Don’t ask me for what you are not able to give

It frequently occurs in couples, but it also tends to happen between parents and children, between friends and in almost any type of human relationship. We are talking about those types of situations in which one of the parties asks, demands or demands very forcefully, but when it comes to giving, they are much more conservative and stingy.

These types of people feel as if they deserve everything, in exchange for nothing.. They are also characterized by seeing “the speck in another’s eye”, but not the beam in their own. To top it all off, they are extremely manipulative and often make others believe, truly, that they have to please them in exchange for nothing and even make them feel guilty when they do not comply with that pattern.

The links established by these types of people are clearly exploitative. However, they manage to not see themselves that way and that is why they achieve what they set out to do: ask for a lot and give little, even with the consent of the person affected. If you do not want to fall into this type of behavior, it is worth knowing five types of situations that you should avoid.

Don’t ask to be heard if you don’t know how to listen.

It is one of the most frequent cases: those who always want to be talking and for others to listen to them, but when it comes to listening to others they yawn, get distracted or, suddenly, they no longer have time and leave.

It happens a lot with parents who want their children to pay attention to their sermons, but they do not spend time listening to what they think. It happens in couples, when one of the two becomes the “support” of the other, as if she had adopted him. It happens between friends, between teachers and students, between co-workers.

Don’t ask to be understood if you can’t understand.

It is another very common situation. It occurs with the eternally misunderstood, who feel completely different from others and constantly complain about the indifference of others. For them, being understood is a right that they have naturally, but that others deny them..

That is why their complaints are aimed at blaming others, as if others had an obligation that they are not fulfilling. They have not discovered that Understanding is a flower that is cultivated, first in oneself and then in others..

Respect is not demanded, it is earned. And among the many attitudes that a human being has, this is perhaps the one that most rigorously complies with the principle of equity. In other words, there is no other way to earn the respect of others than by respecting them and respecting yourself.

Sometimes respect is confused with fear or reverence. Authority figures tend to “make themselves respected” through imposition, or fear. What they get is precisely what they seek: fear and submission, but not respect.

Do not ask for peace, if what you sow is violence

This is one of the most paradoxical cases. It becomes visible in those people who shout and tell someone else to shout at them. Or those who get exasperated and shout: “When you get desperate you make me mad!”

It is very common for aggressive people to constantly ask for reassurance.. They usually blame others for their violent reactions. Apparently, they are not masters of their emotions; If it weren’t for the others, they would be very peaceful. And the mistakes of others are what lead them to lose control.

They forget that peace is not outside of ourselves, but is built in each one of us. They overlook that everyone must work to achieve self-control and autonomy. If they sowed peace, surely that would be what they would get in their harvest.

Don’t ask for perfection, if you are as human as others

Some people have an exaggeratedly positive opinion of themselves. They assume themselves as a model for others. These are almost always psycho-rigid people who they take adherence to standards as the sole parameter for evaluating everyone.

Since they themselves apparently comply with what is established to the letter, they attribute to themselves the right to qualify, judge and condemn others. They do not understand that perhaps what leads them to be so scrupulous could be fear or repression..

They don’t want to see that there are other ways of seeing life, as valid as theirs. YesThey feel “perfect” without being perfect, because no one is. But this fantasy justifies, to themselves, their demand for perfection in others.

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Images courtesy of Beth Lokh, Jeannette Woitzik