I stopped being nice and became a powerful woman!

I’ve already broken my face a lot for being nice, for donating too much to the relationship and for forgetting my own value. It was difficult and painful to change. But I learned to be safe and to want only those who do me good by my side. The book Why Men Love Powerful Women? helped me in this endeavor and made me see the incredible woman that exists within me. See how to become powerful too!

1st lesson
Don’t cancel yourself out for him

The good woman in me came out when I got madly involved with a
boy on the internet, aged 19, in 2004. We fell in love and I always wanted to be by his side. As he had a stable career in Belo Horizonte and my father lived there, I offered to leave Rio de Janeiro and live that love. I changed address, routine, life and friends, without thinking twice. However, in a few months I realized that I dedicated myself much more than he did to the relationship.

I also stopped going out and looking after my interests to be with him. The result of this imbalance was fights and a lot of hurt on both sides. At those times, I felt at a disadvantage. After all, he had given up everything for that love. Since he was my life, I was terrified of losing him and had a hard time saying no.
I went beyond my own limits to please him. It wore me out. After trying everything for over a year, I grabbed what little self-love I had left and ended the relationship. It was sad and difficult to see that I liked him more than myself. That was the problem with our relationship. But I knew I had the potential to be happy. So, I faced my fears, returned to Rio de Janeiro and started over from scratch.

2nd lesson
Value yourself to be valued

Time and distance helped me to forget that overwhelming first love. I already felt safe and happy when he contacted me again, in 2008, three years after I returned to Rio. We spoke again, but I made it clear that I would no longer give up my life for him. And more: if he wanted me by his side, he would have to make efforts for me, like coming to my city. That was the only way I could show him that I had value. When I valued myself, I was valued. He admired the confident woman I had become. The more I ran away from him, the more he said he was in love.

We try to get back together, remember the good times. We even thought about marriage, but it was too late. Deep down, I didn’t feel the same love for him nor was I willing to reconstruct this story. I felt independent, strong. And I chose to go on my way without him. It was a mature decision. We finished in August 2009.

3rd lesson
Mature woman attracts mature love

Did I know the book Why Men Love Powerful Women? in January of this year. I had already gotten over that failed relationship, but still, I did not see clearly the mistakes I had made in the past. Only with the book did I realize the incredible difference between being nice and being powerful.

Author Sherry Argov explains: “A powerful woman is not a woman who is arrogant, full of herself and proud, but a woman who values ​​herself. That she can love someone very much, but that she loves herself first”. Simple, right? It had everything to do with my new phase. This book has become a must-have on my nightstand. Since I started practicing the tips I found in it, I have felt the results. The most tangible thing is the (healthy) relationship I have with João Carlos, my boyfriend of four months.

4th and last lesson
Lead the relationship to what is good for you

Today I live one day at a time, without creating high expectations or placing the responsibility for my happiness on the other. My current relationship is mature and that gives me peace of mind to make plans for two. We are friends, lovers and confidants. We find the balance between the times we are together and the time alone together. He makes me go after my goals. That’s the difference: next to him, I’m the woman I’d like to be, I have the freedom to be myself.

My attitudes also changed a lot. I only know about his life what he tells me. I don’t dig into anything or worry about bullshit. I am safe and believe in a healthy relationship. And if one day he wants to break up, it’s his right. I’m not afraid. I trust our feelings and, modestly, my bat!