Forgiveness letters: a powerful tool for emotional release

When we go to therapy, or even when we want to make some personal change on our own, we usually want to see results as soon as possible. What should I do to be different, to feel better, to boost my life? That’s all we care about, but we forget that the heart (and mind) must be emptied before it can be filled again. For this, there are tools such as forgiveness letters.

We must become aware that we cannot create a solid and clean future by ignoring the weak and damaged foundations that have been supporting us. Transforming involves looking inward, towards the past, at those dark corners of our being that scare us, but where the key to our liberation is found.

If you are willing to carry out this brave process, you will love to know the tool we are talking about today.

Why are forgiveness letters necessary?

Much of who we are is due to the experiences we have had in interaction with others. The bond established with parents, early relationships with schoolmates, the first bonds with a couple… All of these social opportunities shape us, whether to make us feel loved and safe, or to break us in a certain way.

In fact, The most common thing is that we all harbor some resentment towards those with whom we share stages. Perhaps we feel that our parents did not accept us unconditionally, or that they compared us to our siblings. Perhaps we are still hurting by the rudeness or aggression suffered in the classrooms, or we continue to be burned by the “abandonment” of that couple with whom we plan to live forever.

Although we move on and believe we have left these experiences in the past, in reality they continue to have an impact on us. Resentment weighs, hate limits, anger can make us sick… Therefore, we need to transcend these stories, learn from them and forgivebut giving forgiveness a different meaning.

Forgiveness letters encourage emotional relief.

What are forgiveness letters?

When they hear that they must forgive the past, many people shut down. And it is not surprising, since they have sold us a concept of forgiveness as a simile of kindness, self-sacrifice and justification of the errors of the other. How can I forgive someone who hurt me so much? That would be accepting his behavior, it would be betraying me, and just thinking about it makes my anger increase even more.

Actually, We must understand forgiveness as the decision to free ourselves from the weight of the past.. We do not do it for the other, to compensate them or free them from guilt. We do it for ourselves, so that their previous actions stop controlling our lives, they stop having an impact on our present. It is a gift you give to yourself to be able to move forward.

Thus, It is not necessary for the other person to apologize or repent.. Nor do we have to send him the letter for him to read. This ritual is personal and is dedicated to working on our own emotions. However, you will be surprised how powerful it is.

How to make a release letter?

The letters of forgiveness, also called letters of liberation, They have a specific structure that allows us to carry out a deep and complete process: from the identification of emotions to expression, processing and, finally, release. Thus, we share the steps to perform this exercise:

Identification of emotions

First of all, Determine what aspects or experiences from your past negatively marked you. What happened? Who are the people involved?

Generally in this search you will find a multitude of important experiences with different protagonists; Thus, the ideal is that Make a letter for each of these people.

For example, you can start with your mother, your primary connection, and allow yourself to remember everything that you felt was missing, that damaged you, that had an impact on you. Once you have identified these elements mentally, you can begin with the letter.

Emotional expression and ventilation

Begin the letter by addressing the chosen person, as if you were speaking to them in the first person, and make the intention of the writing clear. For example: “Mom, I am writing this letter to express what I have never been able to tell you.” Next, begin to express and detail all those past events that harmed you and the emotions they made you feel.

It is very important that In this step, let yourself go, do not put limits or filters on your words.: remember that no one else is going to read it. Allow yourself to feel and express anger, pain, sadness, hatred or any feeling that comes to you. Forget for a moment about morality or political correctness, don’t worry about handwriting or the construction of sentences, just write what comes to you.

Talk about all the experiences you need, express how you felt, how it has been affecting you and how it continues to do so. Express your reproaches, your desires and your disappointment, express how you would like things to have happened. Don’t put any filter.

Prosecution and forgiveness

After emotional ventilation (a process that is hard and that will have deeply moved you internally), it is time to process those emotions. Here, declare your desire and intention to forgive and the reasons why you choose to do so. For example: “despite all this, today I decide to forgive you because I do not want to continue carrying this pain”, “I choose to forgive because I do not deserve to live with resentment in my heart”, “I forgive you to move forward without the influence of what I experienced.” with you”.

Optionally, and If you are able to do so, you can contextualize what happened. Generally, the people who harm us are themselves damaged, those who did not give us love are because they did not receive it either. Understanding your past and your circumstances can help us set free. So, you can add: “I understand that you did the best you could with what you knew back then, and today I break the cycle of pain.”

Learning and gratitude

Several investigations have found that many people achieve not only overcome adversity, but even emerge stronger from them, acquiring valuable skills from what has been experienced. This is what is known as post-traumatic growth.

One of the main keys to achieving this growth is learn from experience, being able to see the way in which what we experienced has contributed to our personal development, what it has taught us. And do not doubt that every situation experienced teaches us.

For example, those who have suffered the wound of abandonment during childhood become more empathetic and loving beings, or those who have been rejected can develop autonomy and independence that others lack. Obviously, we would all like to have been able to avoid this suffering, but once it has happened, it is our right. observe and value the qualities that we have developed as a result of this pain.

Thus, this section of the forgiveness letters is intended for learning, to be able to see beyond the pain and extract the lessons. To thank ourselves for having known how to build something valuable from what we have experienced. You can express, for example: “I am grateful that the absence I felt has taught me to always be with me and not leave me alone.”

Forgiveness letters help us release the past and move forward free of weight and guilt.

Use forgiveness cards as a therapeutic tool

Once the following steps are completed, the letter is complete. Now, it’s time for you Get rid of it in a way that is symbolic and meaningful to you. You can burn it, break it and throw it into a stream, or do anything you feel appropriate; However, remember that you do not have to send it. This process is for you.

The letters of forgiveness They are excellent for closing stages and working through grief, but also for “cleaning” the past before starting a therapy process.. Without this prior step, attempts at change may not be fruitful. So, even if you are initially reluctant, feel that it is not necessary or that it is very painful, trust that it is the first step towards the liberation you are looking for.

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