Is it possible to forgive betrayal? |

We are permanently experiencing opportunities for learning and growth based on our choices. When we don’t do them consciously and in tune with our internal truth, this is reflected externally, in our physical body, in our relationships and in all situations in which we live.

When we repeatedly make choices unconsciously, these reflexes manifest themselves at first in a more subtle and limited way. They appear as small physical discomforts and accidents, or in small fights and disagreements in our day-to-day lives.

When we don’t learn to see and understand the lessons that these situations show us while still signaling in a less intense way, they can be amplified in serious illnesses, great losses or accidents, and even affective betrayals.

An extreme culmination of a previous long process, betrayals in relationships never happen for nothing. They always point to an underlying situation, which is the focus of our attention when dealing with betrayal.

Responsibility never lies exclusively with the “traitor”. He may have been the active agent, but the “betrayed” is also an agent, albeit passively.

When experiencing a betrayal, it is important that, despite all the pain, you consciously face the situation. Access the underlying process by seeking your own responsibility in it.

The main question is not “Why did he/she do it?” or “What did I do wrong?” but “What does this betrayal show about me? What issues of mine are involved in the situation?”.

Avoid the trap of blaming others or yourself, as this too means denial and avoidance, only making the situation worse.

self-forgiveness

Forgiving a betrayal means, first of all, forgiving yourself: accepting your truth and assuming what you learned from the situation. Only then will he be able to see the truth of the other and thus forgive him.

Whether that means reconciliation or not doesn’t matter. Without self-forgiveness, the lesson the betrayal came to teach remains unlearned.

The root of the betrayal remains unresolved within you, and in the future it will show itself again in another unpleasant situation, or even in another betrayal, either with the same partner or with another.

Once your question is detected, assume your responsibility, see and accept the situation as it really is. Step out of the role of victim and blame, and commit to yourself to effectively see and learn the implicit lesson in the situation.

You can seek therapeutic help and professional guidance. It doesn’t matter which path you choose, but when making this commitment, make it concrete in actions and in the necessary transformations.

Getting in touch with the root of betrayal within yourself can be extremely painful. If so far there has been neglect of these issues, they are probably not easy to face.

However, as painful as the process is, dive in and free yourself. Face your lessons instead of masking the pain. Go to the heart of the main issue and resolve not only this betrayal, but all the situations that came before it. Free yourself to experience a future with new, more pleasant experiences.

Reflections that help clarify your responsibility and your choices

How do I put myself in the relationship? Is my posture aggressive? Or too passive? Am I too afraid of losing my partner? Do I do everything not to give up the relationship?

Are there unresolved issues with my partner? What behaviors and attitudes of mine contributed to them becoming unresolved? What relationship issues have I been avoiding dealing with? Do I want and am I willing to try to solve them?

Is my partner ready for a faithful commitment? Am I willing and do I have the emotional structure to (re)build this commitment?

Do I build illusions and expectations based on my dreams and expect my partner to meet them?