What to do so that the eldest son does not die of jealousy of his little brother?

Every family that grows suffers from the same problem: the arrival of a new member usually shakes the feelings of the eldest child. So that childhood jealousy does not harm family life or children’s development and learning, parents need to understand and control the situation.

Going back to diapers, whining over every little thing, wanting to sleep in your parents’ bed are three classic signs of childhood jealousy. And they appear mainly in the first few months after the arrival of a new member in the family – a period when having a little brother, in the eyes of the little ones, can be scary.

See what to do for your family to live this phase in a peaceful way.

Do children of all ages suffer from this problem?

The younger, the more sensitive to changes in behavior the child will be. But this can also happen to older children.

The age group that experiences the most difficulty ranges from 2.5 to 4 years old – a period in which the child’s world is the family and nothing else. “Once this phase is over, her world expands when she enters school. She establishes ties with other people and that makes it easier for her brother to arrive,” says psychologist Simone Moraes de Ávila.

4 classic signs that the child is jealous

Tantrum: He doesn’t want to go to the school anymore, he says the teacher doesn’t like him anymore and he doesn’t have any friends there. Everything is an excuse to stay at home, cuddled up with mom.

Isolation: He is alone, silent, despondent. Many parents, when they observe this behavior, understand that there is no jealousy and that the child is coping well with the arrival of the sibling. Big mistake. Isolation can also indicate jealousy!

Aggressiveness: He tries to hit the baby, pull the hair and even throw an object in the direction of the little brother. Aggressiveness can also be with the mother, complaining about everything she tells her to do or even throwing things at her and trying to hit her.

Regression: Wants to go back to using a pacifier and bottle, regresses in speech, goes back to wetting the bed at night (if he had already controlled this step), wants to go back to sleeping in the crib, even though he already has a bed… He does everything to get attention.

See what to do to control the situation

Do not fight: Avoid fighting and putting the child in time-out every time he is disobedient at this time. This will only increase her jealousy of her brother. Talk a lot, explain. “Make the child feel loved, highlight their qualities and include them in this life change, even in the choices that concern the baby”, suggests Simone.

Follow the routine: Dedicate a few moments of your day just to your eldest child. Play with him and don’t change the routine: if before you told him a bedtime story, keep the same habit. It is also important to avoid radical changes in family life, such as promoting a change of room or enrolling your eldest child in school. These modifications should be made well before delivery or months after the adjustment phase with the baby. Thus, the losses will not be associated with the arrival of the little brother.

Avoid comparisons: Despite being difficult, avoid making comparisons between the two children like: “he sleeps more than you”, “he is calmer than you were when you were a baby”, “he has more hair than you had”. Every human being is unique and has its own value.

Ask for family collaboration: When relatives visit the baby, recommend that they also talk and play with your older child.

Give responsibilities: Ask the older one to help with baby-related tasks, such as looking at the baby for a few minutes. This improves the relationship between the two.