Everyone is against me!

Sometimes, in informal conversations or in consultation, someone tends to complain about another person’s offenses. who considers that he is running against him. Generally, they refer to the issuance of opinions. These affect the person in their way of relating, be it work, family, social, and even when they interact with authorities or health professionals or others.

One of the main problems that arise in interpersonal relationships has to do with communication.. Be it: work, family, social or couple. Thus, a typical situation between couples is: the husband comes home and, noticing that it is not ready, the dinner concludes about his wife: he spent the whole day with her friends. While faced with the husband’s argument of not feeling understood. The wife reacts: are you calling me stupid?

The consequences of complaining

The person who usually complains about their poor relationship with others may experience anger, anger, sadness, bitterness, or distrust, among other negative emotions. Which can provoke angry, even violent responses towards other people, or fall into depressive and anxious states. When we carefully review the problem, we see that part of it originates in the way we perceive.

Distortions are often harmful ways of thinking. They are a break in the logic of logical thinking and probability. Among them we have: speculation, generalization, maximization, catastrophizing, and so on until completing the 9 styles of harmful thinking, known as cognitive distortions in cognitive behavioral psychology.

Expressions and the way they are usually used tell us what the smoke is that clouds communication. A generalization, well known among women, is that all men are equal. Allegation that is usually very common in conversations that deal with infidelity. But do 2 or 3 people statistically represent the more than 2.5 billion men on earth? Life is not enough to know everyone. Therefore, objectively analyzing such a belief leads us to recognize that it is an error in logic.

Mood affects our perception

When people find themselves in an altered state of mind, they usually interpret what they hear in the sense of this state of mind. Typical are these words: you said blah blah blah and I understood blah blah blah. The problem is not with the speaker but with the interpreter. We do not need to be interpreted. Such behavior is based on the projection of the listener. But are others really against me?

So projections and distortions together with the ego are a toxic cocktail that harms and interferes with communication. Separated families, injured people, divorces, and even murders have occurred just by giving free rein to mental machination. The unreal offenses are a product of this situation. How many novels would not have ended in two chapters if the two characters had spoken in time?

On many occasions, people cause a negative emotional impact due to their way of thinking. Within the distortions, when a person is rooted in this harmful behavior, it can lead to “referential ideas”. You can hear or listen to a conversation, a news broadcast, a radio interview and conclude that it refers to it. Leading to paranoid thoughts: Persecutory in nature. The others want to hurt him. What happens to him is intentional. etc This does not mean that everyone is against him.

Have quality communication

To have quality communication and stop believing that everyone is against us, we are going to discover some tips that we should always keep in mind:

Don’t speculate. Ask and ask questions if you do not understand to your satisfaction what is being communicated to you. Don’t put words in the other person’s mouth.Do not interpret. Our language does not need interpretation. The translation is for those who do not speak Spanish. Interpretations are subjective and colored by the meaning you give it. Based on the beliefs and emotions that you harbor towards yourself.Do not maximize: People are unique. We have free will. Don’t generalize either. We are all different, even children raised in the same family.Do not project. Many times we see in others what is ours. For example, if we believe that others criticize us, perhaps we criticize, too.Take breaks. If you feel anger, disappointment, anger, etc. First, stop. Ask yourself: What evidence do I have that what I think is true?Don’t use mind reader: No person can read another’s mind. That is fallacy. Just because you have known a person for a long time does not give you the power to know their thoughts and emotions.The objective of communication is to establish a channel where we transmit our emotions, sensations and thoughts from one person to another. For this, active listening is positive.Be nice: It is putting yourself in the other person’s place. It is not thinking for the other. How would you like them to treat you? Likewise, it is empathy. Give the treatment we want.The catastrophism: It is always expecting the worst. It is one of the stones that leads to anxiety.

Now that you have learned that not everyone is actually against you, but that this is your perception, it is time to put all the tips mentioned into practice to improve your relationships with others.

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