Verbal aikido, a technique to defend yourself from verbal attacks

Verbal aikido is a technique derived from aikido as a martial art. The latter was born in modern Japan, at the hands of a combat master named Morihei Ueshiba. It is based on the principle that in conflict situations what should be sought is the neutralization of the opponent, avoiding harm.

Like all martial arts, aikido is not just about combat techniques. At the core of this there is a whole philosophy. Its executors seek, above all, personal evolution. They involve the physical, mental and spiritual plane in the practice. They do not belittle their opponents, but rather try to understand them and learn from them.

Based on these principles, a group of authors began to seek their application in communication. This is how they developed the concept of verbal aikido. They found that it is an excellent way to avoid and/or process conflicts everyday. It is exercised to bring more peace, serenity and happiness to life. Like any technique, it is something that can be learned and the greatest benefits come with practice.

Verbal aikido and the response to aggression

The promoters of verbal aikido indicate that when receiving verbal aggression, the most important thing is to preserve our own well-being. A verbal attack can unleash a hurricane of emotions and confuse the mind. That’s why It is essential to maintain serenity and focus on the purpose of solving the problem not to enlarge it.

The first thing then is not to react automatically, but rather to use the force of the attack to make a turn. This should place us in the same place where our attacker is looking. Instead of looking at it from the opposite shore, the idea is to try to see what this person is looking at.

This is only achieved if instead of worrying about reacting, we take care to listen. . Try to understand their point of view. Let’s see an example of this verbal aikido. Someone launches the following verbal attack: “You have a terrible job performance and yet your bosses treat you better than me.” Using the verbal aikido technique, the answer would be: “It is very frustrating to work well and feel that we are not given enough recognition. I completely understand your anger.”

In this example they avoid entering into a discussion about the person to whom the attack is directed. Rather, one responds by putting oneself in the other’s place.. This places the conflict in other terms. Almost always, behind a verbal attack there is a person who is suffering. Aggression, although it is a dysfunctional form, is sometimes also a way of asking for help.

Verbal Aikido Techniques

Verbal aikido contemplates some specific techniques to face an attack. These are mechanisms that have proven to be effective in overcoming these types of situations. They are inspired by martial art movements.

The main techniques are the following:

Consent and yield. It is used when the attack does not really put us at risk and has become repetitive. The work is more internal and consists of preventing the verbal attack from causing us harm.Give in and stay in the starting position. It implies recognizing that there may be part of the reason in the other’s statement, but preserving one’s own point of view and making it known. It is suitable for a dispute of a mental or intellectual type.Flatter. It is used when the disagreement originates in the other’s desire to appear superior. The compliment or flattery deactivates aggressiveness, as it satisfies the aggressor’s desire.Detoxifying replica. It involves responding to aggression with a question. This has two advantages. On the one hand, it allows the other to evaluate the reasonableness of the attack. On the other hand, it gives us a small window of time to calm down and not react violently as well. It is appropriate when there are harsh personal offenses.Objective verification. It consists of letting the other person see that we notice his annoyance towards us. At the same time, express that we want to resolve the difference through healthy communication. It is equivalent to a formula: “I notice that my idea bothers you, but I would like to explain to you why I think this way.”Confrontation. It is a technique to put a stop or brake on a lack of respect or excessive verbal aggression. It corresponds to something like this: “I may have made a mistake, but you have no right to treat me that way, that’s why I demand an apology.”Moderate tone. In this case, what is sought is to make the other aware that there is an offense and that it will not be admitted. It is equivalent to: “If you continue speaking to me in those terms (or in that tone), I am going to end this conversation.”

Finally, what verbal aikido seeks is intelligent conflict management. Without wasting energy on what is not worth it and spending only what is necessary on what is. The ideal is that we first learn to count to 10, so as not to also react aggressively, and then apply some of those effective techniques.

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