9 steps to change your personality

“People don’t change”, “I’m like that, what are we going to do?” We are used to hearing and using these types of phrases that advocate the impossibility of modifying personality. For years there has been a widespread belief that the way you are is some kind of life sentence, and there is nothing you can do about it.. But is this really true?

We all have aspects of ourselves that we would like to change, refine or improve. Especially individuals who suffer from personality disorders have been faced with the frustrating barrier of having to resign themselves to what they have had to live through. However, it has been proven that this may not be a lost battle..

What is personality?

We can define personality as a stable set of psychological traits that define the way the individual perceives, feels and reacts. before himself and the environment that surrounds him. In the definition itself we find that these are consolidated, stable and constant patterns of thought and behavior. That is, they are maintained over time and throughout the various contexts.

It is because of this same stable quality that personality modification is not a simple task.. Personal habits are so ingrained that it is difficult to counteract the impact of a lifetime of thinking and feeling a certain way. However, it is not an impossible task either. With work and perseverance we can influence our personality traits.

The Big Five Model

Several personality classification categories have been established based on different traits. One of the best known and most used is the one corresponding to the big five model. It reflects five aspects of personality as a continuum between two polarities. People are located in different places in that range depending on our way of being.

Extraversion: At one point on the continuum are highly sociable and energetic people, who enjoy contact with others. In the other are introverted, reserved and introspective individuals, who prefer solitude and familiar environments.Openness to experience: This trait defines, on the one hand, imaginative, curious and original people. And, on the other, to those who are more practical, conventional and traditional.Responsibility: differentiates between individuals with high self-control, organization and reliability, from those who are more informal, careless and lack self-discipline.Kindness: At its positive pole are altruistic, considerate and affable people. In the negative, the egocentric, competitive and hostile ones.Neuroticism: differentiates those who have a tendency to feel anxiety, negative emotions and intolerance to stress, from those who have greater emotional stability.

Can personality be modified?

As in many other aspects, the answer is not absolute. lPersonality disorders are really difficult to address and require longer-term therapies than other types of pathologies. On the other hand, in healthy people, personality modification is a real and viable option. How to do it? In five steps.

Specifically identify which personality trait you want to change.. It is important to be specific about the type of thoughts or behaviors we want to change. To do this, first, locate where you are on the continuum and where you would like to be.Commit to your goal. Make sure you are really willing to change, otherwise you will only create confusion in yourself and others.Become aware of your ambivalences regarding change and create a plan to manage them. Change provokes resistance, you may find yourself sabotaging your own attempts at change in the near future with various excuses. To avoid this, spend some time clarifying your motivation to change and always keep in mind why you do it.Visualize yourself vividly and constantly with your new personality. The definitions we give of ourselves condition us. Get used to seeing yourself and talking about yourself in terms of the new person you want to be, and not the person you once were.Surround yourself with people who inspire you. You are not alone on the way. Surely someone around you sees that you want to improve some aspect of your personality. Lean on them and let yourself be inspired.Use introspection. It is important that, to change, you know where you are starting from. Although it may seem paradoxical, to be another person you must first be clear about who you are.Acquire the skills that are necessary for the new you. Identify what resources you are missing and look for how to develop them.Practice your new trait at every opportunity you get. It may feel forced at first, but you will end up internalizing these behaviors as a true part of you.Have the help of a professional. If you don’t feel comfortable with your personality, it’s probably because it is limiting you when it comes to being happy. In these situations, mood disorders may develop (or already be present). Therefore, turn to a specialist to help you better manage the change.You might be interested…