimacy, but small children require full attention. At that moment, the whole family helped. Uncles and grandparents mobilized to stay with the children – that way we managed to escape to a movie, a motel, small trips. The crisis has taught us to take more care of our history. To this day we are very affectionate with each other and we don’t let sex cool down. Time brings not only wear and tear but also advantages: we know each other’s fantasies well. In addition, we maintain our independence, with different programs and friends, respecting each other’s space. A key lesson: never let problems pile up. A couple needs to renew themselves every day. And that you only do when you know that, despite all the difficulties, it’s worth being with him.