5 phrases from Epictetus to stop suffering

Epictetus left us several phrases that allow us to reflect on what we suffer for. Let’s see the most popular ones.

Epictetus was a Greek philosopher who was a slave in Rome for much of his life. It is not known for certain on what date he was released, but he did acquire great renown. Perhaps because, despite having been a slave, he focused on the search for happiness and well-being. For this reason, we wanted to collect some phrases from Epictetus that helped him in his worst moments and that can help us.

The philosophical current that Epictetus followed was the Stoic one. Hence the happiness he spoke of is known as eudaimonia, which is achieved through carrying out activities consistent with deep values and establishing a full commitment.

Let’s see below what we can extract from his phrases to manage our suffering.

1. What we tell ourselves is very important

“It is not the things that happen to us that make us suffer, but what we tell ourselves about those things.”

The first of Epictetus’ phrases to stop suffering tells us about two actions that, unconsciously, the vast majority of the time we carry out: one is the negative way we speak to each other and another, the story we build from what we have experienced.

For example, after a conversation with an unknown person we may say to ourselves “I behaved like a fool, I responded in an absurd way, I don’t know how to relate to others.” Now, what has happened to us has not been the trigger for our discomfort, but what we tell ourselves about how we have acted.

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The important thing is to be aware, observe how we talk to ourselves and how we sometimes distort reality, and then be more compassionate with ourselves.

2. Not everything depends on us

“As for all the things that exist in the world, some depend on us, others do not.”

Many times We can suffer and feel bad for not being able to do anything about what surrounds us.. For example, if we have a friend who is suffering from an abusive relationship, but she does not see it, we can feel helpless and suffer for the person we love so much. However, no matter how much energy we expend, we cannot avoid what she is choosing.

The most important thing, as Epictetus reminds us, is that we have to realize that there are certain circumstances that do not depend on us. We can choose how to act, but it is not up to us how others will act.. Being clear about this and accepting it will allow us to unload a lot of suffering.

3. What is said about us

“If they speak ill of you, and it is true, correct yourself; If it’s a lie, laugh at it.”

This third of Epictetus’ phrases to stop suffering tells us about the importance we usually give to what others say about us. However, in the face of this it is important to act with caution and intelligence. If they are speaking badly and they are right, for example it is said that we are liars, we must correct it. Sometimes, What they say about us can help us see some errors that we are not aware of..

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Now, what happens if what they say is not true? In this case We can try to clarify it, but we also have to know when to stop and move on. We should not take to heart what we know is not true. Our hurt attitude can cause us to hear phrases like “if it bothered you, it means it’s true.” Therefore, sometimes having a sense of humor can be key.

4. Opinions and problems are contagious

“Other people’s opinions and problems can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unintentionally adopting negative and unproductive attitudes through your friendships with others.

Another of Epictetus’ phrases to stop suffering is related to the people we surround ourselves with. Many times, we cannot choose who we have by our side, as co-workers (for example). Therefore, we have to open our eyes and observe if we are catching the attitudes and even thoughts of those around us.

Surrounding ourselves with negative people can cause us to end up observing our environment in a very pessimistic way. almost without realizing it. For this reason, taking this into account can help us avoid ending up infecting ourselves with the problems and negative attitudes of others.

5. Take distance in adversity

“In our own misfortunes we must remember the state of conformity with which we view those of others.”

The last of Epictetus’ phrases to stop suffering leaves us with a very wise lesson. When we observe the problems of others we tend to relativize them or see the clear solution. For example, when faced with a person who is being mistreated we can immediately say “why don’t you just walk away and leave your partner?”

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However, When we are the ones in that situation, we don’t see it at all clearly and something pushes us to stay in that pain.. For this reason, Epictetus urges us to distance ourselves and try to see what happens to us as if we were a good friend or brother. A personal contribution that can help us is to ask ourselves “if this happened to someone I love, what would I recommend they do?” Visualizing this happening and responding without thinking will give us the response we should apply.

All these phrases from Epictetus to stop suffering will help us in those moments when we see everything dark. Therefore, taking a step back and having some examples can help us see everything more clearly. Because Suffering, if we stop holding on to it, eventually ends up leaving.