How to help the child who is excessively afraid of going to school

Vacations are over and the first day of school has arrived. The little one, who used to wake up excited, woke up different. He refused to eat breakfast and sulked at shower time. Shortly after, he resisted putting on his uniform, threw his backpack on the ground and cried before leaving the house. On the way to school, he complained of severe abdominal pain. In the following days, the condition worsened, with retching, excessive sweating and tremors. Scenes like this are repeated in many families, but, in most cases, parents believe that it is nothing more than the child’s wit or coolness to not go to school. The diagnosis for this behavior, however, can be school phobia🇧🇷

Classified as an anxiety disorder, school phobia is among the disorders that most affect children and adolescents and can appear throughout their school life, although it is noticed more frequently in the age group that comprises five and ten years old. In addition to the exacerbated fear of going to school, it can lead to other problems, such as truancy, repetition, lack of socialization with peers and low self-esteem.

According to Elizabeth Polity, psychopedagogue and director of Colégio Winnicott, in São Paulo, specialized in assisting children with learning difficulties, school phobia is characterized as a uncontrollable separation anxiety, that is, difficulty adapting to a new space without the presence of family ties. “The child may be afraid to leave the mother or the house because he has fantasies of abandonment or destruction. Situations of post-traumatic stress such as parental divorce, loss of loved ones and bullying also appear as causes, ”she explains. The disorder may also be associated with some significant change in the child’s life, such as changing classes or schools and increasing academic demands as the student advances in the grades.

In these periods of great transformation, the fear emerges as a resource of defense and protection for the little ones. However, in excess, it can become pathological. Most children outgrow this stage in about a week. However, having some type of insecurity and anxiety within four weeks is still considered normal. Parents should be aware if their child’s fear of going to school intensifies or persists for a long time — then it may indeed be a sign of a phobia.

The problem is that, because they are not aware of this disorder or because they do not know how to deal with the situation, many parents end up forcing, punishing and imposing that the child goes to school anyway – which can cause even more suffering and anguish. “It is worth remembering that each child is unique and needs to be respected in their uniqueness, which is why communication between the family and the school is fundamental in any situation, so that together they can develop a work for the well-being of the child”, argues Luzia Aparecida da Silva, pedagogical coordinator of Early Childhood Education at Colégio Santa Amália, in São Paulo.

THE adaptation of these students in the school environment should be done slowly and gradually, following the pace and needs of each one. The role of the school is, little by little, to show the student that he has skills and potential, that mistakes are part of development and that the school environment and learning can be very pleasant. “If family and school help through conversations and arrangements is not enough, you should seek out a professional, preferably a family therapist, who will address the issue in the relational context of the problem. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and a psychiatrist can also be useful for the student”, clarifies the educational psychologist Elizabeth Polity.

Tips to help your child deal with the conflicting feelings that come with going to school:

· Respect the child’s fears. Don’t scold or yell when she cries about not wanting to go to school.

· Talk to your child about their fears, giving them the security they need. The little ones always perceive the anxiety and insecurity of the parents.

· Keep goodbyes at school brief. No going back to give another kiss or say something you forgot. It increases the suffering.

· Do not leave school hidden from the child. Always let them know you’re going out and when you’ll be back to pick them up.

· Arrange with the school how they will let you know if your child is too uncomfortable or crying too much. And trust! If they didn’t call, it’s because everything is fine.

· Be at the school door when the child is leaving class. Never be late.

· Encourage the child to practice other activities outside of school.

· Analyze whether the school is prepared to deal with this type of situation.

· Always stay alert: if the signs of suffering do not diminish, seek help from the school.