How to stop being shy with women: proven method step by step – Methods for Flirting

If you feel anxious, scared or inhibited when trying to approach or interact with women and urgently need to improve your social skills with them, you have come to the right place.

Much of the information and advice you will find online to overcome your shyness with girls surely includes basic ideas like “let her talk” or “take the risk and now, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Of course, as if it were so simple.

Thousands of guys know this theory perfectly and despite this they are unable to get close to talking to a woman they like, and when they do, they block themselves and miss many valuable opportunities to conquer her.

The truth is that most of the articles that are supposed to help you stop being shy were written by men who have never really been shy and don’t understand how anxiety affects when you try to talk to a woman.

When we talk about putting shyness aside, it is about understanding its deepest causes in order to work on them. It is not simply trying to hide anxiety or pretending that you are confident, but actually managing to feel confident so that you can see yourself confident. It should be something that comes naturally to you.

To help you, we are not going to give you the same useless advice. We tell you three steps, not so simple but effective, to help you feel more confident about yourself.

1. Overcome your inferiority complex

In most cases, shyness stems from an inferiority complex whereby you feel that the women you find attractive are better or more valuable than you. This makes you close off from others, feel anxious when women approach you and prevents you from talking to them or showing yourself as you are.

Read our guide on the 20 ways to learn to love yourself and be happy in the world

We will illustrate it with a very clear example:

Fat girl syndrome and inferiority complex

Imagine you have a friend who you don’t find attractive, and maybe she’s a little fat. Do you feel anxious or nervous around her? Probably not. And if you do feel it, it will surely be less than what you feel in front of a girl you like.

Think about the way you behave around women you are not attracted to or are close family members. The reason you feel more confident with them, as if they were just another one of your friends, is because there is no romantic expectation involved, nor the fear of the consequences of looking bad in front of them.

That is the best demonstration that it is perfectly possible to feel comfortable and confident in the presence of women, and at the same time it helps you identify what triggers your shyness. To a large extent, this appears when you interpret the social value of one of them as superior to yours, mainly due to their attractiveness.

Shy men tend to become infatuated with a woman quite easily. Maybe you’ve only seen her from afar, you haven’t even talked to her, but you already imagine a future in which they live happily ever after.

When this happens, rejection alerts immediately go off in your head. The expectation of making a fool of yourself and having everyone notice that you tried to aspire to something that – according to you – is out of your reach, causes you an unconscious fear of failing, which ends up paralyzing you.

The solution is to stop placing so much value on appearances. You will surely be more attracted to a pretty girl, but physical appearance alone should not be enough of a reason to intimidate you.

She may be very pretty, but what if she is superficial or avowedly stupid, gossipy or malicious?

Surely you don’t want a person like that in your life, but rather someone who shares your values ​​and interests, regardless of whether or not they are a supermodel. Physical appearance does not make one person superior to another, it is nothing more than a sum of genes that we could consider positive, so, by itself, it is not enough.

In summary, there are three main types of men:

1. Those who get super nervous around attractive girls (and miss all their opportunities to meet them).

2. Those who go directly to try to flirt with them in an obvious way (which usually end up being rejected).

3. Those who take the time to treat them like any other person and gain their trust (those who generally get a girlfriend).

Lack of experience increases your complex

Another cause of the inferiority complex is thinking that having little experience in romantic relationships makes you immediately repulsive or unattractive to women.

If you grew up shy, it is normal and logical that you have not had many girlfriends, that has nothing to do with your value as a person, but simply that you have difficulty socializing with girls.

If you realize, this creates a vicious circle in which this inability to relate in some way “confirms” to you that you are not valuable enough, and this increases your inferiority complex and, of course, your shyness.

Have you ever noticed that extroverted women tend to date extroverted men? More than appearance or attractiveness, what usually attracts girls’ attention is the attitude and way of being of men. In fact, you will see that some who are handsome but not so confident, probably have girlfriends, but they are not happy.

It’s a question of social statistics, and it has nothing to do with you not being good enough to get a partner who meets your expectations.

The truth is that with an attitude in which you consider that you have fewer opportunities just because you don’t have a mile-long list of ex-girlfriends, you are only sabotaging yourself. You have to look at it as a matter of time: maybe you started a little late, and you just need to catch up.

