How does ADHD affect sex life?

There are people who, when they hear the terms “hyperactivity” or “inattention,” exclusively visualize someone with learning problems. However, this neurodevelopmental disorder transcends academics and alters many personal spheres. In fact, ADHD affects the sexual life of adults, to the point of affecting the quality of their relationships.

If you know someone with this condition or have this diagnosis, you know what we’re talking about. Many times, the brain feels overstimulated or is focused on infinite things at once.. This breaks intimacy and the ability to maintain satisfactory experiences. In the following reading, we describe such characteristics and how to learn to manage them.

If ADHD affects sexual life in adults: what can I do?

In recent years, and due to late diagnoses of ADHD, this topic has attracted more and more attention and interest. A well-known reference in this matter is that of the psychiatrist Russel A. Barkley, with his famous book Taking control of ADHD as an adult (2013). In it he talks to you about aspects of medication, how to regulate behavior and enhance your skills.

Nevertheless, The sexual life of people with this condition has almost always been a taboo. In clinical settings and in couples therapy, it is common to have these patients requesting specialized help. The reason? His intimate life shows numerous problems and challenges. We detail them below.

1. Distraction and problems in sexual performance

The person with ADHD experiences love like any other: with intensity, effusiveness and emotion. But, Sometimes, your mind splits and, in addition to being focused on your partner, you also think about that pending task. or in the series you just watched. Such distraction usually has consequences such as the following:

Performance issues: absent-mindedness during sex causes serious alterations in one’s own performance in reaching orgasm. Something without a doubt very frustrating.Limitation when it comes to feeling pleasure: Someone with this condition has serious difficulty concentrating fully on their feelings and arousal. Also in physical sensations. All of this dissolves the intensity of the experiences of enjoyment and enjoyment.Connection is broken: This lack of attention impacts the sexual couple. He does it to the point of thinking that it is unwanted, that this lack of emotional and mental presence during sex is due to personal factors. In the long run, such a dynamic impoverishes sexuality, the magic fades and tensions appear in the relationship.

What can be done?

In these situations it is necessary that there be good communication between the couple. You have to understand what having ADHD means and how the brain of someone who suffers from it works.. Lack of attention and connection during intimate relationships does not mean that feelings and desires are not present. They are there, but it is difficult to center them. We explain what to do in these cases.

It is necessary to clarify feelings and eliminate doubts. It is always appropriate to exclude distractors from the room. Psychoeducation in ADHD will help to understand these difficulties. If the man or woman with ADHD takes medication, they should not neglect it. The couple must have complete confidence to express what you feel and need. It is good to specify which sexual positions or games are most pleasurable. The person with this condition should concentrate on those agreed-upon practices. Before sex it is advisable to relax the mind and put worries aside.

According to data from the World Health Organization (WHO), the prevalence of ADHD ranges between 5% and 8% worldwide. But the problem is that there are many adults who are undiagnosed or who discover it between the ages of 30 and 40. During that time their sexual life is affected and even limited without understanding the reason.

2. Hypersexual behaviors

There is a first nuance to consider. ADHD affects sexual life in adults in different ways and each person experiences it in a particular way. However, A significant part of this group says they experience greater hypersexuality. Research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health describes this reality.

Consists in a greater need to have sexual contacts, to masturbate, consume pornography and lead to infidelities. These are behaviors that do not always translate into satisfaction, but often the shadow of regret and discomfort arises. What’s more, there is a high risk of suffering from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

What can be done?

Hypersexuality or uncontrollable sexual desire is treated in therapy. There are effective psychotherapeutic approaches to regulate this characteristic through the dimensions that we mention below:

Learn to effectively regulate emotions and impulses. Direct interests to facets beyond the scope of sexuality. Facilitate the opportunity to have more controlled and satisfying relationships. Work on those triggers that orchestrate uncontrolled sexual behavior. Reflect on the sexual behavior to better understand it within ADHD itself.

It should be noted that, in some cases, the administration of certain drugs can be used. But, as they clarify in an article shared in BJPsych Advances, this is still in the study phase.

3. Lower sex drive or problems with stimulation

Just as there are men and women with a greater sexual appetite, there are those who have a lower libido. This is part of the sexual particularities of the disorder. In fact, there are people who feel blocked due to hypersensitivity to stimuli, that is, caresses and physical contact are experienced in an intense, annoying and even painful way.

In this sense, it is important that you keep something in mind. The brains of people with ADHD work differently. An article in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience states that there are abnormalities in the prefrontal and orbital limbic areas, as well as in the ventromedial area. These alterations harm motivation, sensations and control of emotions.

What can be done?

When a diagnosis of ADHD is received, it is not enough for the neurologist to offer a report and possible pharmacological treatment. Every person must understand what implications this disorder has and how it affects each facet of the life; including sexual.

If this is your case or someone close to you is experiencing this reality, encourage them to contact a professional in this area. It will help you understand what is happening to you and handle intimate relationships more satisfactorily. Sexual desire is born in the brain and it is always possible to boost and improve it. Likewise, medications such as Adderall can reduce hypersensitivity to stimuli.

4. Unsatisfactory relationships and regrets

This is a veiled topic that is not talked about much. ADHD affects adult sex life in ways that are sometimes traumatic. The lack of regulation of impulses may lead to unsatisfactory and even dangerous relationships. This is what we are informed in an investigation published in BMC Women’s Health.

There are many young girls who suffer from unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases. Other times, Some women are victims of violent and unsatisfactory experiences. They are delicate experiences that must be taken into account and even made more visible.

What can be done?

Each adult with ADHD has their own needs and characteristics. You will be interested to know that, generally, A person with this disorder benefits from a pharmacological, psychological and psychosocial approach. Multidisciplinary intervention and, especially, therapy, are key to improving sexual life. We indicate the most useful approaches:

Psychoeducation: Thanks to it, the person with ADHD will know their neurological condition in depth to manage it much better in their intimate life.Behavioral therapy: This model is based on re-education and behavior modification and is very useful when regulating dysfunctional behaviors. Something that will be of great help in the sexual sphere.Cognitive-behavioral therapy: It is very useful in areas such as emotional and behavioral self-regulation. Also to have adequate attention, planning and self-control strategies.

Can you have a satisfying sex life with ADHD?

It is true that ADHD affects sexual life in adults. But this does not mean that this group cannot have a full and satisfactory sexuality. Because the majority achieve it. Do not forget that there are many individual differences and that there will be those who do not present any difficulties, while others carry with them notable suffering and limitations.

Sexuality is an important part of the human being and we all deserve to live it in the best conditions. The People with this neurodevelopmental disorder benefit from psychoeducation and therapy psychological. Likewise, good communication and understanding between couples acts as the balm that makes everything easier.

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