How to avoid destructive attitudes

Harming yourself without realizing it is called “self-sabotage”. This can happen so often that the destructive attitude becomes a habit. Psychologist Bel Cesar explains that this behavior usually appears when the person is afraid of feeling the pain of a negative experience again.

There are many ways to self-sabotage. One of them is when a person says he really wants a promotion, but doesn’t respond to the boss’s requests or doesn’t meet the deadlines required by the company. The same goes for people who are on a diet and raid the fridge in the middle of the night.

But why does this happen?

Destructive attitudes can be a way for you to punish yourself for a mistake. That is, because they made a mistake or suffered once, some people begin to feel that they no longer deserve to fulfill their own dreams and life goals. “This is harmful because, even without being aware of it, those who feel this way think they deserve to be punished”, explains psychologist Bel. In this way, it is possible to create barriers so that desires do not become real.

How to identify these destructive actions?

Because it’s repetitive behavior, you need to be aware of the most common characteristics of self-sabotage. Are they:

· Mistrust of one’s ability to perform;

· Cultivating a sense of cowardice and fear;

· Feeling paralyzed in the face of situations you dreamed of living;

· Having difficulty cultivating relationships and showing emotions;

· Do not believe in the praise you receive;

· Resist reflecting on one’s own mistakes and learning from them;

· Anchoring in personal characteristics such as shyness, laziness and pride. They are defense mechanisms against changing attitudes.

How to end the problem?

The first step, according to psychologist Bel Cesar, is to make the decision to change. “To do this, you need to dedicate yourself to recognizing your own mistakes and having the intention of replacing them with positive attitudes”, says the expert. She check out how to do it:

· Pay attention to the ready-made phrases that come to your mind to discourage your decisions. Thoughts like “I won’t make it”, “everything will go wrong”, “I’ll leave it for later”, “I’m too lazy” and “I don’t have the courage” reveal destructive behaviors that we are not aware of;

· Every time you recognize a self-handling thought, replace it with positive ideas. For example: instead of saying “I can’t do it”, say “I can do it”, “I can do it”, “everything will be fine”, “I will solve this problem now and not later”, “I’m brave”, “ I deserve to be happy”;

· Be willing to assume the responsibilities that these new behaviors will bring to you. For example, who wants to be rich has to feel comfortable dealing with money, right?;

· Be patient. Changing behavior does not happen overnight. It takes time and persistence to replace old thoughts with new ones until they become a habit;

· Allow yourself to strengthen relationships and friendships. Seek to demonstrate your emotions and feelings and talk about them. It’s a way to exercise behavior changes.