Is it true that we never get to know a person?

Sometimes people fail us, sometimes those closest to us turn out not to be as we expected. In some ways, it seems that we are forced to assume that it is not always possible to know someone completely to predict their behavior.

Sometimes we come to the conclusion that we never really got to know a person. Either because they surprise us with unexpected behavior that is as pleasant as it is positive or because they disappoint us, we come to the conclusion that when it comes to human relationships we can never take anything for granted. However, Is this true?

The poet John Donne said that no person is an island, something complete in itself. We are all a fragment, a part of a continent in which we are forced to live together. And doing so is not easy. Thus, something that, without a doubt, we would all like is for those with whom we establish a significant bond to always act as we want and expect.

Most of us like predictability. Knowing that if I expect something from someone, they will fulfill it. Understand and assume that my partner, family and friends will respond in such a way to certain circumstances, that they will always be reliable, that the vision we have of them is correct and will remain that way over time.

However, this variable is not always met. This formula does not offer the result we expect in all cases. Because, sometimes, they fail us. Sometimes we witness unexpected reactions, responses and behaviors that not only surprise us, but also hurt us. All of this forces us to ask ourselves, is it our mistake? Did we not know how to see what that person was really like? Let’s try to answer these questions below.

“Human beings are not born forever on the day their mothers give birth to them, but life forces them to give birth to themselves again and again.”

-Gabriel Garcia Marquez-

We never get to know a person. Is this expression true?

The reality is that we never get to know a person. Not in depth and not with enough certainty to put on their shoes, enter their mental universe and predict with complete accuracy what they will and will not do at any given moment. Assuming this does not have to be negative or worrying. People do not have absolute control over everything that surrounds us and this is something we must assume.

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People can change (and sometimes we need to)

One of the reasons we can never get to know a person is because we all have the ability to change., to assume new vital goals, to advance, mature and even change some traits of our personality. This is undoubtedly a very controversial topic, because in some way there are those who assume that the personality is formed in adulthood and only minor changes are possible.

However, assuming this perspective can make us jump from disappointment to disappointment.. People change because experiences change us. Because life sometimes places us before certain events where one must rethink certain things and even rebuild oneself again. Studies, such as the one carried out by Dr. Nathan W. Hudson from the University of Michigan, support an interesting idea. Many of us are not fully satisfied with our personality. So, one of our vital objectives is to polish our authentic selfworking on insecurities, strengthening identity and changing certain traits to feel more fulfilled.

This process of change can sometimes mean leaving behind certain ties or even disappointing loved ones. On our path towards self-realization it is almost inevitable not to surprise someone with our decisions. (we can even surprise ourselves).

We never got to know someone because perhaps we saw them the way we wanted.

There are those who lament that we never get to know a person. Often as he builds up resentment and frustration over frustrated expectations. We all have the irremediable capacity to be fallible.of disappointing those who love us, of not being as others expected.

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Now, there is another aspect that we cannot leave aside. Sometimes we never really get to know someone because we limit ourselves to not leaving the profile we have drawn, eliminating from our field of attention what we do not want to see. There are those who create an image of absolute perfection and unreality of others. They are people who take too many hypotheses for granted, who idealize and also submit, who are incapable of seeing beyond what they want to intuit what those beings close to them are really like. Sometimes we look but we don’t see, and that means experiencing disappointment sooner or later.

Conclusion

Something that Lewis R. Goldberg, a renowned expert in the field of human character, points out to us is that Personality is not always an infallible and completely rigorous factor to predict how someone will behave throughout their life.. There are small aspects that escape us, there are unforeseen variables that always remain out of our control.

It is true, therefore, that we never get to know 100% of the person we live with. Faced with this, we have no choice but to trust, to hope that the happiness we have now does not escape or be lost, to tolerate uncertainty. However, As we well know, in this world certainty is minimal and, therefore, the best thing is to enjoy the present and accept without resistance that life is also change, ignorance and surprise.