We are not going to lie to you, many women are curious about men who have dated attractive girls, because managing to date them somehow validates their own beauty to them.

But your lack of experience is also something you can use to your advantage, with some intelligence. If you make them see that you are waiting for a girl who is truly worth it, many will want to be that special girl.

If you are especially shy, it will be inevitable that many women you are attracted to will have more experience than you. Just accept it and move on.

Self-criticism and the inferiority complex

Many people are especially hard on themselves and easily get used to judging themselves. Whether because they had very strict parental figures or because it is simply part of their personality, if they developed an overly aggressive inner critic, they may have to deal with a major insecurity complex all the time.

If you are one of those people, regardless of your possible childhood traumas, you need to keep in mind that it is a proven fact that the less valuable you feel, the more insecure you will be.

And the more insecure you are, the more difficult it will be for you to project all your virtues and all the good things you have to offer. So a change of mentality is necessary, whether you want it or not.

To achieve this, you must become aware of the way in which you diminish yourself and make yourself feel inferior to yourself, because your main problem is your own negative thoughts.

There is no magic formula to get rid of them, but luckily there is a behavioral formula that is real and effective: begin to gradually replace those thoughts with ones that are kinder to you.

When you think something bad about yourself, simply stop for a moment, “delete the cassette” and replace that thought with a positive one about one of your qualities or your achievements.

At first it will be difficult and you may feel a little silly. But with discipline, as time goes by you will do it automatically and you will keep at bay that inner critic that always tells you that you are going to fail when you want to approach a girl.

Remember that, for the vast majority of women, personality and self-confidence are more important than physical appearance. Your appearance doesn’t matter as much as you think, and it may not even be as bad as you think.

All the girls worth their salt are surrounding the popular, successful and charismatic men. On the other hand, many attractive men stick to dating stunning girls, even though they aren’t really emotionally attracted to them.

There are thousands of examples of famous couples that can help you let go of those self-sabotaging thoughts. For women it is not so simple, because generally men do give more weight to the physique, but when you are a man and have a correct attitude, the rest is not necessary.

Take advantage of this advantage and leave aside complexes that do not serve you. If you don’t believe us, ask any pretty girl if she prefers to date a metrosexual hunk, or a normal man who is sweet, responsible and fun.

Read our guide on how to stop being a toxic person quickly and easily

2. Stop clinging to a particular achievement

One thing that many shy men have in common is the tendency to fall hopelessly and completely in love with a single woman who, normally, they also consider absolutely out of their reach. And the worst? It’s just that they fall in love with her without even having a real acquaintance with her.

The fact of not knowing them does not prevent them from becoming obsessed with her, to the point of idealizing her and attaching a lot of imaginary attributes to her that she does not really have, but that in their head turn her into a demigoddess who is impossible to approach.

Stop unrealistic fantasies

Imagine that a particular woman catches your attention. Since you are shy, you have not approached her to interact with her, but that does not stop you from frequently thinking about what it would be like to go out and live with her, even form a couple.

Since you don’t really have much information for the movie script you’re producing in your head, you’re going to make up a lot of details about it. Obviously, since you like her, these hypothetical details are going to all be pleasant and wonderful and will depend on your particular tastes, conscious or unconscious.

Thus, little by little she will become the perfect woman in your head, because the fantasy will mix with the emotion that seeing her provokes in you. The result? You will feel absolutely intimidated by her perfection and even more nervous about her when you are around her in real life.

The reality is that she is a human being full of flaws like everyone else, and if you finally dare to talk to her but treat her like a superior being, she will interpret that then you don’t love yourself and will most likely rule you out as a possible partner. .

In order to approach girls in a natural and casual way, you have to stop idealizing them and put aside the fear of rejection. And you do that by stopping feeding fantasies and focusing all that emotional energy on really getting to know them. Remember: these fantasies are self-sabotage.

Don’t have too many expectations

We don’t mean to become a professional pessimist, but we do mean to keep your expectations within reason so that you don’t go straight to disappointment in love again and again.

Since shy boys don’t tend to interact much, when for one reason or another they dare to talk to a girl who…